Can't. Stop. Thinking. About. Her. Help!

[trippytip]

I got a crush on a girl at a very young age about 12 years ago... and still can't get her out of my mind. I think about her every day, even without trying to. The most random thing makes me think of her.

I knew her for a few years when we were young, then I moved away about 8 years ago and never forgot about her. About 4 years ago we started talking online and whatnot. I actually went and hung out with her and her friend (who was also my friend long ago) and we had some laughs and whatnot. Her friend kinda has the idea that I like her, but I'm pretty sure she has no clue that I've been thinking about her for 12 years.

I don't know what to do. I kinda hate the fact that I think about her. After talking with her again after so long, I kinda realize that she's not the person that I thought her to be. She drinks, does occasional drugs, and is just not someone I'd normally hang around with anymore. I'm not into any of that. But she's still the same person I knew forever ago, and a part of me loves the hell out of her...

I still live far away from her, so a relationship would be kinda pointless, but I wouldn't have the courage to even say anything to her. At this point, I don't even WANT to say anything to her. I want to forget her, but I can't.

I'm not sure what else to type... If anyone wants to know anything else, just ask. I'm just looking for any help or info as to how to stop thinking about her.

Ps. Yes I know this is stupid, so don't remind me with a redundant post.

 

[trippytip]

I'm really lost trying think of what to do about how I feel about her sometimes... I feel like I just need to get over her, move on and figure that she would never want anything to do with me. Recent experiences even suggest that shes not who I remember her to be/want her to be. Yet I can't help but feel love(or something close to that) towards her. I despise the idea of having kids and being a dad, but I've had vivid dreams where I'm completely happy with her and we have a baby. I even wrote one down in Word once because it was so detailed and euphoric. I've never had a girlfriend before. So I'm not sure if I really love her, or if I just use the picture of her in my mind as the "ideal, perfect girl" because I've never been close to anyone that way before. I couldn't help but google her facebook page. Im kinda against the idea of facebook, so I'm not going to message her... but it's tempting. I even have her cell number (if she hasn't changed it) but I'm WAY too scared to even text her. The awkwardness I'd feel would be enormous. I hope no one minds the double post or the big paragraph. I'm on a psp and just needed to say something about my recent thoughts somehow before I lost the gusto to post here. I'm really no good with expressing my feelings to others lol.

 

[Nicki]

I'm not really sure why we get hung up on the past. I get hung up too. It would seem on men that neither deserve nor want me. I'm 44 and this just happened to me for the 3rd time. I try to move on. I just wind up with men that I don't really love. I'm at the point right now where I've been shown ( if not told) that I'm really not that important to them. I should turn my back and walk away. But I keep remembering #2 that lasted for 3 years. And I have missed him for 20. But they were the happiest 3 years of my life. Possibly because the fact that I could never truly let go of him has tainted my chances for happiness. The cycle is starting again.
Anyway, by way of reply, perhaps your image of this woman is intermingled with a simpler, happier time and it is the other aspects of your life at that time that you truly miss. Is this woman married? Is it possible that her life got screwed up too because you were not in it?
Now, about courage and shyness... I used to be painfully shy. I missed out on alot of life because I was afraid of what someone might think or do. That's time we never get back. I might miss out because my forwardness freaks someone out, but never again will I sit on the sideline and wonder what might have been if only I'd had the courage to say something. The worst that can happen is [/b]that I will still be alone, and the fact that my admiration is not returned in the same manner does not diminish who I am.

I'm really lost trying think of what to do about how I feel about her sometimes... I feel like I just need to get over her, move on and figure that she would never want anything to do with me. Recent experiences even suggest that shes not who I remember her to be/want her to be. Yet I can't help but feel love(or something close to that) towards her. I despise the idea of having kids and being a dad, but I've had vivid dreams where I'm completely happy with her and we have a baby. I even wrote one down in Word once because it was so detailed and euphoric. I've never had a girlfriend before. So I'm not sure if I really love her, or if I just use the picture of her in my mind as the "ideal, perfect girl" because I've never been close to anyone that way before. I couldn't help but google her facebook page. Im kinda against the idea of facebook, so I'm not going to message her... but it's tempting. I even have her cell number (if she hasn't changed it) but I'm WAY too scared to even text her. The awkwardness I'd feel would be enormous. I hope no one minds the double post or the big paragraph. I'm on a psp and just needed to say something about my recent thoughts somehow before I lost the gusto to post here. I'm really no good with expressing my feelings to others lol.

 

[trippytip]

I'm not really sure why we get hung up on the past. I get hung up too. It would seem on men that neither deserve nor want me. I'm 44 and this just happened to me for the 3rd time. I try to move on. I just wind up with men that I don't really love. I'm at the point right now where I've been shown ( if not told) that I'm really not that important to them. I should turn my back and walk away. But I keep remembering #2 that lasted for 3 years. And I have missed him for 20. But they were the happiest 3 years of my life. Possibly because the fact that I could never truly let go of him has tainted my chances for happiness. The cycle is starting again.
Anyway, by way of reply, perhaps your image of this woman is intermingled with a simpler, happier time and it is the other aspects of your life at that time that you truly miss.

Ha! That might be the half of it. I moved, and since then it's all kinda been downhill as I've been growing up. I really wish that I could go back to those times. I'm hella nostalgic, and she kinda had quite the impact on me back then.

Is this woman married? Is it possible that her life got screwed up too because you were not in it?

That's a good question. She's not married. We're both only 20 (though I guess that doesn't matter much these days). But she does have a boyfriend... Her life is actually fine though. Maybe I said the drugs and alcohol thing a bit indistinctly? She only does it when she hangs out with friends, and it's sort of, like... the social thing to do now? Her life is much better than mine though...

I actually feel really inadequate to her, which is why I want to forget her as much I "love" her. She's going to college, she has a job, a car, tons of friends. A life lol. I have none of that. I'm slowly plodding on with finishing high school online, and know nobody in the town I'm in. My family drives me insane, and I have to stay home to help my Great Grandmother. I feel like I do nothing, yet have no room for a job. That's probably a topic in itself, but I'm not gonna mind that part for now lol.

Now, about courage and shyness... I used to be painfully shy. I missed out on alot of life because I was afraid of what someone might think or do. That's time we never get back. I might miss out because my forwardness freaks someone out, but never again will I sit on the sideline and wonder what might have been if only I'd had the courage to say something. The worst that can happen is [/b]that I will still be alone, and the fact that my admiration is not returned in the same manner does not diminish who I am.

Now that's words of encouragement that almost makes me want to contact her... Or am I missing the point? I have like 2 friends left, 1 just moved away, and the other has two kids already. I got to hang out with the Daddy friend recently, and it was awesome seeing him happy like that. I hate the idea of kids (because I practically raised my little sister, brother, and a cousin), but a part of me feels like I'll just die if I see her with kids and they're not mine. Like I'll have missed my chance... I'd want her to be happy, but is that selfish still?

Ugh. :club:

Takes time to forget......either that or go find another girl or 2

Seems like a year should've been plenty of time to forget... but... I dunno. It could still be a while. I'm not really sure what to do about it. It seems whenever I'm close to forgetting about her, or just did, then something happens that will make me think of her. Finding another girl is like... impossible. Two is just asking for one o them Jesus-y miracles.

 

[Nicki]

I don't think it is ever selfish to want to be happy. After all, you want them to be happy too. It becomes selfish when we want our happiness no matter the cost to other people. Point of fact, I've got to get my own issue settled because the other men I have tried to love have been hurt in the long run. and they don't deserve that. they deserve someone who is fully available to love. I'm just saying, when you have the choice to sit it out or dance, DANCE! Life is too short to do otherwise! Your current life situation sounds pretty hectic right now. Know that this will pass and get better! Yes, you are getting behind on some things, but you are so young! Your life lies before you! Many choices and God willing, many years to make them! By the way, it is quite different raising your own child to raising a sibling! I've never had to raise a sibling, but I can tell you, nothing impacts our lives like being a parent!! There's got to be positive aspects to your life right now, try to find them and savor them. We do not always have all of our family, and sometimes it is only in hind sight that we realize how precious they were! I try to live my life to have no regrets... inevitably there are some... I'd be a mess if I didn't have that one guiding principle that I'd decided on years ago...

 

[trippytip]

So no one has any tips on just how to forget/stop thinking like this? I really don't know what to do...

I start thinking stupid things... and then I get depressed... mmhmmm...

 

[eris]

Sometimes we fall in love with the idea of someone. It seems like you built her up so high in your head it was almost impossible for her to live up to it. Im not saying youre wrong, everyone does this. But I think you are in love with the idea of love.

 

[trippytip]

I can see it that way. I was going to say, "she doesn't live up to what?*" but then I realized that's probably just the blindness from thinking so much of her. (*My expectations, I know lol)

I'm not sure what to do, and I hate the fact that I can't think of a coherent paragraph or two to post right now... lol

 

[eris]

I wish you all the best