Lonesome Crow said:
FFS.. Its okay to cheat but its not okay to be a player..
If ur going to play...Play
Be single. Talk, meet and have hundreds of women in ur life..
If ur going to make a commitment
Then make a commitment.
If u changed ur mind..then get a devoirce or break up.
Keep it simple stupid.
Life is not that complicated.
I'm guessing this is directed at me, as I started both threads.
I never implied either was okay or not okay. Whether one dumps a cheater is highly subjective, and a player, as I tried to describe him, is someone who chooses a specific type of behavior in certain situations. There's nothing right or wrong about it.
People cheat all the time without changing their minds about commitment. It's not as simple as you think. Quite the opposite.
I'm asking YOU in the OP what YOU would do. I'm not asking what you think OTHERS should do.
Minus said:
From what i have seen there is far from a perfect correlation between what someone thinks they will do and what they actually do when faced with that situation. You surprise yourself sometimes.
Very true. There are so many variables to consider.
To me, honesty is key, especially honesty with oneself. If I enter into a relationship with a known tramp, I shouldn't be surprised if she cheats. Honesty from the partner is also important. I knew a woman who duped her boyfriend into believing she was a "good girl." A cheat can involve as little as a few minutes, and that's what she did...nearly every day...at work. There's no way anyone would expect her man to have known. Happens all the time. I worked as a room service waiter at the Reno Flamingo back in my twenties. I was propositioned many times by married women while hubby was downstairs gambling. Again, honesty with myself is important here. I've been around the block, and I realize that obsessing over how the world works harms only me.
I believe the old addage, "What you don't know won't hurt you" is highly applicable to this subject.
FWIW: As I've described elsewhere, I was involved with an addict for two years. I knew she was cheating. I certainly didn't like it, but that was not my foremost concern. I put the cheating out of my head. It was a highly dysfunctional relationship, to say the least, so probably not a good example, but it does illustrate that there can be more going on than un/faithfulness.