mandagrace83
New member
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2012
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Hello, my name is Amanda. I am new here. I came on here because I am looking for advice from other people than my family and few friends that I have. I was hoping to get some honest feedback and maybe even get some help here if it's possible. It would be great to even make a new friend or two. I'm not here for sympathy. I'm here only because I cannot get past my low self-esteem.
I'm a 28 year old single mom of three beautiful children. I have been through 2 terrible divorces that have taken a huge toll on me. In the past year and a half I have gained something I've never had before, independence. I struggle each day to raise my kids on my own but it's something I've always wanted...to not depend on a man.
I've gotten on a dating website due to the fact that I can't really get out and go meet new people. I've dated 4 guys that way and all have turned out in disappointment. I waited a healthy year before starting to date and I've realized even though I've tried to do this right, I'm not ready yet because of my self-esteem issues. Let me explain....
I was born with Optic nerve hypoplasia. It's an eye condition that has caused me to be completely blind in my left eye and terrible eye sight in my right eye. My right eye is still straight like normal but my left one is not. As a child my left eye wandered like a lazy eye. Well my parents didn't want that for me so they got me surgery. It didn't go well at all. It just resulted in it wandering again. Well in the 6th grade I wanted corrective surgery because I was going into jr high school. That turned out to be completely traumatic for me because they pulled my eye so far inward that I looked cross-eyed. It kills me to even type that word. I hate hearing it. I hate thinking about it. It makes me so sick. My eye is still like that to this day. I try hard to keep my hair covering it. I will also wear sunglasses as much as possible. I keep my head down and try to avoid eye contact at all costs. I do not like being around people and will avoid meeting new people if at all possible. I do not want them to see me.
I do not have time to go to a therapist to get advice or therapy for this issue so this is another reason why I am here. I could save money to get more corrective surgery done but the surgery is never permanent. My condition is though. It's very miserable living this way. It makes me mad at myself, at the world, and life in general. I wish it could be anything but my eye b/c that's the first thing people look at usually when they meet you or talk to you.
I just want to be able to have confidence and not worry about what people are thinking or if they are looking at my eye. I want it to not bother me when they do. And children are the worst. They just stare or they will say something to their parents about me and it's humiliating to a degree I can't begin to explain.
This has been very hard to write but it's the only thing I could think of to do to help me get better one day. Maybe it'll help, maybe it will not. But I'm here. I've enclosed a picture of myself so whoever reads this can see what I am talking about. I also would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my post.
Amanda
I'm a 28 year old single mom of three beautiful children. I have been through 2 terrible divorces that have taken a huge toll on me. In the past year and a half I have gained something I've never had before, independence. I struggle each day to raise my kids on my own but it's something I've always wanted...to not depend on a man.
I've gotten on a dating website due to the fact that I can't really get out and go meet new people. I've dated 4 guys that way and all have turned out in disappointment. I waited a healthy year before starting to date and I've realized even though I've tried to do this right, I'm not ready yet because of my self-esteem issues. Let me explain....
I was born with Optic nerve hypoplasia. It's an eye condition that has caused me to be completely blind in my left eye and terrible eye sight in my right eye. My right eye is still straight like normal but my left one is not. As a child my left eye wandered like a lazy eye. Well my parents didn't want that for me so they got me surgery. It didn't go well at all. It just resulted in it wandering again. Well in the 6th grade I wanted corrective surgery because I was going into jr high school. That turned out to be completely traumatic for me because they pulled my eye so far inward that I looked cross-eyed. It kills me to even type that word. I hate hearing it. I hate thinking about it. It makes me so sick. My eye is still like that to this day. I try hard to keep my hair covering it. I will also wear sunglasses as much as possible. I keep my head down and try to avoid eye contact at all costs. I do not like being around people and will avoid meeting new people if at all possible. I do not want them to see me.
I do not have time to go to a therapist to get advice or therapy for this issue so this is another reason why I am here. I could save money to get more corrective surgery done but the surgery is never permanent. My condition is though. It's very miserable living this way. It makes me mad at myself, at the world, and life in general. I wish it could be anything but my eye b/c that's the first thing people look at usually when they meet you or talk to you.
I just want to be able to have confidence and not worry about what people are thinking or if they are looking at my eye. I want it to not bother me when they do. And children are the worst. They just stare or they will say something to their parents about me and it's humiliating to a degree I can't begin to explain.
This has been very hard to write but it's the only thing I could think of to do to help me get better one day. Maybe it'll help, maybe it will not. But I'm here. I've enclosed a picture of myself so whoever reads this can see what I am talking about. I also would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read my post.
Amanda
