Culture

[licorice]

I was so depressed about living in an alien culture today that I actually cried. I'm just so tired of being different in unchangeable ways and facing bridges social skills won't help me cross no matter how good I become. I don’t know why I am this way, but my values and personality just don’t align with Western culture and people have been recommending places I’d like since I was small. Two recommendations for Japan, one from a friend who’s moving there to teach next year. Countless recommendations for other countries far from home.

I’m taking a communications class that has included sections about culture, and it makes me ache to read the comparisons and look at where I am versus what’s out there that would have been so much better to be born into. It aches to read about working with ESL students and to hear about the differences in the way they communicate and the way their languages work. I'm the first choice when it comes to working with them for a reason.

My only alternative to this mental, emotional, and most of all spiritual loneliness would be to be that awkward white person who moves in, butchers the language, and acts like one of the locals. I would only want to be around people who communicate in a way that makes sense and have norms and expectations that I’d thrive under, but I’m sure that’s the impression I’d give and the reactions wouldn’t be pretty. What would even be the point of that? Begging like a dumb, lost puppy to be adopted by a new culture and taken in as one of their own?

I hate living in the US. I hate it here! I wish my great-grandparents had never moved here! No matter how much I try to explain myself beneath the surface I’m so different that people have to warp and twist me in order to wrap their minds around what I'm saying.

And of course I’ll regret all this after I’ve calmed down. Letting on what I freak I was born as.

 

[Hopetracer]

This is one of the biggest problems in my life and one of the main reasons why I feel lonely and depressed. There is no day that I don't think about this. I learn about other cultures as well and know how painful is the feeling of being born in wrong society.
I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say you're not alone and I can relate.

 

[Seeker]

I understand you too well, OP, I too feel like I have been born in the wrong country (or the wrong historical period for that matter, but that's a completely different story )

 

[LonelyNormalBoy]

I have exactly the same problem that I think I born in a wrong country, P.R.China. I love US and its culture and people, I'm always thinking one day I'm going to US, I think maybe we could exchange our position for few days or weeks. How do you think? is that possible?

 

[Tiina63]

I have also always felt that I was born either in the wrong country or at the wrong time period. I find that present Western attitudes contribute to my loneliness. The stress on independence, on getting ahead in life, on hiding weakness and emotional needs is all too much for me.
Licorice-I hope that one day you find a country and a culture to move to where you fit in and feel accepted.

 

[licorice]

Thanks, everyone. It means a lot just to hear that I'm not... shunned for this. I usually keep quiet about my beliefs and preferences to avoid conflict.

This is one of the biggest problems in my life and one of the main reasons why I feel lonely and depressed. There is no day that I don't think about this. I learn about other cultures as well and know how painful is the feeling of being born in wrong society.
I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say you're not alone and I can relate.

A few online acquaintances have been in Japan on business in the past, and they were telling me about some of the social norms and expectations they encountered. I think it was meant to warn me of things I might not like, but it only made it more appealing.

I have exactly the same problem that I think I born in a wrong country, P.R.China. I love US and its culture and people, I'm always thinking one day I'm going to US, I think maybe we could exchange our position for few days or weeks. How do you think? is that possible?

I don't know much about Chinese culture, but I feel as though it would be hard to find a worse match. If only.

 

[ReflectingPool]

I've often felt that I was born in the wrong country. The superficiality, hyper-competitiveness, and extroversion of American culture can get pretty hard to take at times. I've often wished I lived somewhere where people were more down to earth and low-key in their personalities. Also, the economic instability, violence, crazy politics, and extreme inequality of American society are frequently very depressing to me.