Regumika
Well-known member
First with a disclaimer, this isn't a problem I'm facing but rather a problem that I see often that people face. I want to understand why it is an issue in hopes to make it not an issue.
The question: Why is change difficult?
First, personal experience. I was in a relationship where I was often told "but you always do it this way," or "you've never done that before." I would also often hear "why did they do this, they've never done this before." In the relationship I have always come across many instances where change cannot happen, like it was taboo. Unless they break up from the current relationship and find a new one. Then they will be a new person to the new guy, but the new guy wouldn't know change happened.
I have also heard many people say how they wish they can just move (or those that have already moved) to some place where no one knows them and start over. What is the purpose? Why can't you change where you are? Is it taboo?
I have concluded that it's because of "Authenticity." As social creatures, we are finely attuned to liars. Many of us are traumatized and are emotional wrecks because of liars. Because we seek out any signs of lies to protect ourselves, we want people that are genuine, authentic. How do you be genuine and authentic? By doing the same thing every time. If you behave to a situation 99 times one way and 1 time another way, people become skeptical. "That's not what you did all the other times, what happened?" This makes change impossible, right? Because if you want to change, you have to do it differently than before.
So, how do we combat that? I think if we just decide to change anyway regardless of what people think and how they would judge you. Because sooner or later, your new self would be the authentic you. I don't think life should happen in chapters, it should just be one continuing flow.
What do you all feel the issue with changing is?
The question: Why is change difficult?
First, personal experience. I was in a relationship where I was often told "but you always do it this way," or "you've never done that before." I would also often hear "why did they do this, they've never done this before." In the relationship I have always come across many instances where change cannot happen, like it was taboo. Unless they break up from the current relationship and find a new one. Then they will be a new person to the new guy, but the new guy wouldn't know change happened.
I have also heard many people say how they wish they can just move (or those that have already moved) to some place where no one knows them and start over. What is the purpose? Why can't you change where you are? Is it taboo?
I have concluded that it's because of "Authenticity." As social creatures, we are finely attuned to liars. Many of us are traumatized and are emotional wrecks because of liars. Because we seek out any signs of lies to protect ourselves, we want people that are genuine, authentic. How do you be genuine and authentic? By doing the same thing every time. If you behave to a situation 99 times one way and 1 time another way, people become skeptical. "That's not what you did all the other times, what happened?" This makes change impossible, right? Because if you want to change, you have to do it differently than before.
So, how do we combat that? I think if we just decide to change anyway regardless of what people think and how they would judge you. Because sooner or later, your new self would be the authentic you. I don't think life should happen in chapters, it should just be one continuing flow.
What do you all feel the issue with changing is?