Can't speak!

[tusk]

I sometimes shy away from parties and other gatherings and I think this is because I have a hard time talking to people in groups. It's not that I'm shy or can't open my mouth; my mind is just pulling blanks. You can hear tumbleweeds in there; I can't come up with anything funny to say, or anything at all for that matter.
Is it like this for anyone else? I've heard people who are quiet are usually shy; that the problem isn't the tumbleweeds. But I don't feel shy. Mostly stupid. Maybe it's a question of being serious vs unserious.
:club:
What's the solution? Taking a 'mindfulness' class? Improv?
What do you think?

 

[Masson]

Oh man Im sorry you have that , I also have this problem and it makes living a hell. My only solution and its a short term one is to get drunk....not much of a solution though.

 

[whispers]

I am very quiet and not shy. Its just hard for me to have a conversation...i'm far from stupid, i know alot of stuff, just not interested in sharing. I just listen and laugh. I've been known as the quiet one. And you are a quiet one also, thats ok.

 

[Masson]

Don't get me wrong I like to be quiet and just listen to other people and see how they behave and such but when its time for me to talk and I don't mean just with friends in general its hard. That makes making friends , getting a gf or god forbid when I have to present something at school a struggle.
I always was the thinker type , almost 100% of the day I have ideas and thoughts pop in my mind , I think because I spend so much time in my head I just dont feel the need to say anything to other people anymore.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Well, I think that if you are with 'like minded' folks, your own peers, folks you can relate to and such, that it would make for easy conversations (

When I am feeling shy/awkward I just suite up in my Armour, and cut loose. it shocks them, and it leaves THEM 'speechless'
*hugs*

 

[Masson]

What do you mean by cut loose ?

 

[Nolife Princess]

What do you mean by cut loose ?

Hmm, well my definition of cutting loose is:
Just being free, no inhibitions. confidence, and presence.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm also really quiet, but I'll try to help here

I find in those "blank" situations it's usually good to just say something ultimately meaningless but pithy at the time that rides on the back of something just said.

Like if someone is talking about their mountaineering trip or something and how they ruptured their testicles on a failed descent, make some kind of pun on it when they finish speaking. The cheesier the better, just stay away from being mocking or offensive.

You'll usually get a laugh and the expectation of others on you to say something that you actually need to think about will be gone

Then you're free to mull over topics in your mind. Another thing I find helpful is just keep a list of anecdotes in your head and pull one out when it seems like it would be appropriate/funny and the present company haven't heard it.

 

[Masson]

"Like if someone is talking about their mountaineering trip or something and how they ruptured their testicles on a failed descent, make some kind of pun on it when they finish speaking. The cheesier the better, just stay away from being mocking or offensive."
Yes I often think about doing something like this the problem still stands my mind is empty/blocked and I cannot think about a joke or anything to break the ice.
"Just being free, no inhibitions. confidence, and presence. ". That's not an issue but whats the point of all of those if you cannot say a thing.

 

[Nolife Princess]

That's the whole point, just break free. (If you truly want to partake in the conversation at hand) if the desire is there, then you have 2 options.. talk or not talk. all I am saying is how I would handle it.. not how you should handle it.. but just an idea is all.. we all handle circumstances differently, I handle my stuff with humor.. others may handle theirs with sophistication, and others with matter of fact... me being humorous always ALWAYS breaks the ice , and makes for a relaxed conversation. actually a relaxed atmosphere all together.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

"Like if someone is talking about their mountaineering trip or something and how they ruptured their testicles on a failed descent, make some kind of pun on it when they finish speaking. The cheesier the better, just stay away from being mocking or offensive."
Yes I often think about doing something like this the problem still stands my mind is empty/blocked and I cannot think about a joke or anything to break the ice.

Perhaps you're worrying about it all too much? It's much easier to think if you're relaxed.

I find you can get away with just listening most of the time at these events. Listen, just chill out about it all (you're only talking to people casually, it's not a big deal and no one will even remember half the stuff you say the next day). Don't try to force it, just enjoy the company of others and make sure you're unwinding a bit

 

[Nolife Princess]

"Like if someone is talking about their mountaineering trip or something and how they ruptured their testicles on a failed descent, make some kind of pun on it when they finish speaking. The cheesier the better, just stay away from being mocking or offensive."
Yes I often think about doing something like this the problem still stands my mind is empty/blocked and I cannot think about a joke or anything to break the ice.

Perhaps you're worrying about it all too much? It's much easier to think if you're relaxed.

I find you can get away with just listening most of the time at these events. Listen, just chill out about it all (you're only talking to people casually, it's not a big deal and no one will even remember half the stuff you say the next day). Don't try to force it, just enjoy the company of others and make sure you're unwinding a bit

Completely agree (
well said *S*

 

[Masson]

Ok these are all great and I think about doing them too , the problem is again the brain "freeze" , when I get that its like I forget everything I know and act totally different then how I am ( not in a good way ). My real issue is how do I remember when I get the blockage all that stuff ?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Ok these are all great and I think about doing them too , the problem is again the brain "freeze" , when I get that its like I forget everything I know and act totally different then how I am ( not in a good way ). My real issue is how do I remember when I get the blockage all that stuff ?

The secret is to avoid that blockage in the first place. It comes from apprehension and fearing open discussion subconsciously.

Take a good deep breath before you're interacting with people, steady your nerves and make sure you're at peace in your mind. Realise it's all just recreational and there's no pressure to say anything specific.

It's really that simple. You should find once you start to ease into it that your mind will start working on it's own

I don't think anyone is racing through their synapses with topics or things to say at social events, it's just all natural contributions you tack on to the discussions already in progress. To do that, you just need to be a little bit relaxed ^^

If you feel the blockage coming on, just take a moment to retreat into your mind. Go to the lavatory or something and collect yourself for a moment. Or even just drift away from the conversation mentally and reassure yourself.

I find quite often you can feel quite tense at these sorts of things without realising, and a moment of reflection can dispel that.

 

[tusk]

Oh, cool, lots of replies! Masson, I think we have the same thing. And maybe TSM is right, the pressure is giving us some kind of performance anxiety.
If I'm having a conversation with a friend, I usually find it pretty easy to talk. I guess I'm relaxed. I might even be the chatty one! From that, I conclude that I'm not always shy nor quiet. So, a person can both be "the quiet one" and "the chatty one". For me, I think it depends on context.
Open discussions 1on1 I handle well; I can't remember when talking has been a problem in this case. There can be lulls, but I've heard they are perfectly normal.