Cold

[Jinxun]

Hi I don't know if this thread has been done before but if it has then I do apologise.

I have been alone and lonely for the past 10 years or so and at first I got depressed and thought there was something wrong with me all the usual suspects but for the past few years I haven’t felt like that, I've found that I've become emotionally detached, that I observe the world around me with a cold calculating mind.

I no longer feel anything; I don't get angry or upset so I was wondering if this had happened to anyone else?

 

[catwixen]

Yes I get this. I think you are experiencing a perfectly natural response to the pain you have been through. We are only human, and humans need emotional and physical contact. If you have not had that...you turn off. We cannot expect to feel after many years of having to deny our hurt...it is too much.
I wish the best for you.

 

[Jinxun]

Thank you for the kind words but I accepted my pain a long time ago, I came to terms with it, pain is something we all have to go through at least once in our life and to deny is to deny our own growth.

 

[catwixen]

Yes I get what you are saying...but I accepted my pain long ago too. Maybe I am seeing something in you I recognise? Giving up? Losing the energy to keep fighting?
If I am wrong...I apologise.

 

[Jinxun]

Your not wrong, but and this is the odd thing since I "gave up" on being emotional I've found that I'm alot more effective, I focus on things much better and have a greater self discipline than I did before.

 

[catwixen]

Oh Ok....you do not see it as a negative thing? Sorry I misunderstood. Many Buddhists strive for this outcome....

 

[Jinxun]

lol I guess life has a sense of irony

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It felt kind of like that for me this past year.
Nothing phased me anymore. yeap disconnected

It's been a long slow process of healing for me.
I stopped listen to music the day Jenni died.
I'm a musician and play heavy metal.
Six month later I heard a song by Sharon Drury. (unknown artist)
Sharon works with chidren that suffers from life on life's terms..
She belives music has the power to heal.
It's a piano composition piece. I not sure what happened.
I remember just sitting and crying...yet the music gave me a sence of comfort.

The irony is...the name of the song is "out of the Blues"
I came across sharon's music out of the blues.

Jenni came into my life out of the blues.
Jenni left my life out of the blues.

The Amygoala in my brain was effected by Jenni's passing. Jenni's passing shattered my mind.

 

[spuzzwink]

I've found that I've become emotionally detached, that I observe the world around me with a cold calculating mind.

I find myself doing this regularly, and far more so when I am feeling depressed. I don't know if it's more my inherent rational nature or a coping mechanism I've developed over the years to continue with life when I feel like I'm dying on the inside.

Many Buddhists strive for this outcome....

Do you think you would want to change the way you feel Jinxun or are you quite content in your place of "zen"? I also find I am far more productive but I always seem to get thrown back into emotional turmoil!

 

[Jinxun]

I am quite content with the way I am now, I mean don't get me wrong I know that there are some situations in life that require emotion to help you make a choice but when I look watch the people around me it's like I'm seeing through new eyes, I mean (and please don't take this as any suicidal agenda) I understand now that death is a path we all must take and that as easy as our life was given to us it can be taken away just as easily.

I'm only 18 but I would say I haven't been a child since I was about 13, the truth is I've found a strength in my solitude I have realised that even though I've been alone for all these years I'm still here, that it was my own will power that kept me going and as odd as this may sound I think that when I realised that I began to see the world in a new light.

 

[Unacceptance]

Use your robot powers to fight crime.

 

[Jinxun]

lol