Coworker troubles...can't take it anymore...

[islandgirl808]

Hi everyone 
I'm a newbie here, and this is my first post. I take great comfort in reading all of your stories because it shows me that I am not alone in my...loneliness.

The big issue I am dealing with right now has to do with a coworker I've known for almost 10 years, and is someone whom I considered to be a friend. We've gone through a lot together, both personally and professionally. However, it seems as though I am always the shoulder to cry on, and the one who's always there to lend an ear. Her...not so much. She seems to pick and choose when she wants to be friends. One day she'll be all buddy-buddy with me, and the next...out of the blue...she stops speaking to me.  Since I am one of those people who always wants to know the truth, I ask her what's up...did I say or do anything to offend her? Her response is usually, "I don't know what you're talking about. You're being paranoid." Then continues to ignore me.

I must add that I think she's a rather unhappy person in general. She does nothing but complain and talk down about others (like we're back in middle school). It's exhausting. I would like to just come to work...do my job...and leave. I know that most of my coworkers are just that... Coworkers and not lifelong buddies. But it's SO hard coming in to work every day with that awful "vibe" hanging around. I should also say that I am nit the only one she treats poorly. She has a reputation for being negative and having a bad temper. 

Logically, I know I just need to cut her loose and realize that she does not want to be friends with me (which kinda hurts after all these years). She frequently mentions coworkers as "these are people I work with and nothing more". Now I'm thinking she was including me in that group.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make things easier for me? If she was someone I could just ask, and know she'd tell me the truth, that would be great. It would hurt, but I could move on. This passive-aggressive thing is draining.

Sorry this is so long. Thank you all for listening. 

 

[All In The Mind]

I shall offer a simple explanation to this problem of yours.....


Work Colleagues are a pain in the arse!

 

[islandgirl808]

Yeah... I kinda figured that out about 20 years ago. Haha

 

[PurpleDays]

She's obviously a touch of a "fair weather friend", or rather, a "overcast friend". If you know what I mean...? She uses when you need her. You need reciprocity in any relationship, especially with things like work, cos that can be as close as a partner - I mean, when you're working full time you often see the people you work with as much or MORE than your partner (or, I would, if I had one, haha).

Just level with her. Don't be accusitory or mean, or upset. Don't show any weakness. Just tell her how she's making you feel and that sometimes you need to feel you're being heard. And if she blows up at you or ignores you again, she's clearly not worth it!

Or maybe, just treat her as she treats you. Just be casual with her. She's only one person. What about the other people you work with? Any friends there? Obviously she doesn't value you as much as you do her, so why not just... be acquaintances?

Does this help at all? feel free to tell me I'm wrong... . Explain more!! How was she today?

Harriet

 

[islandgirl808]

PurpleDays

I think "fair weather friend" is a perfect description. I intend to treat her as she's treating me...if I bump into her in the hallway I'll say "hi", but I'm not going to initiate any conversations. I've tried to talk to her about how she makes me feel many times before, calmly and rationally and unemotionally, and she just automatically gets defensive (which tells me that she KNOWS she's wrong). I think I just have to write this one off.

As for my other coworkers, I get along okay with them in the office. We talk about all the crap tv shows we watch, music, etc., and it's fine. I have no desire to socialize with them outside the office, and I don't feel bad about that. They feel the same way, and that's why we can get along. They don't jerk me around like this other one does.

(Am I going to hell for wishing the boss would call her in about her attitude and fire her? LOL!)

She hasn't come in yet, but I'll let you know how the day goes. Thank you very much for reading and replying.

 

[PurpleDays]

Hey man, I'm totally going to hell for wishing my BOSS was fired...