saurus
New member
Please only read this if you are open-minded and can understand why I am frustrated and confused about the entire concept of a human mating.
I am agnostic without a real religion, so I have no inherent belief about casual sex being wrong or the like, and I don't know what to think about any of this any more.
I'm not even sure if I should post this, so its fine if a mod just deletes I guess.
Maybe I'll start off with a bit of background?
I'm 26 year old male. Virgin. Never dated, but I have been jealous regarding a female friend.
...Plus some other issues that I might discuss later.
But there's one issue that is really sticking out right now and I'm not even sure how much of this is jaded bitterness or logic.
See, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and all, whether I would need or want one, all that stuff, and it seems to me that its all just a catch-22:
Long-term relationships are bad because they will inevitably end in either break-up, or the loss of what we call love. Most people I've heard discuss being single vs in a relationship say that you don't need it for a complete life, meaning its a waste of time and effort with no result. Love isn't what we know it to be; it last for a few years, then it tapers off into ordinary human bonding and co-dependence if you are lucky. This requires a great deal of maintenance, making it a waste of time and effort. Given that humans feel lust and cheating is actually more human than people make it out to be, which can be backed up by the fact we have essentially found that romantic love *evolved* from practical considerations, literature, outdated religious beliefs, and chivalric philosophy. Some cultures don't even bound with the gender they are attracted to.
It seems to me that parents are for more successful if they are co-parents rather than married. The children mess up the relationship and the spouses often find that this is the point where the love breaks. Makes sense given that they've already completed the purpose of said "love".
In any case, the way we generally need to care for children does not seem natural. Given that we are genetically predisposed to it, you would think that it wouldn't feel like another kind of life or that people wouldn't regret it. But this quite clearly the case if a parent is going to be honest.
After breaking up or divorcing a person, you'll likely have to disassociate yourself from this person, as they know a lot of things you wouldn't want to be publicly known and they might be bitter or resentful. Whenever you show up, it just reminds them of their horrible failed relationship. Some even have to throw things out that remind them of their ex.
Of course, there are alternatives to monogamy.
These are all also bad, even if you leave aside the basic fact that its all douchy and wrong and will end up getting a guy in jail if they even consider any of it.
I'm only mentioning these for completeness.
Open or polygamous relationships create jealousy. Having sex with a friend destroys and/or complicates the friendship in numerous ways.
Having a relationship entirely based around sex with no real attachment means you must be cold.
"Pick-ups" are dangerous because you do not know the other person. They are also frowned upon, and can come back to haunt you.
And yet in spite of all this, being single and contemplating all of this is just as bad.
There is no winning.
I am agnostic without a real religion, so I have no inherent belief about casual sex being wrong or the like, and I don't know what to think about any of this any more.
I'm not even sure if I should post this, so its fine if a mod just deletes I guess.
Maybe I'll start off with a bit of background?
I'm 26 year old male. Virgin. Never dated, but I have been jealous regarding a female friend.
...Plus some other issues that I might discuss later.
But there's one issue that is really sticking out right now and I'm not even sure how much of this is jaded bitterness or logic.
See, I've been thinking a lot about relationships and all, whether I would need or want one, all that stuff, and it seems to me that its all just a catch-22:
Long-term relationships are bad because they will inevitably end in either break-up, or the loss of what we call love. Most people I've heard discuss being single vs in a relationship say that you don't need it for a complete life, meaning its a waste of time and effort with no result. Love isn't what we know it to be; it last for a few years, then it tapers off into ordinary human bonding and co-dependence if you are lucky. This requires a great deal of maintenance, making it a waste of time and effort. Given that humans feel lust and cheating is actually more human than people make it out to be, which can be backed up by the fact we have essentially found that romantic love *evolved* from practical considerations, literature, outdated religious beliefs, and chivalric philosophy. Some cultures don't even bound with the gender they are attracted to.
It seems to me that parents are for more successful if they are co-parents rather than married. The children mess up the relationship and the spouses often find that this is the point where the love breaks. Makes sense given that they've already completed the purpose of said "love".
In any case, the way we generally need to care for children does not seem natural. Given that we are genetically predisposed to it, you would think that it wouldn't feel like another kind of life or that people wouldn't regret it. But this quite clearly the case if a parent is going to be honest.
After breaking up or divorcing a person, you'll likely have to disassociate yourself from this person, as they know a lot of things you wouldn't want to be publicly known and they might be bitter or resentful. Whenever you show up, it just reminds them of their horrible failed relationship. Some even have to throw things out that remind them of their ex.
Of course, there are alternatives to monogamy.
These are all also bad, even if you leave aside the basic fact that its all douchy and wrong and will end up getting a guy in jail if they even consider any of it.
I'm only mentioning these for completeness.
Open or polygamous relationships create jealousy. Having sex with a friend destroys and/or complicates the friendship in numerous ways.
Having a relationship entirely based around sex with no real attachment means you must be cold.
"Pick-ups" are dangerous because you do not know the other person. They are also frowned upon, and can come back to haunt you.
And yet in spite of all this, being single and contemplating all of this is just as bad.
There is no winning.
