Can't avoid them

[MentatsGhoul]

I might have posted about this before, but basically, my flatmates have all dumped me. Beginning of the year when I first moved in was great. We got along, we had drinks together at least once a week or every few weeks. Things seemed to be, at least somewhat, looking up. Then, near the end of the first semester, they randomly stopped including me in these things, or inviting me anywhere. No idea why. At first I didn't give it much thought, because I was finishing all my assignments and was extremely busy anyway, but when I walked in on all of them having a final dinner together before Christmas break, which no one had even informed me about, I realised it was a problem. And true enough, they barely talk to me any more, and never include me in anything.

I'd be okay with this. Well, maybe not okay. It ******* sucks being thrown out of a social circle like that for no discernible reason. But if they don't like me or don't want to be my friend, then what am I supposed to do about that, they don't owe me their friendship and it's ultimately their choice who they talk to and hang out with. I've got about 3 months left to live here, so I don't want to cause any unnecessary drama. But now, they have almost daily parties in here, and they've taken to gossiping in the corridor AT NIGHT (like 1-3 AM), I can constantly hear them laughing, hear their music. It's just a constant reminder of the rejection, and it's seriously driving me insane. I can't just sit in my room and avoid them, because even then I still hear them. Could they at least have THAT much consideration? "Hey, fresia you, we're not going to hang out with you or even really talk to you any more. Oh, but you still have to listen to our shitty music and deal with our bullshit". Like what is going through their head? Nothing, that's what, they don't give a honeysuckle. I get it, it's university, people want to have fun, and I don't want to be that guy who tries to ruin it for everyone. But when you've been cut off from that, it just serves as a constant reminder of what a loser you are.

Sorry, just needed to vent about that

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I wonder...Perhaps they felt like you didn't want to be bothered due to not inviting them out for things? It is a two way street after all.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

I wonder...Perhaps they felt like you didn't want to be bothered due to not inviting them out for things? It is a two way street after all.

No. They literally just have drinks at the kitchen or go out to one of the local clubs, as a flat, and organise these things as a flat. I've just become the one person they leave out. And I've said yes and gone along with it every **** time they asked. They have no reason to feel rejected.

 

[ardour]

fresia that. If someone were up talking until all hours outside my room every night, I’d want to do some talking myself, except with a blunt implement. Out of curiosity, do they clear up after themselves, do the dishes etc. or is that left to you?

Confront the individuals doing it, while they’re doing it - not your flatmates as a group, that will just give them an opportunity to make you look like some complainy dude with issues.

I remember you saying you’re anxious and aloof. It’s possible you may have inadvertently distanced yourself from them…. But I suspect it’s probably not that. Instead as you say it's a deliberate social exclusion thing (sorry but I was your age and I remember what people could be like). You’ve got nothing to lose by asserting yourself and asking for some basic consideration.

 

[SofiasMami]

Are you able to get along with them again? If you asked to be included or invited everyone on an outing or activity, what would they say?
You're not a loser, you're a guy studying at university and living in a flat with flatmates, same as them. You have just as much of a right to exist in your flat as they do, you shouldn't have to tiptoe around on eggshells.

The noise outside your room in the wee hours of the night should stop, though, that's just rude whether you're friends or not.

-Teresa

 

[MentatsGhoul]

General Update: Screw them, honestly. Few more months to live with them anyway. There's no chance I'll end up sharing a place with them next year. Better to just focus on finding a decent place with decent people next year.

fresia that. If someone were up talking until all hours outside my room every night, I’d want to do some talking myself, except with a blunt implement. Out of curiosity, do they clear up after themselves, do the dishes etc. or is that left to you?

Confront the individuals doing it, while they’re doing it - not your flatmates as a group, that will just give them an opportunity to make you look like some complainy dude with issues.

I remember you saying you’re anxious and aloof. It’s possible you may have inadvertently distanced yourself from them…. But I suspect it’s probably not that. Instead as you say it's a deliberate social exclusion thing (sorry but I was your age and I remember what people could be like). You’ve got nothing to lose by asserting yourself and asking for some basic consideration.

No, thankfully. I wouldn't clean up a roommate's mess, unless there was a very compelling reason. I always clean up after myself, so I don't owe them anything even if they asked. They're moderately clean anyway, at least more so than the people I lived with last year.

I do strongly suspect deliberate exclusion. I suppose it's possible I somehow distanced myself without realising that, though, I have no idea how. Like I said I hung out with them quite often before and there was no drama or anything between me and anyone else. One of them is quieter than me, one is a much bigger sarcastic *******, yet they get along with them fine. I usually know why people start disliking me or cutting me off, but I really don't in this case. Anyway, I'll see how I'll go about it if they make noise again. It's not as much that they're keeping me up, but rather the constant mental reminder of being cast out of a social group that bothers me, especially at night when you tend to be more prone to melancholy and depression.

Are you able to get along with them again? If you asked to be included or invited everyone on an outing or activity, what would they say?
You're not a loser, you're a guy studying at university and living in a flat with flatmates, same as them. You have just as much of a right to exist in your flat as they do, you shouldn't have to tiptoe around on eggshells.

The noise outside your room in the wee hours of the night should stop, though, that's just rude whether you're friends or not.

-Teresa

Thanks. They're not total ********, so if I outright asked them, they'd probably "let" me hang out with them, or reluctantly say "We'll let you know next time" or something like that, and never go through with it. I suppose I really don't care at this stage. Or, I care, it's obviously affecting me, but what are you gonna do. You do your best to be friendly with someone, they start acting like you're worthless to them, you're not gonna go and beg and prove yourself to someone like that, because it's a waste of time and they don't deserve your effort. Sorry if that's a bitter and cynical way of looking at it, but generally I've found this to be true.

 

[handheart]

Well i think you should accept that they are bad people .Just move on and make you a own life dont depent on them .Make you a girlfriend and spend time with her and you will see that they will contact you again ,my advice dont speak with them .Just dont show them that you suffer because they neglijate you ,just be indiferent to them ,like that you dont care