Sadomasochism - thought provoker

[CenotaphGirl]

I was thinking about hurting others and how it happens. Sometimes I notice people have me all wrong, they think I sat down, thought about how to hurt them and acted accordingly. However, they only think that because they compare the level of importance they place on me to what they believe I place on them.

In reality, they are nothing to me, no more than an extra in a film. So it’s not that I thought about them at all, it’s more like I barely considered them as something worth thinking about.

I have often seen men in this regard, I considered him lucky for getting to speak to someone like me (as they always said they felt lucky that I would consider speaking to them) so I just saw people to use when life hits me with something crap… and I want a confidence boost.

Now im older, and have found the lord I see that how I treated others was close to wanting worshippers and was so wrong. However, I know I can help people identify toxic behaviours and falling into traps.

The trap I see most men falling into is trying to understand why someone who never considered them , treated them a certain way. I think of it as ants trying to work out why a human didn't just step around them instead of on them. Some because they purposefully wanted to step on an ant but most because they didn't even consider the ant in the first place.

 

[user 150037]

Interesting thoughts.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

You need some question marks in there. Questions sometimes lead to answers.

 

[Unsigned]

This is a good post and is something that most males need to understand. If you are a "Regular Joe", which is most of us, we are invisible to attractive females (7/10 and higher).

For me this is second nature. I've known that the world will treat me like an "ant" from how I was treated by others going back to pre-K nursery school even. I can even remember in grade school, when I was 11 or 12, thinking about going to prostitutes when I got older. I knew back then that fornicating with physically attractive girls would only come about by me paying for them.

This is also true for females, but in a different way. The 6/10s and lower, from "plain janes" to outright fat/ugly, WILL get some attention from the upper tier males (the "chads") when they are young, but they often do not realize that this is simply for "pump and dump" purposes. And then when they don't end up getting a "chad" for a LTR, they go through that same process of trying to figure out why, instead of coming to the "ant" realization.

I don't think it was always this way. I believe the "sexual revolution" really destroyed male/female dynamics in the West. And the internet has made it much, much worse.

 

[Cherubino]

actually this hierarchy is a bless because as Jesus says it separates sheep from goats ... I was ignored or bullied by the majority of the women but those most worthy liked me or at least respected me

 

[user 150037]

Sounds like some of you would be a valuable asset to these mental health support groups. Although this forum is essentially an online support group, anyway...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I was thinking about hurting others and how it happens. Sometimes I notice people have me all wrong, they think I sat down, thought about how to hurt them and acted accordingly. However, they only think that because they compare the level of importance they place on me to what they believe I place on them.

In reality, they are nothing to me, no more than an extra in a film. So it’s not that I thought about them at all, it’s more like I barely considered them as something worth thinking about.

I have often seen men in this regard, I considered him lucky for getting to speak to someone like me (as they always said they felt lucky that I would consider speaking to them) so I just saw people to use when life hits me with something crap… and I want a confidence boost.

Now im older, and have found the lord I see that how I treated others was close to wanting worshippers and was so wrong. However, I know I can help people identify toxic behaviours and falling into traps.

The trap I see most men falling into is trying to understand why someone who never considered them , treated them a certain way. I think of it as ants trying to work out why a human didn't just step around them instead of on them. Some because they purposefully wanted to step on an ant but most because they didn't even consider the ant in the first place.

It's good that you're not using people to be worshippers/orbiters anymore. The truth is, it's not a very nice thing to do, regardless of who does it or why. I feel like it's one of those "do unto others..." situations.

And as far as guys go...this is why I think understanding compatibility with personality and values, is important, so that you don't project a fantasy onto a person and start believing they are something other than who they really are. I feel like this is why you can't go for looks first, and that this is why a lot of guys think they've had a chance with you when they really don't. They're into your looks, but they don't match the compatibility stuff.

Like, you've made it clear the kind of guy you're into. And that's fine. But guys who aren't that, shouldn't even entertain the possibility of being the exception. It won't work. You can't change people, it doesn't work. I tried once. Instead of the issue being money, the issue was risk-taking, and a dark/edgy personality. They were all those things, I was not. I misread them as someone who didn't want to be that way anymore and was looking for someone to take them away from that...but I was wrong. They were perfectly happy being that way. They were never the person I thought they were, it was all in my head. In time I realized that I only ever had a crush on my idea of who this person was, and not the person they actually were the whole time.

Once I realized that, it was easy to let go. I didn't feel like I'd been defeated, or was too weak to get what I wanted - or at least, what I thought I wanted. I realized that I never should have been trying to change this person, or even talking to them in the first place. We were never compatible at all. And when I realized who they really were the whole time, I realized that I didn't really enjoy them that much either.

It took me a while to realize it but with looks, it's not about who is "higher" or "lower". It's about who fits your personality and values, what you want out of life.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is a good post and is something that most males need to understand. If you are a "Regular Joe", which is most of us, we are invisible to attractive females (7/10 and higher).

For me this is second nature. I've known that the world will treat me like an "ant" from how I was treated by others going back to pre-K nursery school even. I can even remember in grade school, when I was 11 or 12, thinking about going to prostitutes when I got older. I knew back then that fornicating with physically attractive girls would only come about by me paying for them.

This is also true for females, but in a different way. The 6/10s and lower, from "plain janes" to outright fat/ugly, WILL get some attention from the upper tier males (the "chads") when they are young, but they often do not realize that this is simply for "pump and dump" purposes. And then when they don't end up getting a "chad" for a LTR, they go through that same process of trying to figure out why, instead of coming to the "ant" realization.

I don't think it was always this way. I believe the "sexual revolution" really destroyed male/female dynamics in the West. And the internet has made it much, much worse.

Oh man. I didn't know that you were already feeling that way at 11 or 12.

When I was that age, I still liked kid things. I didn't really think about girls at all. And when I did, I had hope for the future. I thought "the hot girls" would grow up and out of interest in the jerks, who would become fat and dopey from carelessness and unhealthy lifestyles, and that if I got a decent enough career and made myself good looking/muscular/stylish enough, then I would get my day.

It took a long time to realize that that whole idea was wrong.

But in time I changed my mind. I started feeling like, if someone views me as an "ant", a nothing, an inferior - why would I want them, no matter what they look like? I don't need to play their game. I'd rather be with someone I like as a person, care about as a person, and find interesting, than someone who is just good looking, thinks they're "better" than me because of it, and probably doesn't even have anything in common with me anyway. I wouldn't even have that good of a time with them either.

I started realizing that, you know what? I don't want to indulge this kind of person. I don't want to try to impress people that will always look down on me. We're not compatible and I'm OK with that. I stopped believing that people were "more" or "less" based on looks, and I started valuing the mental/emotional connection more. And I felt at least a little better.

 

[Unsigned]

Oh man. I didn't know that you were already feeling that way at 11 or 12.

Yeah. I've always been messed up.
I remember when I was even younger, maybe 3rd or 4th grade, I found a stash of Playboy/Penthouse/Oui magazines that my father had stashed behind row of books on a shelf in our living room. And I used to have sex thoughts about the blonde, pretty, Irish American girl in my class, doing the types of things I saw in those mags. And I remember watching TV movies like when Eve Plumb (Jan Brady) played a teenage hooker. And I just always sort of knew that would be the kind of girls I would be with. I suppose constantly being picked on had something to so with it. Knowing I was an ant. I guess they call it "inferiority complex".


Anyways, here's the Jan Brady hooker movie.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawn:_Portrait_of_a_Teenage_Runaway

 

[user 190541]

This is a good post and is something that most males need to understand. If you are a "Regular Joe", which is most of us, we are invisible to attractive females (7/10 and higher).

For me this is second nature. I've known that the world will treat me like an "ant" from how I was treated by others going back to pre-K nursery school even. I can even remember in grade school, when I was 11 or 12, thinking about going to prostitutes when I got older. I knew back then that fornicating with physically attractive girls would only come about by me paying for them.

This is also true for females, but in a different way. The 6/10s and lower, from "plain janes" to outright fat/ugly, WILL get some attention from the upper tier males (the "chads") when they are young, but they often do not realize that this is simply for "pump and dump" purposes. And then when they don't end up getting a "chad" for a LTR, they go through that same process of trying to figure out why, instead of coming to the "ant" realization.

I don't think it was always this way. I believe the "sexual revolution" really destroyed male/female dynamics in the West. And the internet has made it much, much worse.

I know many "Regular Joes" (or should I say "Josés"?) who have 7/10 or higher partners (or at least what I think are 7/10 or higher partners, I don't rank women that way).

Also, you're rich, my dude. No one is treated like an ant if they're rich. If you feel the prostitutes whose services you hire treat you like an ant, then it's probably because you allow yourself to be treated as such because you need what's between their legs that much. I don't know, really, I'm just telling you whatever seems more likely to be the case.

Anyway, no one's worth is determined by sexual value in the eyes of women. No kidding, the day the world turns into a literal gynocracy, I'll die fighting it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Yeah. I've always been messed up.
I remember when I was even younger, maybe 3rd or 4th grade, I found a stash of Playboy/Penthouse/Oui magazines that my father had stashed behind row of books on a shelf in our living room. And I used to have sex thoughts about the blonde, pretty, Irish American girl in my class, doing the types of things I saw in those mags. And I remember watching TV movies like when Eve Plumb (Jan Brady) played a teenage hooker. And I just always sort of knew that would be the kind of girls I would be with. I suppose constantly being picked on had something to so with it. Knowing I was an ant. I guess they call it "inferiority complex".


Anyways, here's the Jan Brady hooker movie.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dawn:_Portrait_of_a_Teenage_Runaway

I just read about that movie. Life on the streets seems so gritty and dirty and terrifying. It's hard to believe it's the same country as the rest of America.

I took the opposite approach, I was a germophobe. I mean sure, eventually I had fantasy thoughts about the cheerleaders and other girls like that, but eventually I got disillusioned and burnt out on it. Now I don't care about that kind of person anymore. That scene would never let me in, and isn't for me, but it doesn't make much sense why I'd want it, because I wouldn't like it anyway.

Is there anything that could make you stop feeling like an ant? Anything that would break you out of the inferiority complex?

 

[user 190541]

Since we're talking about protitution, I know a girl who became a prostitute, and what's crazy about it is that she started to prostitute herself while we where seeing each other. Well, at least she didn't hide it from me.

Prior to that, she would always joke about becoming a prostitute and having to become a prostitute because of the total lack of opportunities in this so-called "Cidade Maravilhosa" (my ass), and I would always answer: "I'll not allow that to happen", "I'll never allow that to happen" and so on. All with the utmost sincerity. The first day she came to my house, I said: "this door will always be open to you". Well, guess what? Did she want my help? No. Being able to chose between being my girlfriend and a prostitute, she really went and became a prostitute.

Sucks, but what can you do about it? They say "boys will be boys", well, I say girls will be girls.

 

[Unsigned]

Also, you're rich, my dude. No one is treated like an ant if they're rich. If you feel the prostitutes whose services you hire treat you like an ant, then it's probably because you allow yourself to be treated as such because you need what's between their legs that much. I don't know, really, I'm just telling you whatever seems more likely to be the case.

I suppose it's a matter of perspective, but I do not view myself as rich. Well off, perhaps, but not rich. To me rich means a 1%er. Here in the US that means 8 figure net worth or very close to it. I am not at that level and never will be unless I win the lottery.
The prostitutes treat me like a respectable and often valued client.
I suppose it is me who sees myself as an ant (just using Ceno's terminology and staying with the spirit of this thread).

I just read about that movie. Life on the streets seems so gritty and dirty and terrifying. It's hard to believe it's the same country as the rest of America

That's the type of girls I saw from 1985 to 1995. Yeah it was rough. I actually was able to find one on the internet that was my regular from 92 to 94. She was young and a very sweet girl, but her pimp was a nasty little motherf-er who was quite violent with her. She gained A LOT of weight, but she manages a small auto body shop in Florida. I'm glad she was able to get out of that life. I did not try to contact her.

Is there anything that could make you stop feeling like an ant? Anything that would break you out of the inferiority complex?

I think the only thing that would do that is a real girlfriend. But given my age and f-ed up parameters, that won't happen. And even if I tried to be with someone more "realistic" , I know I would look at younger, prettier girls while walking with her, act resentful, and eventually cheat on her with escorts. I would make her miserable. Wouldn't be right.

 

[user 190541]

I suppose it's a matter of perspective, but I do not view myself as rich. Well off, perhaps, but not rich. To me rich means a 1%er. Here in the US that means 8 figure net worth or very close to it. I am not at that level and never will be unless I win the lottery.
The prostitutes treat me like a respectable and often valued client.
I suppose it is me who sees myself as an ant (just using Ceno's terminology and staying with the spirit of this thread).

I see. Well, that makes sense.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

The trap I see most men falling into is trying to understand why someone who never considered them , treated them a certain way.

That's an easy answer. I'll defer to Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs: