Cold Graveyard

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Satchel421

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
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Location
Alabama
It's a memorable challenge to walk in a grave
Slowly taking your breaths like soothing waves
Completely surrounded by the graves of others
And to know one day, you'll just be another

The feeling is strong of being pulled in
Your neck is held tight, it might never end
Part of you doesn't want it to go
As you struggle for breath, you enjoy the show

You can feel death just following you around
Laughing, screaming, and clawing the ground
Continue to walk, you must be bold
You must not be afraid of deaths evil cold

Your heart beating like a ticking clock
It's so strong, why won't it stop!
But it does, and you're left in quiet
No matter what you do, you can defy it.

In mid-step have you somehow died?
You tell yourself no, but it feels like a lie
Why would you go, just fade away?
Why should you stay in the meaningless gray?

You focus for a moment and return to life
So thankful to the graveyard's site
As scary and haunting as the graveyard may seem
It's the end of life, where we'll one day be

Continue to walk to the grave at the end
Tripping and falling in a weakened trend.
You look up towards the grave like a door
The grave shares your title because it is yours....
 
Not bad at all.

Nice concept although executed a little haphazardly. Still the imaging and the pace was pretty good.

Sorry If I seem like I'm critiquing you..I'm studying to be an english teacher at university so its kinda ingrained into me..lol.

But constructive critisim is good right?

All in all. A pretty awesome poem with a great concept:D

keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.
 
Das Wolf said:
Not bad at all.

Nice concept although executed a little haphazardly. Still the imaging and the pace was pretty good.

Sorry If I seem like I'm critiquing you..I'm studying to be an english teacher at university so its kinda ingrained into me..lol.

But constructive critisim is good right?

All in all. A pretty awesome poem with a great concept:D

keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more.

Don't worry, I think constructive critisim is a VERY good thing. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm always open to suggestions.
 

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