Dating websites

[EveWasFramed]

*shrugs* Maybe that's a small part of the reason WHY they don't go past the first face to face meeting?
I just think it's fine to get to know someone a little on line and then move to phone calls, etc. before meeting IRL.
However, nothing can replace "in person" contact, where you can see a person's body language, facial expressions, etc.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't think it's necessarily that. But I do think that a lot of dating sites are treated as if it's a game...nothing serious. Love just a click away...or not.

It's easy to get your feelings hurt on these sites.

 

[AllAlone1]

I once had an OKC account, but I suspended it because I became tired of the "dance."

Here's the "dance" that I have performed all too many times, and that some of you may have performed yourself:

Send email to promising profile.
Hope for reply.
Get reply. (Wee!)
Respond to reply email.
Get second reply. (Double Wee!) Things must be going well so far.
Reply enough times to build a nice rapport.
Things are going well, so we take it off the site.
We talk on the phone one or twice to arrange a F2F meeting.
Anticipate meeting.
Finally meet.
It goes well, but no sparks. Maybe they will spark next time.
Arrange a second meeting.
Second meeting also goes well, but still no sparks.
Send (or receive) the "not feeling it" text, VM, or email.
Start all over again.

I'm at a point where I don't want to guess anymore. I wish I could walk up to a woman, say "I like you more than words can say. Let's go out." And she'd say, "I like you, too. Let's do it!" No BS. No wondering. No hidden agendas.

Anyway, I have given up for now. I've also given up on all dating. I'm just not interested in playing the guessing game anymore. (Does she like me? Will she go out with me? What if she finds out about that thing I like? Will she dump me? What if I don't like that thing she likes? Will I dump her? ARRGGHH!!)

It's all nonsense to me now. I still long for a relationship, but I'm more focused on my normal social life than my love life, if that makes any sense.

~Case

**** that sounds so depressingly familiar to me. I hate that dance or game or whatever you want to call it. I'm with you man I want to be able to walk up to a woman that I truly feel I could be with for atleast a good long while, say the same thing, hope she agrees and get on with our lives.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

**** that sounds so depressingly familiar to me. I hate that dance or game or whatever you want to call it. I'm with you man I want to be able to walk up to a woman that I truly feel I could be with for atleast a good long while, say the same thing, hope she agrees and get on with our lives.

If only it was that easy.

 

[blackdot]

I've heard a lot of women complain that men never read their profile. They just send out mass e-mails to women in hopes one will take the bait. The autistic guy at work said that's how he used to get dates.

I'm realizing women do the same thing. On the extremely rare case that a woman e-mails me first, I know there is something odd. I'll look and sure enough it's someone that has nothing in common and in a lot of cases I can tell they didn't read the list of things that I don't want in someone.

ugh...

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Actually, that's funny, because the few times I've actually managed to get anywhere, it'd after commenting on things in their profile.

However, it's not enough, because usually the conversation fizzles out. Maybe they want to exchange phone numbers, I dunno? The whole idea of online dating eludes me.

 

[Case]

I've heard a lot of women complain that men never read their profile. They just send out mass e-mails to women in hopes one will take the bait. The autistic guy at work said that's how he used to get dates.

I'm realizing women do the same thing. On the extremely rare case that a woman e-mails me first, I know there is something odd. I'll look and sure enough it's someone that has nothing in common and in a lot of cases I can tell they didn't read the list of things that I don't want in someone.

ugh...

Based on the woman I've talked to, most men don't read profiles. They carpet bomb women with a form letter and then when they get a response, the first thing they do is send a penis pic. <facepalm> You'd think a guy like me would be more successful with a well-written, well thought out email, but not as much.

Also, I have had some good experiences with women who email me first. But I have to say, most of them are Russian or Croatian women desperate for a green card husband.

 

[blackdot]

Maybe my problem is I don't send pictures of myself nude. That must be the secret process that I have been forgetting to do.

Sometimes women get angry with me because I do read their profile. I'll try to bring up stuff that they have in their profile as a way to get a conversation going and they freak out that I would know these things and that I'm a freak.
I always forget that women expect their men to not listen to them.

 

[EveWasFramed]

..... most of them are Russian or Croatian women desperate for a green card husband.

I don't need any of the above - what else do you have to offer? lol

---

Maybe my problem is I don't send pictures of myself nude.

Nope. I don't think that's a problem for most women. I know I can't speak for ALL women, but I'd much rather NOT have someone sending me nudes (Id ignore/delete the person and I'd rather have someone (like in Case's example) send me a REAL reply/message if I was on a site like that.

 

[smarty24]

good way (I am using it) to say something 'hi cutie, what's up? I was looking thousands of profiles, but your looks a bit different then others'
I don't know, probably everybody like to be different or something, but this works very very nice

 

[blackdot]

yah!!!! I went out with someone last night that I met on a dating website. Took a couple of months to get her to find time to go out but she finally did.

and the result...
drum roll please...
That's right! It's back to the drawing board. weeeee.......

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What in the hell are you doing, blackdot? Surely it's you or something you are doing that is causing this reaction.

If I managed to get a first date, I think I could manage to get a second date, at least out of the girl's curiosity. The issue is getting that first date.

 

[blackdot]

Getting the 1st date seems to be easy for me.

I don't know what is wrong since I don't exactly know what I am doing.

A summation of what the women seem to say are: I am not "the one", I'm "nice" and they don't date guys that are nice, there was no "instant connection" (whatever that is), or they just don't date.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's garbage. Women don't want to date someone who isn't nice to them.

 

[painter's radio]

If you could secretly record the date somehow, maybe a hidden date-cam or dictaphone, then post it up here afterwards, we could give you some pointers and find out where you're going wrong. Maybe we could get some kind of live feed set up, with an earphone in your ear, Muse can guide you through the date ensuring a second meeting, and I can help you find the balance of mean/nice. We could have a whole team stearing you in the conversation. With our powers combined, I'm sure we could stretch out a whole month of dinners, dates and conversation pieces, perhaps even an "it's complicated with" status on facebook.

 

[blackdot]

eeewww... I would hate to have myself video'd for that purpose. Might as well just make it a tv show.
oh wait, they already that that. I think it's called The Bachelor.

 

[EveWasFramed]

What in the hell are you doing, blackdot? Surely it's you or something you are doing that is causing this reaction.

If I managed to get a first date, I think I could manage to get a second date, at least out of the girl's curiosity. The issue is getting that first date.

I have to disagree. Curiosity isn't something that's really used by women as a qualification for a second date (in my experience).
I think that a lot of people feel like either it's there, or it isn't, as far as a first date goes. A few will be up for a second date, even if the first wasn't a total hit, just to make sure their first impression was an accurate one (I've done this myself).
I recall once, going on a date with a guy. The first date was just AWFUL. However, I was willing to go on a second date, just to be sure that one of us wasn't just having an off night or something.
Second date was just as bad. Half way through the second date, I knew I could never go out with him again. Either he disliked me as well, or he picked up on the fact that I wasn't into him AT ALL because he didn't ask me out again.
My point is, it wasn't curiosity that brought about a second date - it was me being willing to give someone a fair chance I suppose.

Blackdot... I can't say why the lady wasn't up for a second date, but I've heard that for every second date you get, you likely went through about 30 or 40 "first" dates. Hopefully it's just statistics and you will get that second date sometime soon.

 

[ladyforsaken]

If you could secretly record the date somehow, maybe a hidden date-cam or dictaphone, then post it up here afterwards, we could give you some pointers and find out where you're going wrong. Maybe we could get some kind of live feed set up, with an earphone in your ear, Muse can guide you through the date ensuring a second meeting, and I can help you find the balance of mean/nice. We could have a whole team stearing you in the conversation. With our powers combined, I'm sure we could stretch out a whole month of dinners, dates and conversation pieces, perhaps even an "it's complicated with" status on facebook.

I wanted to laugh thinking this was a joke cos it's funny the way painter put it. Then again, maybe it wasn't a joke - sometimes I can never tell if someone's being serious or just joking. :\

Either way, I hope you keep trying, blackdot.. and I will continue to wish you good luck on your dates.

 

[duff]

yah!!!! I went out with someone last night that I met on a dating website. Took a couple of months to get her to find time to go out but she finally did.

and the result...
drum roll please...
That's right! It's back to the drawing board. weeeee.......

it's obviously how you come across and the woman is scared off. At least you are getting first dates which some people don't.

I would take a guess and say you act too desperate. but that's only a guess based on your posts on here. Your doing something wrong and it's definitely not acting too nice.

 

[blackdot]

Blackdot... I can't say why the lady wasn't up for a second date, but I've heard that for every second date you get, you likely went through about 30 or 40 "first" dates. Hopefully it's just statistics and you will get that second date sometime soon.

Well, since most of my 1st dates last about 3 hours, I guess I date each woman an entire lifetime in one night. ha ha ha!

I would take a guess and say you act too desperate. but that's only a guess based on your posts on here. Your doing something wrong and it's definitely not acting too nice.

no, desperate is not how I would come off on a first date. We normally end up talking about funny things in life or about events. Just spend the time laughing about things.
maybe women hate laughing... hmmm....