I have always been lonely. Always been sad. Recently a woman and I began what can only be called a relationship for lack of a better word. I gave her the virginity I was so desperate to be rid of, especially since at my age it isnt cute, its wierd. For awhile I was on cloud nine. She said she loved me and I felt it in the way she spoke and treated me. Now I rarely hear from her unless I initiate contact and even then its a few words here or there. She has started to blow me off more and more. When she once couldnt wait to see me she now makes excuses on how she cant see me. I believed her for a while until the excuses outnumbered the times Ive seen her. I dont know what to do. It seems silly but I love her. Love how she can make me feel. Before I delt with my lonliness as best as I could but now its worse than ever. She doesnt make me wish I was dead, she makes me wish I never existed. She makes me wish I never let her in. I dont know that there is a resolution to this problem but I just needed to express how it is affecting me. Thanks for listening.
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Lonesome Crow
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It's really hard to let go if you love someone.
It's a delimma I havnt been able to resolved myself...this time.
She tells me she loves me which make puts a major spin on it.
We're way past the honey moon stage.
I've resolved it differently many times before.
The plenty of fish in the ocean approached.
And sometimes I'll got net fishing.
Ive been in a divorce before. I know how that can turn a person for a loop.
I've also been in LT relationship that lasted over decades that ended.
All were difficult trials to live through.
And it's not like I never broken with her before...beuase we had serval times.
And it's not that I cant get other women...becuase I can and I have.
For some reason this time everything is so much deeper. So much more love.
I've tried options A, B,C, D and all the above. None of it is making it easier.
I'm not ashame nor afraid to admit I love her. becuase I do.
Thers not a part of me that wants to stop loving her.
Thats how i feel today and it hasnt changed.
I might feel different tomorrow...who knows?
This much I do know...if theres a different woman I'm suppose to love.
It's going to take a lot of woman and a lot of love becuase I've never been
in love with someone as much before and love someone as much before.
And I've been with plenty of women.
If and when that woman comes into my life...I will also know.
I can do an inventory of all her flaws to try to counter balance my feelings for her.
I can even pretend to hate her to cope or pysch myself out, to stop loving her.
The thing of it is...I nevered thought I love her. I love her from my heart and soul.
It's a delimma I havnt been able to resolved myself...this time.
She tells me she loves me which make puts a major spin on it.
We're way past the honey moon stage.
I've resolved it differently many times before.
The plenty of fish in the ocean approached.
And sometimes I'll got net fishing.
Ive been in a divorce before. I know how that can turn a person for a loop.
I've also been in LT relationship that lasted over decades that ended.
All were difficult trials to live through.
And it's not like I never broken with her before...beuase we had serval times.
And it's not that I cant get other women...becuase I can and I have.
For some reason this time everything is so much deeper. So much more love.
I've tried options A, B,C, D and all the above. None of it is making it easier.
I'm not ashame nor afraid to admit I love her. becuase I do.
Thers not a part of me that wants to stop loving her.
Thats how i feel today and it hasnt changed.
I might feel different tomorrow...who knows?
This much I do know...if theres a different woman I'm suppose to love.
It's going to take a lot of woman and a lot of love becuase I've never been
in love with someone as much before and love someone as much before.
And I've been with plenty of women.
If and when that woman comes into my life...I will also know.
I can do an inventory of all her flaws to try to counter balance my feelings for her.
I can even pretend to hate her to cope or pysch myself out, to stop loving her.
The thing of it is...I nevered thought I love her. I love her from my heart and soul.
The only thing you can do at this point is sit down and talk to her. Find out where she's at in regards to your relationship. Be prepare to hear things you may not want to hear.
It seems her actions have already shown how she feels about the relationship, but I think hearing it from her will give you that closure you need. I really do feel for you, AJR. It hurts like hell when a person deals so haphazardly with your heart.
LoneKiller
Well-known member
Hi AJR
I'll be completely honest. Virginity is a very important thing to some people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's today's society that puts a great deal of pressure on people to engage in sexual intercourse. The incessant razzing of virgins by others is a very strong motivator to have sex as soon as possible to avoid further headaches from friends or enemies.
So, say you have sex, you are no longer a virgin. Woop Dee Doo!! Is anyone awarding you a gold trophy for this accomplishment? Does it make you the coolest guy in the world? What do you have to show for accomplishing this highly respected act that is shared with the rest of the world? How special a person is that who loses their virginity? That "High 5" you get from your male peers is soooo important that all people would feel truly blessed to have.
If this woman said that she loved you, then why is she going out of her way to disrespect you by avoiding contact? Men are no better. They score one night with a woman, and the very next day, he and his boys are celebrating and whoopin' it up for the friend who got lucky. Meanwhile, the poor woman who wakes up in the morning by herself with feelings for the guy that will never be reciprocated.
The guy goes out of his way to avoid contact with her. Her heart breaks while the coolest fuckhead in the world that would sleep with anything bipedal is seen with a different girl who is going to get same level of respect that the last one had, which is 0.
My apologies if I came across a little harsh. I'm speaking in general terms, not you specifically. You feel crushed right now. Men get hurt just like women do. It just really sticks in my craw seeing others hurt like that. I hope that someday you will meet a woman who will be there with you in the morning.
God Bless.
LK
I'll be completely honest. Virginity is a very important thing to some people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's today's society that puts a great deal of pressure on people to engage in sexual intercourse. The incessant razzing of virgins by others is a very strong motivator to have sex as soon as possible to avoid further headaches from friends or enemies.
So, say you have sex, you are no longer a virgin. Woop Dee Doo!! Is anyone awarding you a gold trophy for this accomplishment? Does it make you the coolest guy in the world? What do you have to show for accomplishing this highly respected act that is shared with the rest of the world? How special a person is that who loses their virginity? That "High 5" you get from your male peers is soooo important that all people would feel truly blessed to have.
If this woman said that she loved you, then why is she going out of her way to disrespect you by avoiding contact? Men are no better. They score one night with a woman, and the very next day, he and his boys are celebrating and whoopin' it up for the friend who got lucky. Meanwhile, the poor woman who wakes up in the morning by herself with feelings for the guy that will never be reciprocated.
The guy goes out of his way to avoid contact with her. Her heart breaks while the coolest fuckhead in the world that would sleep with anything bipedal is seen with a different girl who is going to get same level of respect that the last one had, which is 0.
My apologies if I came across a little harsh. I'm speaking in general terms, not you specifically. You feel crushed right now. Men get hurt just like women do. It just really sticks in my craw seeing others hurt like that. I hope that someday you will meet a woman who will be there with you in the morning.
God Bless.
LK
It's going to be a long and hard fight getting over her, but you MUST stay busy. I can't tell you how much physical exertion helps. Good exercise is essential. Engage your hobbies. Find new ones. Think about who you are. Improve yourself. Most importantly, BE yourself. You were probably too good for her, but other women are worthy and you MUST believe this and not start on a path of having trust issues with women because of this. I feel really bad for you and everyone else who gets let down out of the blue by someone who SEEMED genuinely interested and just flaked the **** out of the relationship as if it was never a thing of importance. Some kind of hoax. Maybe a bet was made. Maybe she won.
I recently experienced this with an old acquaintance that showed me through her disregard for my feelings and just creating this one-track kind of deal that our opportunity of truly becoming friends has **** near died. Nothing short of me disrespecting myself and practically begging for her attention or calling her when my heart says she doesn't truly wish to speak to me will keep us on a path towards even a facade of a friendship. Until (and I am not holding my breath for this as it has been months since we last talked) she will at the very least acknowledge or consider that she may have done wrong by me, as I did for her in asking for forgiveness at a time when things were going awry, I will not be able to trust her, respect her, etc. I have put myself through some kind of training camp with the purpose of being able to be genuinely pleasant with her in the event we randomly encounter each other.
I recently experienced this with an old acquaintance that showed me through her disregard for my feelings and just creating this one-track kind of deal that our opportunity of truly becoming friends has **** near died. Nothing short of me disrespecting myself and practically begging for her attention or calling her when my heart says she doesn't truly wish to speak to me will keep us on a path towards even a facade of a friendship. Until (and I am not holding my breath for this as it has been months since we last talked) she will at the very least acknowledge or consider that she may have done wrong by me, as I did for her in asking for forgiveness at a time when things were going awry, I will not be able to trust her, respect her, etc. I have put myself through some kind of training camp with the purpose of being able to be genuinely pleasant with her in the event we randomly encounter each other.
LoneKiller
Well-known member
The way things are these days in 2011, people just don't trust people anymore. Everyone is out to rip you off or screw with you. The internet is a perfect tool to accomplish almost any devious thing you can think of. Being a little paranoid online can save your ass.jjam said:
I really appreciate all the posts and words of encouragement. The truth is I was desperate to lose my virginity for many reasons and people's view of me was only a minor detail of that. It was validation I was seeking. That after 27 years of desperate lonliness that I was good enough. I know she didnt use me for sex since she waited until I was ready. The truth is I dont even care about sex, I just want someone who wants to be near me. I just want someone who cares.
On a secondary note I must own up to my failings in this venture of mine. I wouldnt say I was overly needy, just wanted her to txt me from time to time and try to spend some time with me once a week. I dont have a lot of relationship experience so I dont know if that is too much to ask for. I am pretty sure my desperation is apparent to her though and maybe that was the problem.
Recently I have tried to use the silent treatment which is tough on me but it keeps coming up as the most reasonable advice aside from leaving her and facing that lonliness again. Even when she makes me feel like a worthless clinger I cant help but remember those great times I had. Im sure Ill have to leave her soon and God knows I dont want to but it might be the only option in the end.
Thanks again for listening. It is a great help to just put these thoughts down and get them out there. You folks are a blessing to me.
On a secondary note I must own up to my failings in this venture of mine. I wouldnt say I was overly needy, just wanted her to txt me from time to time and try to spend some time with me once a week. I dont have a lot of relationship experience so I dont know if that is too much to ask for. I am pretty sure my desperation is apparent to her though and maybe that was the problem.
Recently I have tried to use the silent treatment which is tough on me but it keeps coming up as the most reasonable advice aside from leaving her and facing that lonliness again. Even when she makes me feel like a worthless clinger I cant help but remember those great times I had. Im sure Ill have to leave her soon and God knows I dont want to but it might be the only option in the end.
Thanks again for listening. It is a great help to just put these thoughts down and get them out there. You folks are a blessing to me.
