Couple of things

[lbstanley70]

First off, I want to say thank you to all of you who offer advice to me when I am in the mood to post. I know I don't respond very much to your comments but I do appreciate your comments and observations and I really do read and take to heart what you say. This site is a place for me to share my frustrations and as most of my friends have very little idea about what ails me, this site is really the only place I can truly share what I am feeling. I am thankful that some of you are out there reading what I have to say to and trying to help me improve my life. I really do appreciate it and I am thankful you are trying to help. Thank You

My ex was home for the holidays and had told me several weeks ago she wouldn't see me but this week she texts me and says she wants to hang out on Saturday. Well, I text her back yesterday (Saturday) and let her know I am in town at 1 pm and I get nothing. I text her at 11 pm and tell her I miss her and wished I could have seen her and she texts back she was sick and didn't feel like like hanging out. Today she asks what I am doing and we sort of agree to meet before she heads back out of town and then she texts and says she isn't feeling and will just head back to where she lives.

I didn't ask her to hang out. I didn't ask her anything but she threw it out there and then she pulls it back and I feel like such a dumb ass because I swear she has a camera in my head and knows exactly how to manipulate me and even when I don't talk to her, she hits me when I am thinking about her and it gets old and what sucks more than anything is right now I know there is nothing I can do about it but complain and post on this site because I don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done (which is walk away and never turn back).

I get so frustrated sometimes at my lack of action. I am a man of action, not afraid to take chances but she paralyzes me and it goes against every bit of my dna yet I am the one who allows it to happen. I know I am the fool but she affects me in so many ways. I have been thinking about her hair, her wrists, her chin, her hazel eyes, her little fingers which I have held so many times (she is a petite woman) and her pouty lower lip which I loved to kiss. She wears this amazing scent that lingers in my nostrils and mind forever and it smells like heaven to me and when I am by someone who is wearing the same perfume, my mind wanders like a leaf in the wind and I am dumbstruck for a time. How I wanted to gaze into her eyes today and breathe in her scent and person. She moves me in so many ways and I can honestly say, no one, not even my beautiful ex wife, captured my imagination like my Pita (pain in the ass). And yes that was her nickname. She brought out the best in me and now all that lingers is a shell of a man trying to find himself in a deserted house he wrought with his own hands.

Sorry for my long diatribe. I am a bit out of sorts and my only release is here. I gave you guys the short version...

 

[mana]

Hey lbstanley70!

I read your post and it's so touching. I just went back 5 years ago to my first real love story. when it ended I felt just like you. I missed every detail and when I smell my ex's perfume I got emptiness and excitement deep within my stomach. strange feeling it is and hard to describe

I understand your strong attachment to this girl and I must advice you to GET OVER. you must be strong and never fall to any future manipulation or games by her.

please don't end like me.... it's so hard for me to get into new serious relationship due to the eternal fear of getting hurt which I can't control. do your best to find a new love.

I wish you luck mate.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Have you tried to place an ultimatum on her? Either she comes up with a real time for you to meet and talk over things(if you're going to start up again, even as friends) or just call it quits for real? This way, when she flakes out on you again, you can assuredly say that it was her who ended it and that its her fault.

Not feeling well, I suppose, is valid, but repeatedly?

 

[lbstanley70]

I have found ultimatums usually end in my being miserable and feeling like I should have taken more of a conciliatory approach. Right now I would rather have a small part of her than no part at all and I feel like if I draw that line in the sand, I will wind up regretting it...

 

[Kat]

The problem is that you keep thinking that you can change yourself in order to make this relationship work or that she will change to make this relationship work. It won't no matter what you do. She is immature, confused, rude and manipulative. Do you love those parts about her? I'm assuming no, and if that's no, then she's not right for you. Grief takes time. For lots of people, it takes weeks, months, even years. It is normal to keep thinking about her everyday because that's what you did before when you were with her. It is normal to keep cycling through emotions. It is normal to back track and replay things that happened in your mind over and over and over again. Your mind wants to restore what it's been "used to" instead of accepting emptiness. Fill the emptiness with something that increases your self esteem.

Ignore her texts. Ignore her calls. Ignore her entirely. Her stringing you along like this should reinforce the obvious that she's not right for you. Try a new hobby that you've always considered trying. Become passionate about something else. The more time that passes that you maintain no contact, the easier it will get.