Coming Out of the Lonely Closet

[Lost Drifter]

I’m not sure if this has been asked before but has anyone just told other people about their loneliness? And I don’t mean people on here (that would be obvious) but people who you don’t perceive as being lonely themselves like your family, co-workers, friends etc?

I’m curious because in this day and age loneliness still seems to be that unspeakable taboo. Unlike depression or stress where talking is encouraged, do people feel more embarrassed to talk about their loneliness? Are they afraid of how others will react?

I did mention it to someone at work and their reaction was to smirk and roll their eyes. After all everyone has family and friends don’t they? Um...no some of us really don't so its hard knowing who to talk to. Is loneliness one of the last taboos?

 

[putter65]

I’m not sure if this has been asked before but has anyone just told other people about their loneliness? And I don’t mean people on here (that would be obvious) but people who you don’t perceive as being lonely themselves like your family, co-workers, friends etc?

I’m curious because in this day and age loneliness still seems to be that unspeakable taboo. Unlike depression or stress where talking is encouraged, do people feel more embarrassed to talk about their loneliness? Are they afraid of how others will react?

I did mention it to someone at work and their reaction was to smirk and roll their eyes. After all everyone has family and friends don’t they? Um...no some of us really don't so its hard knowing who to talk to. Is loneliness one of the last taboos?

If I do mention 'not having a girlfriend' or 'not having friends' to people, I tend to joke about it. So they just laugh and find it funny.

I'm sure people's advice would be to 'get out there ' and that would be it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I've never really told anyone actually. I don't think most people are interested and I've no desire to burden them with my own insecurities.

Plus when I think about it in the presence I tend to get a little bit emotional about it all so I prefer not to voice that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Uhm. People react so negatively when you tell them your'e depressed.

Don't tell them you're lonely either.

You'll come off as desperate and pathetic. :l

 

[Jack Tripper]

I've told other people who were lonely or depressed that I was lonely....but as far as telling a "normal" person....I wouldn't....they would never understand.

I don't think loneliness is a taboo.....people might think of you as a loser if you tell them you're lonely......I can't really answer for why your co-worker smirked and rolled their eyes.....but I think most people would just end up giving pointless advice "go out more" "join a club" blah blah blah.

I'd say depression is more of a taboo.....people either end up thinking your wrong in the head......or that you just need more "fun" in your life.

 

[tangerinedream]

I shy away from it more now because, as with the few times I have opened up to my Significant Other about my depression, I get a variety of responses ranging from dismissive to outraged and offended.

The gist of it is, what the hell do I have to be depressed about/why the hell should I feel lonely when:

I am healthy
I have a man who loves me*
I have beautiful, healthy kids
I have people out there in the world who care about me
I could be so much worse off
There are millions of women out there who would DIE to be in my shoes
etc

The fact of the matter is, they completely miss the point: neither depression nor loneliness are wholly determined by whether or not you have people around you.

Loneliness can be far more about whether or not you feel connected to those around you, and depression can be completely independent of your life circumstances and wholly up to brain chemistry gone berserk.


But admit to being depressed or lonely, people are likely to accuse you of being a self-pitying martyr playing the victim.

Wow. Way to have compassion.


So yeah, I'm not going to say a ******* word to people IRL about how soul-crushingly alone I feel most days, even when I am surrounded by people. It just ends in my being hurt. fresia that honeysuckle.


*No longer applicable, and they both were lying about loving me anyway. ******* bastards.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Way to have compassion.

I hate saying this but most people seem to have little to none.

 

[tangerinedream]

Way to have compassion.

I hate saying this but most people seem to have little to none.

Certainly seems that way some days.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Way to have compassion.

I hate saying this but most people seem to have little to none.

Certainly seems that way some days.

Seems that way for most of my days....

*sigh*

 

[fox]

I have no such person to tell it.. the one person in my life, knows is the one person in my life. But no friends, or family, coworkers, classmates, any such thing.

If I were to talk to a stranger, and tell this, only I can imagine the terrible reaction...

Certainly I do think it is, taboo.

 

[Tiina63]

I find it very hard to tell people I am lonely. So many people just see it as self pity or as my being pathetic that their reaction makes me feel even lonelier. If I am in a support group I might admit it, but otherwise I keep it inside.

 

[HappyYogi]

Yes, I think it is taboo. Depression is stress is OK but loneliness...most people are uncomfortable when you bring it up. Not all but most. I think it's because they don't want to recognize their OWN loneliness and you bringing it up just reminds them. Also, they may not know how to help you or solve it and that can make them feel uncomfortable or sad or want to pity you. I often think it's like being divorced...people look at it as something that is contagious and can be caught.

So NO I don't bring it up...only with the very few in my life I have trusted...but most people are not self aware enough to react well.

 

[Dragonfriend]

I've had three experiences so far with confessing my loneliness:

1. In high school I was sent to see a therapist/psychiatrist.

2. At a family reunion they all laughed at me and dubbed me weak.

3. My circle of friends deemed that I need a boyfriend.

No one wants to hear if you're feeling lonely or sad. Deal with it and keep it to yourself. Some world, huh?

 

[warewolf95]

I really want to tell my parents so I can get some help, but theyd probably explode on me

 

[aribeth]

I dont tell people I'm lonely but then again I have nobody to tell it too. The pastor's wife hinted one time about me enduring it. I couldnt answer her but she knew I was lonely. Worse part is when you try things and it just doesnt work to make friends.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I often think it's like being divorced...people look at it as something that is contagious and can be caught.

That’s a good point, I think a lot of people see any sort of mental or emotional issues as either being the fault of the victim for not being “normal” or as some contagious illness that needs to be avoided. I think what bugs me most is people assuming that everyone has somebody to support them, that everyone has family or that everyone has friends etc.

 

[sunshinemisa]

I shy away from it more now because, as with the few times I have opened up to my Significant Other about my depression, I get a variety of responses ranging from dismissive to outraged and offended.

The gist of it is, what the hell do I have to be depressed about/why the hell should I feel lonely when:

I am healthy
I have a man who loves me*
I have beautiful, healthy kids
I have people out there in the world who care about me
I could be so much worse off
There are millions of women out there who would DIE to be in my shoes
etc

The fact of the matter is, they completely miss the point: neither depression nor loneliness are wholly determined by whether or not you have people around you.

Loneliness can be far more about whether or not you feel connected to those around you, and depression can be completely independent of your life circumstances and wholly up to brain chemistry gone berserk.


But admit to being depressed or lonely, people are likely to accuse you of being a self-pitying martyr playing the victim.

Wow. Way to have compassion.


So yeah, I'm not going to say a ******* word to people IRL about how soul-crushingly alone I feel most days, even when I am surrounded by people. It just ends in my being hurt. fresia that honeysuckle.


*No longer applicable, and they both were lying about loving me anyway. ******* bastards.

Wow, that's exactly how I feel! When I try to tell my husband, I get the "snap out of it already" or I get the guilt trip.

People need to be more compassionate towards each other. I think that would make life a little easier.

 

[tangerinedream]

Wow, that's exactly how I feel! When I try to tell my husband, I get the "snap out of it already" or I get the guilt trip.

People need to be more compassionate towards each other. I think that would make life a little easier.

I'm very sorry that you can relate. :/

It's such a huge thing though, because how you feel - lonely or depressed - can actually color your mindset, which can be a self-perpetuating spiral of misery.

I'm happy to say that I am feeling much better, although nothing has profoundly changed about my circumstances. I've done a lot of soul-searching lately and had an actual watershed moment this weekend. Plus last week, I took steps to really re-engage with the world.

If there is hope for an old broad like me, I think that anyone can help himself/herself.

 

[sunshinemisa]

Wow, that's exactly how I feel! When I try to tell my husband, I get the "snap out of it already" or I get the guilt trip.

People need to be more compassionate towards each other. I think that would make life a little easier.

I'm very sorry that you can relate. :/

It's such a huge thing though, because how you feel - lonely or depressed - can actually color your mindset, which can be a self-perpetuating spiral of misery.

I'm happy to say that I am feeling much better, although nothing has profoundly changed about my circumstances. I've done a lot of soul-searching lately and had an actual watershed moment this weekend. Plus last week, I took steps to really re-engage with the world.

If there is hope for an old broad like me, I think that anyone can help himself/herself.

Old broad? Age is nothing but a number (and how many aches and pains you have..lol ) By my definition I guess I'm hittting at least 99 years of age..lol ;p

I've been seeing the world with a more compassionate attitude and all I get back is negative attitudes. I try to ignore the negativeness (is that a word?) but, I feel more and more alone, weriod and stupid for trying. But I'm going to keep on staying positive and compassionate,it's hard and I have my good days and bad but, it's better than been miserable and complaining all the time.