Cheating

[Darkness]

What do you do when you know two friends of yours are married and you know one of the them is cheating ( wife ) on the other person?

My first instinct is to go to the husband and be like hey your wife is cheating on you, but I don't want to be the one that gets scolded for bringing it up. I know the husband will be upset, but I don't want the wife and a lot of her friends to backlash on me.

I work with both of them at work. I thought about slipping a note in the husband locker as a heads up, but I don't know his locker. He isn't computer savy what so ever. So I can't do anything that route.

Am I going to far? Should I just leave it a lone?

 

[silver birch leaves]

Unless one of them or both are your close friends, I think it's better to stay away

 

[Badjedidude]

STAY THE fresia OUT OF IT

It's not your issue. It's not your fight. It's not your life. It's not your business.

Getting dragged into something like that could possibly be the worst thing you could do, for everyone involved.

 

[Tiina63]

I would also say to stay out of it. Let them sort it out between themselves.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

This is really a tough thing.
I wouldn't know what to do, really.
And I guess staying out of it would be the right thing to do. I don't know.
But if I were a husband, or someones partner, I would like to know that, I would like to know what I´m at. But on the other hand, I´m one of those people that are kinda disgusted by the saying "what eyes don't see, heart wont hurt" (or something like that, I bet there is a better, more fitting, translation of this).
Maybe he is different. Maybe he would rather be happy than to know the truth. I do not know that. Only thing I know is that I wouldn't, and I would appreciate a friend telling me.

But again, I don't know. I just know what would I want in the position of the said husband.
I´m sorry I have no real advice. Maybe just that if you decide to tell him, do it straight, as a man. No locker room messages or anything.

I´m sorry I can help you.

 

[Peaches]

I agree that the partner would like to know, but probably ultimately the blame will fall on the messenger, and that will screw up a) their already screwed up marriage b) your friendship with them c) your friendship with common friends d) you will be remember forever as 'terminator of marriages'.

I had the same problem, seeing the boyfriend of my (former) best friend around with a woman, and he even made something like a pass at me at some point, but at the time they were having problems I think (she was also not completely blameless, being very cold and passive aggressive) and he was really frustrated, my hope is that now that they seem much happier he doesn't fool around anymore, so I am happy that she didn't come to know. I agree with the principle YellowCat describes, what eyes don't see etc is kind of disgusting, but some people are immature and they do make mistakes, so if it was just one period of 'acting out' perhaps it's better left untold. It's really difficult to make a judgement call on these things.

At the time my plan was to unassumingly bring the girlfriend back home at an unexpected time when he was probably cheating on her, so that she will make the discovery "accidentally", but I also suspect that SHE didn't want to know, and that she wouldn't have admitted the truth even in front of bare (even literally) facts.

 

[Darkness]

Just to clear things up. I wasn't going to let this person know it was me who sent the heads up. I know I can be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. Also if I was to ever get married someday and my wife was cheating on me. I wish someone would have the balls to tell me. Even if it was a random note out of no where giving me a heads up. Yes I would be hurt and very disappointed, but if I were to catch her in the act without knowing. I would go BERSERK!

When someone is clearly doing something wrong I'm not going to turn away and act like nothing happened. Even if it isn't my issue, fight, life or business. People who turn away and act like nothing happened are SCUM in my opinion.

 

[Lady X]

I'm gonna go against the grain here and somewhat disagree with what others have said (with a caveat)... If you are close friends with the husband, then at least talk to the him, see if he will open up to you about the marriage. He may already know, or suspect. If he isn't willing to open up about it, then it probably isn't the best time to tell him. If you are close friends to the wife, then talk to her and try encourage her to either stop this destructive behaviour to save the marriage, or leave him.

I've been cheated on, and it really hurt me when I found out. However what made me even more upset was when I found out that my close friends had known too but never told me.

BUT...
If you are not particularly close to either of them though, then I would agree that it's best to stay out of it. It's something that you need a certain level of trust and closeness with someone to know how best to approach this with them, and how best to support them once you have told them. If you can't, then telling them will do more harm than good