Curious behaviour

[TheSolitaryMan]

I do partner dancing as a hobby, and so I come into contact with quite a few ladies. It's great fun, and I recommend it! Anyway, this has caused some strange flirting. I mean, girls acting in a way that really doesn't make sense to me.

I'll start with the one story and if anyone's interested I'll express my further confusion with something a little more advanced

Exhibit 1: I danced with a girl recently who was getting seriously "cuddly". We were talking a lot and she was laughing almost all the time. I felt really comfortable.

At one point she slipped, I caught her, and then after holding her for a few moments I realised that she was now balanced fine, yet she was just snuggling into me. Jokingly I said "Sorry, I think we're just hugging now." and she said "Yeah...I like hugs."

Anyway, we continued, she spent the whole time really close to me and when I looked at her she seemed to be blushing, so I figured maybe she did indeed find me attractive. Afterwards she came over to me and seemed to want to talk more, even hinting that she wanted to swap phone numbers.

All pretty cool so far? Well, after she'd gone someone casually started talking about her boyfriend. Made me feel kind of uncomfortable that we'd been so flirty together, because they sound (from what this person said) like a nice, happy couple!

Is it normal for girls to flirt with guys like that when they've already got a dude in their life? Because personally, I wouldn't be happy with a GF of mine encouraging guys to cuddle them and stuff. Not that I'm offended or anything, I just thought it was rather strange.

 

[perfanoff]

This is funny, I was wondering a similar thing about a girl a few days ago.

So what's normal? If you mean if flirting while you have a partner is accepted in modern society, it definitely is. Keeping a partner until the moment you finish your active search for a new partner is also widespread.

I guess many people are just fickle, period. But hey, if it works for them.

 

[fox]

It is very possible i think, she is serious about her boyfriend, and just have a "coquettish" personality. I do not think it is.. very common, but there are plenty people that way. It is good you discovered this (about her boyfriend) sooner than later though.

What is the other story?

 

[Veruca]

I think flirting depends on context. If its purely verbal and done in a joking way, then to me, it wouldn't matter if it was happening between people in relationships because its not something to be taken too seriously. If its verbal with lots of eye contact, lip biting etc or includes physical contact, then I would think that as a serious flirt. That could either mean an invitation or just enjoying attention.

Solitaryman, I guess in your situation, its hard to tell, as you know there are many kinds of women. She could have really found you attractive and acted in the moment, or perhaps she enjoyed the attention, maybe she was feeling neglected by her boyfriend, or maybe she's not in a happy relationship with her boyfriend at all contrary to what others think.

I suppose the decision is in your hands as to whether you would like to pursue or not

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Mistake #1: Trying to understand women.

Mistake #2: Trying to understand women.

Mistake #3: Trying to understand women.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think flirting depends on context. If its purely verbal and done in a joking way, then to me, it wouldn't matter if it was happening between people in relationships because its not something to be taken too seriously. If its verbal with lots of eye contact, lip biting etc or includes physical contact, then I would think that as a serious flirt. That could either mean an invitation or just enjoying attention.

Solitaryman, I guess in your situation, its hard to tell, as you know there are many kinds of women. She could have really found you attractive and acted in the moment, or perhaps she enjoyed the attention, maybe she was feeling neglected by her boyfriend, or maybe she's not in a happy relationship with her boyfriend at all contrary to what others think.

I suppose the decision is in your hands as to whether you would like to pursue or not

Veruca and I tend to think alike lol she's said what I am thinking.

However though, whether she is happy with her boyfriend or not, she still is attached and I wouldn't want to mess with another relationship. I wouldn't want to be seen as a possible reason for why things ended between them or something along those lines. If she's unhappy, and finds you appealing to her, then she should at least have the courteousy to end things with her current partner before starting something else, for the sake of her boyfriend and you as well.

 

[9006]

It sounds like an act of desperation to me. It seems as though she attached herself to you and literally wanted you.

Everyone knows that people are different and I think some women are just so forward, I think she was just trying to make it obvious what her intentions and/or goals where. Nobody really knows what the relationship is like with her current boyfriend, it may have been something she doesn't want anymore and want's to meet someone new, or she could be just out for some fun.

...or some women are just crazy and like attention from every angle

 

[ajdass1]

Well some people just like to cuddle and hug, especially with people they consider friends. It could just be that she has different standards than you when it comes to body contact; maybe she's a person who likes physical contact and touching and doesn't view it as a flirtatious or romantic thing, just something she does with people whose company she enjoys.

Of course I have no idea, to get an answer you'd have to talk to her about it - and even then people often don't know why they do things or just haven't thought about what they do.

Sometimes I look at strangers and think, "Wow, you know, that person looks like they'd give AMAZING hugs" and that will suddenly make me really want a cuddle XD

 

[aspalas]

I think Fox is right. I also know girls who are really into physical contact but aren't actually interested (as far as I know). It's easy to think they like you tho.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think she is just a really flirty person in general, and doesn't want to end it with her boyfriend. And since you don't want to be "the other man", the way is clear.

Sorry man, I don't think you should try anything with her.

 

[perfanoff]

I think flirting depends on context. If its purely verbal and done in a joking way, then to me, it wouldn't matter if it was happening between people in relationships because its not something to be taken too seriously. If its verbal with lots of eye contact, lip biting etc or includes physical contact, then I would think that as a serious flirt. That could either mean an invitation or just enjoying attention.

Solitaryman, I guess in your situation, its hard to tell, as you know there are many kinds of women. She could have really found you attractive and acted in the moment, or perhaps she enjoyed the attention, maybe she was feeling neglected by her boyfriend, or maybe she's not in a happy relationship with her boyfriend at all contrary to what others think.

I suppose the decision is in your hands as to whether you would like to pursue or not

Veruca and I tend to think alike lol she's said what I am thinking.

However though, whether she is happy with her boyfriend or not, she still is attached and I wouldn't want to mess with another relationship. I wouldn't want to be seen as a possible reason for why things ended between them or something along those lines. If she's unhappy, and finds you appealing to her, then she should at least have the courteousy to end things with her current partner before starting something else, for the sake of her boyfriend and you as well.

I feel like ladyforsaken in that. I don't think it's proper to court somebody else while you have ties with your partner, for any reason.

---

I think she is just a really flirty person in general, and doesn't want to end it with her boyfriend. And since you don't want to be "the other man", the way is clear.

Sorry man, I don't think you should try anything with her.

Where did he say he doesn't want to be "the other man"?

 

[Misanthrope23]

she might have said that her relationship with her boyfriend is good, and they're a happy couple, but i don't think that's the case judging by how she interacted with you. it's quite possible that she's thinking of breaking up with him, and was thinking of hooking up with you. you should have asked more about her boyfriend, like if everything really is, in fact, going well with them.

 

[ucxb]

Is it normal for girls to flirt with guys like that when they've already got a dude in their life? Because personally, I wouldn't be happy with a GF of mine encouraging guys to cuddle them and stuff. Not that I'm offended or anything, I just thought it was rather strange.

Flirting is something I have forgot how to do and from what I see in my limited experience there is a lot of promiscuity in the society I live in. And since I have not taken dance lessons I imagine it could provide a passionate feeling. She may have got caught up in the moment with you and comfortable to say the least

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Where did he say he doesn't want to be "the other man"?

While I didn't state it, I'd rather not play that sort of role. I wouldn't want guys sneakily flirting with a GF of mine. While she's in a relationship I don't think I have any right to take the initiative flirting with her.

she might have said that her relationship with her boyfriend is good, and they're a happy couple, but i don't think that's the case judging by how she interacted with you. it's quite possible that she's thinking of breaking up with him, and was thinking of hooking up with you. you should have asked more about her boyfriend, like if everything really is, in fact, going well with them.

Yeah, I was kind of wondering this myself. I was just surprised at how open she'd been with me when I heard about the BF.

Ah well, I'm in no rush to have a girl in my life I guess. I actually really enjoyed flirting a little, I think it was because I was comfortable talking more than anything. I'll just see how things go.

-

Er, the other story...I met another girl who was pretty sweet, we could talk really easily. We sort of went on a date recently. Big sort of! I invited her to a general meeting in our free time, she came along, we had fun. We're only friends at present.

Anyway, the weird thing is that while she seemed to enjoy it (she hinted at something else she'd like to do in future actually), now it's like it's become significantly harder to talk with her, and I have no idea why!

Oddly enough, her friends seemed to encourage me to be around her last time I saw them all together. At one point they were talking and looking over at me quite noticably like they were speaking about me. But at the same time when I do spend time with her she's less talkative and seems noticably more "tense", before she was quite relaxed and easy to talk with...

So yeah, again, puzzling!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Her friends seemed to encourage me to be around her last time I saw them all together (and at one point they seemed to be talking and were looking over at me quite noticably), but at the same time when I do spend time with her she's less talkative and seems more "tense", before she was quite relaxed and easy to talk with...

So yeah, again, puzzling!

Maybe now that you are getting closer with each other, she's more self-conscious which makes her feel anxious or tense up around you. Maybe try to get her to relax? I used to get really quiet and really tense when a crush of mine spoke to me.. it's like my tongue went in knots and I couldn't speak lol.

 

[perfanoff]

Where did he say he doesn't want to be "the other man"?

While I didn't state it, I'd rather not play that sort of role. I wouldn't want guys sneakily flirting with a GF of mine. While she's in a relationship I don't think I have any right to take the initiative flirting with her.

she might have said that her relationship with her boyfriend is good, and they're a happy couple, but i don't think that's the case judging by how she interacted with you. it's quite possible that she's thinking of breaking up with him, and was thinking of hooking up with you. you should have asked more about her boyfriend, like if everything really is, in fact, going well with them.

Yeah, I was kind of wondering this myself. I was just surprised at how open she'd been with me when I heard about the BF.

Ah well, I'm in no rush to have a girl in my life I guess. I actually really enjoyed flirting a little, I think it was because I was comfortable talking more than anything. I'll just see how things go.

-

Er, the other story...I met another girl who was pretty sweet, we could talk really easily. We sort of went on a date recently. Big sort of! I invited her to a general meeting in our free time, she came along, we had fun. We're only friends at present.

Anyway, the weird thing is that while she seemed to enjoy it (she hinted at something else she'd like to do in future actually), now it's like it's become significantly harder to talk with her, and I have no idea why!

Oddly enough, her friends seemed to encourage me to be around her last time I saw them all together. At one point they were talking and looking over at me quite noticably like they were speaking about me. But at the same time when I do spend time with her she's less talkative and seems noticably more "tense", before she was quite relaxed and easy to talk with...

So yeah, again, puzzling!

There is alsi the possibility that she will take the initiative. Suppose she does - would it affect your conscience ?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

There is alsi the possibility that she will take the initiative. Suppose she does - would it affect your conscience ?

Nah, not really. I'll just be friendly with her if she gets flirtier.

It's not like I'm going to go any further than being friends with her when I know she has a guy in her life already, so...

Maybe now that you are getting closer with each other, she's more self-conscious which makes her feel anxious or tense up around you. Maybe try to get her to relax? I used to get really quiet and really tense when a crush of mine spoke to me.. it's like my tongue went in knots and I couldn't speak lol.

Well, the funny thing is, she told me she's quite shy and everything...but she really doesn't seem shy! Until recently anyway, where she's quiet just with me. Kinda feel like I've done something "wrong"

But thank you for the opinion, I hope it's just nerves or something!

 

[duff]

women love attention, it's as simple as that !

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, the funny thing is, she told me she's quite shy and everything...but she really doesn't seem shy! Until recently anyway, where she's quiet just with me. Kinda feel like I've done something "wrong"

But thank you for the opinion, I hope it's just nerves or something!

My experience of being shy is that there are two extremes of behaviour at any point of time.

Shy extreme 1: Real talkative to distract myself from thinking and feeling shy.
Shy extreme 2: The shy thoughts get the best of me and I can't help it so I'm thinking too much and get really quiet, tense and self-conscious.

But you know, it could just be that those times she was really friendly and outgoing, were when she felt more confident of herself and not so shy. I say this because I know that even though I'm a shy person - I'm not always shy. It's not about the person I'm talking to, more of the situation or when the shyness feels like coming out lol.

I think you could find out by talking to her about it.... asking her if there's anything bothering her.. or do things that you know could relax her or relax the situation.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Shy extreme 1: Real talkative to distract myself from thinking and feeling shy.
Shy extreme 2: The shy thoughts get the best of me and I can't help it so I'm thinking too much and get really quiet, tense and self-conscious.

But you know, it could just be that those times she was really friendly and outgoing, were when she felt more confident of herself and not so shy. I say this because I know that even though I'm a shy person - I'm not always shy. It's not about the person I'm talking to, more of the situation or when the shyness feels like coming out lol.

I think you could find out by talking to her about it.... asking her if there's anything bothering her.. or do things that you know could relax her or relax the situation.

Haha, I'm actually the same myself. I either sort of force myself to talk and so talk lots, or I don't talk at all and go really shy

I sort of wonder if she's kind of miffed that I've been chatting with other girls or something, because she seems to purposely ignore me a little (talking to other guys more) when other girls are being friendly with me.

I feel kind of awkward too, because back when she was more jokey we could talk about stuff so much more easily. Now I'm reduced to the awkward "generic topics of discussion" whenever I see her. As a result asking her to meet up again or even just being friendly is so much more difficult