Dating a man who slep with 100 women?

[roguewave]

How long does it take for a relationship to reveal reality? Weeks? A few months, at most? It's easy to pile up the exes in these conditions. 100? It's probably possible.

But why would a person sleep with a new bf/gf after only a few weeks or a few months? That's what I'm not getting here.

 

[Lost Drifter]

How long does it take for a relationship to reveal reality? Weeks? A few months, at most? It's easy to pile up the exes in these conditions. 100? It's probably possible.

Its certainly possible, anything is, but after 100 partners I’d seriously question if that person has a grasp of reality or not. By all means make a mistake once, twice or even ten times but if you’re still making the same mistake after a hundred then you need to sit back and take a long hard think about things.

 

[Bones]

As mentioned, I would not knowingly date someone who has had 100 partners unless it was under an usual circumstance, but part of this question / debate on this should look at the age factor of the posters - the older you are, the more the number increases.

If you are 20 per say and someone has been with 20 people, it looks really bad; but by the same token if you are 43 like myself, 20 would be a realistic number even for people who are more prudish.

Also, a lot of people make mistakes when they are young; and if a person has changed and regretted their choices, should they not be forgiven?

As much as I am a black and white person on issues due to being an INTJ, I realize this area can be more gray and depends on a lot of factors.

(Some people might have been kicked out of their house at age 14 and the only way to survive was on the streets. Do you punish a person for this or anyone for that matter if they turned their life around? It all depends on the circumstances. I have known people who have been only with one person who they married; and after the divorce in their 40s, went nuts to make up for lost time. There is really no simple answer to this without evaluating all of the facts.)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You make a good point, Bones.

Also, some people make poor choices when they're younger, and then end up making better choices. Like my sis. It's not necessarily a reflection of the person by the number of people they have slept with!

 

[cassia]

I'm not sure if this question is really about actually having had "100 partners" or just about having had disproportionately more partners than you yourself has had.

To answer both:

100 partners: Probably not. As Lost Drifter wrote, it would certainly raise some questions which would require good answers, because 100 is heading pretty far down the curve.

More partners than me: Personally, this is a more interesting question. I have emotional difficulties dating people who have had different life experiences from myself, such as in this case, not being a virgin. My first real sexual relationship was with my current partner, but at the time I met him (college) he had already slept with at least five girls. Now that is by no means an unusual number for his age, but I had a lot of trouble dealing with it. Outwardly they manifested as "jealousy" issues but I don't think that's accurate. It's really about the fact that when I am intimate with him, I have a nagging feeling that what he experiences cannot be all that similar to what I experience. For comparison, my first "love" (but which did not result in any sexual activities) was at the age of fourteen, with someone for whom I was also the first love. Since then I've never really been able to reproduce the totality of that emotional and spiritual "oneness" I felt. However, not being a fan of hard and fast notions of human nature, I'm working on it!

 

[Arsenic Queen]

How long does it take for a relationship to reveal reality? Weeks? A few months, at most? It's easy to pile up the exes in these conditions. 100? It's probably possible.

Its certainly possible, anything is, but after 100 partners I’d seriously question if that person has a grasp of reality or not. By all means make a mistake once, twice or even ten times but if you’re still making the same mistake after a hundred then you need to sit back and take a long hard think about things.

If we talk about casual sex, 100 can pile up quickly. For relationships, of course it's different, but still very possible indeed!

I never said that person or behaviour was normal. At 100 it's certainly pathological. But if your guy comes from a dysfunctional family where the dad is 99% absent except on huge "magic" events like Christmas and the likes.

And he still tries to recreate the same situation in his love life - his illusion being to create one that works and where everyone is happy - unlike him when he was young. So he keeps going for "love relationships" where he, or his partner, is absent most of the time and where the occasional, isolated moments spent together are treated like huge celebrations. For most people, love cannot sustain on that! Celebrations are great, but if there's empty forevers between each of them, they can't make up.

But as the mom did it, in his mind it means it exists and should be possible to create. In the case of my friend it is like that, and it can't be a conscious desire to get the maximum number, when things fall down he's a total wreck and cries like a little girl for days! He really can't realize his big dream of this ideal, part-time, ALWAYS magic relationship can't work.

Being rather absent in relationships and expecting them to be 100% happy and perfect is Disney-thinking brought to the next level, lol.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

At least "D" has been sincerely mine and proud to be, for a time. There might have been 100 before me, there might be 200 after me. And some of the magic might have been lost in the process. It doesn't matter. Somehow I know he tried for real. And if our friendship isn't the same now, I know it's not deliberate. It's just how it is.