death

[LoneKiller]

It's okay. I should have made it clear that I was only talking about my life. It's a difficult subject, and I didn't write as much as I should have. Suicide was a cowardly choice for me because I could have improved my life, but I was too afraid to try.

Well thank you. But it's not ok. I can't believe I lost my cool in the Issues section. Something I swore I'd never do. Me and my big ******* mouth!

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^ I don't know if that was directed at me or not LK, but since I am the only one who said the word 'coward' I have to assume that it was.

I think it was directed at me, since i tried to raise the importance of learning from rough times. I also did not in any way mean that people who attempt suicide are cowards, though.

Not directed at you Sai. Just in general. I'm so embarrassed right now I barely have the guts to even post this after that little tirade.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I try to live in this time and if something will happen, I will accept it.

 

[Locke]

Well thank you. But it's not ok. I can't believe I lost my cool in the Issues section. Something I swore I'd never do. Me and my big ******* mouth!

I do it all the time, I always manage to piss someone off. I'm not very good at communicating with people - even online - and I'm sure I sounded like an ass in my earlier post.

I hope no one minds if I explain a little better:

My first suicide attempt was a few hours after my wife died. As I said earlier, I was half crazy from pain and grief. The second attempt was a few years later. I was still in a lot of pain over my wife's death. I barely left my house because I was so afraid of people, and I still didn't have any friends or family who would mourn my death. I didn't have any reason to live really.

I could have tried to improve my life, but the depression and loneliness was just too much. I didn't want to fight it anymore, I just wanted it to end. I guess that's why it was a cowardly decision on my part: I knew that I could makes things better for myself, but I was afraid of trying. Afraid that even if I did rebuild my life and found reasons to live, I would just lose it all over again. Death was less frightening.

I am still less afraid of death than I am of losing the people I care about, but I'll never attempt suicide again. As for other people, I can't judge. I can't know what pain anyone else goes through, so I won't say that suicide is cowardly for everyone. I agree with Sai, it's important to learn from the rough times. I don't think people should consider suicide if there's a chance their life can get better, but I will refrain from using the words 'suicide' and 'cowardly' together so carelessly from now on.

 

[Garbageman]

Every day at some point or another I wish I could die, and I ask God to take me. If I had loved ones, I wouldn't be feeling this way, but as I have no family my death would not have an impact on anyone else, so it isn't selfish for me to wish to go. When I say that my death would have no impact on anyone else, this is the truth and is not depression talking.

I really want to say this not just in response to this post but to anyone who says that their death would not have an impact on someone. This really bothers me because at the very least, no matter who you are, your death would affect, who ever discovers your body, finding someones dead body even a strangers body can be very traumatic to a person, especially in cases of suicide, the police that have to come out and investigate your body, I know officers who have had to do this and it really affected them.

You have the coroner, and the staff at the funeral home, it affects them, even though it is their job, when they know the person they are working with was desperate enough to take their own life. A friend of mines brother worked at a funeral home, he could handle accident victims and old age, and sickness, but he couldn't handle suicides, he would get too emotional to do his job.

If there is a funeral there is the church if one is involved.

If you have neighbors, even if you don't know them, your death will affect them, some of them may feel deep guilt for not checking or noticing if you were ok. Often in cases of suicide people end up blaming themselves.

If you work, your coworkers may wonder if there was anything they could have or should have done.

There are people like me who when they hear the story on the news of a complete stranger that has killed themselves, causes them pain. And I feel bad, not because I could have done something, but because maybe someone else could have.

So even if you do not have any family, or friends, or coworkers, or anyone at all, I guarantee you your death will affect others.

I don't have any anger towards people who have tried or plan on taking their own life, I have nothing but compassion for you. But it is simply not true that your death will not negatively affect other people and cause grief.

I am not saying that it is selfish to want to take your own life, but it is selfish to think that doing so would have no negative effect on others.

I sincerely hope that this does not come across as mean, I apologize if it does, I just want people to know that there is always someone who cares, there is always someone who will be affected when someone dies.
And even if no one else in this world cares at least know that some stranger on the internet from Ohio, who you will likely never meet cares. I care.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think suicide is a terrible thing, because you never know what might change about your life...and you shouldn't jump to conclusions about things like that.

I've been through hell, and am starting to see sunshine again. A couple years ago, I was in a terrible place. I'm in a better place now, but still struggling. I'm hoping that I come out on top, but I know I'm going to keep on fighting.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Garbageman, when I was writing about wanting to die, I didn't mean dying by suicide. I meant that I pray every day to God to let me die of natural causes, either illness or in an accident (and not one I would cause). (I am too afraid of possibly going to hell to kill myself). I don't think it is selfish of me to ask God for this.
Thank you for telling me that you care. I cried when I read that as my loneliness is so deep.

 

[Garbageman]

Rereading your post I can see that now. And I don't feel like it is selfish of you to ask/pray for death, I think it is a somewhat natural response to suffering. I would however like to encourage you and anyone else who finds themselves asking to die, to instead of asking for death, ask for a better quality of life, ask for solutions, ask for help.

You have probably already done this and because things didn't get better and you didn't receive help and your requests were going unanswered is probably what led you to begin asking for death because you lost what hope you once had. But if you are willing to keep asking for death even though your request goes unanswered, why not keep asking for life? Then if the day comes that your requests are granted, you can be around to enjoy it.

I don't know if this will help anyone at all but I though it was worth throwing it out as a possible alternative.

Someone once said to me, "If only I could get you to value your life as much as I value your life?"

I do hope your quality of life improves and that you can somehow find peace in living. Take care.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

It's sad to mention it again but I suffer from suicide thoughts a lot. Once I actually wished that I would just die cause I felt unworthy for living. Death to me is scary and even though I suffer from being bi polar I try to do good things for myself.

 

[Smokey]

Ahhhh Death, the great equalizer and the final frontier.

Can't say I'm too fussed about the whole thing.

I'm a tad Nihilist in that sense.

 

[ahsatan]

Everyday but I don't ask god since i'm an atheist so I guess I talk to thin air. More like begging.

 

[IncolaVacui]

Anyone ever think about death?

It was all I thought about, every day, from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning before I got out of bed, to the moment I closed my eyes and fell asleep, for at least 5 straight years when I was in my 20's, without missing a single day...and I know, because after a long enough time it became like the fly on the wall...the thing that I noticed but once I noticed I couldn't make it go away. During that time period, I studied everything I could about death. The more I thought about it, the more interesting it became, and the more interesting it became the more I thought about it.

When I was 26, I moved away from that town and most of the abusive negativity that I was suffering there. I moved back to my hometown because it was more familiar, and it felt like I could at least have the room to breathe if I need to. I discovered then and realized that because I'm a poor man from a countryside small town, I don't too much care for the city life, unless I actually have the money to go into the city to party, and I certainly had no interest in living around all of that nonsense again.

So, I began the very long process of using my intellectual interests and hobbies as positive outlets to help heal myself from the abuse I'd been through and to help combat my clinical depression (which had finally reached a point to where I was suffering long, two month periods of eliciting no emotional reaction to my surrounding world whatsoever, putting me in risk and through some experiences of catatonia).

I'm...better now, than I was then, that's for sure...but still not actually better. These days I'm more or less trying to cope with the combination of shattered dreams, crushing memories, and trying to sort out if my friends are just using me, or if they're actually my friends and are just too ignorant and inexperienced in life to know what it is they're doing to...themselves, mainly.

 

[Zorananda]

I am a hopeful agnostic, depending on the day, but I think life might be overvalued. If someone feels bad all the time for whatever reason and other people can't or won't help them such as to remedy the situation I think maybe being allowed to die might be for the best. Not that I necessarily think the world is 'progressing' in a good direction but I predict that in the future people will be allowed medically assisted suicide with minimal restrictions. Because really...if you're not happy why do you owe someone else staying alive? Maybe you think they need you so you do but if you don't want to why should you be prevented from an early exit? We don't know why we're even conscious so if it isn't going well we should be turned off and put to rest. For all the happy successful people out there they can hang on to life and the value it has for them...but does it have any intrinsic value? I am really having a hard time believing it does. I think there's a shady agenda sometimes with anti-religious trends but in this case I support the devaluation of life. What is it? Why do we care? We live in a world in which no one believes in anything and it got that way really easily...because maybe there's nothing to believe in. So while I would prevent suffering I wouldn't necessarily care about preventing life being snuffed out painlessly. It's just life...look how 'awesome' it is...I mean just the fact that this forum exists says something in itself.

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There's a group called Dignitas in Switzerland who - I might be wrong - will do assisted suicide no questions asked as long as you're on Swiss territory. If I'm wrong please correct me. I've considered going there at times. Once we exist in a more death positive culture I think people will be offing themselves a lot more.

 

[Joturbo]

I thought about it a couple of times in my teens when my life felt pretty crap and after the girlfriend before my wife left me.But what a ******* big mistake it would have been knowing what I know now.Apart from the fact that I get really lonely sometimes to me I cherish the years I've got left.I actually sometimes count in my head the likely amount of years I have left to try and sort myself out and enjoy life to the fullest if I'm luckily enough to live a ripe old age.I work out realistically how many years I've got left to do the stuff I love like motorbiking ,sport, and just the simple things like going on holiday and looking after the kids.I regularly get what I think is the early signs of rheumatism or arthritis something that is prevalent in my family right from a middle age.I think honeysuckle I might not be able to run anymore , ride my motorbike or just walk long distances ,go the gym bodyboard in the sea all stuff I love doing how bad that would be.I saw a chappie in his mid eighties running up along hill in the sun and I thought wow I'd love to be him

My family going back a long time all have died early compared to my wife's family , the grand old age of 76 being the oldest both male and female.Yet my wife's family as a rule have an extra 20 years on top of that , something I worry about because I desperately want to be there for my wife in our later years I don't want her to rely on my kids.I've worked for three ladies who lived to a 100 and one beyond that all of whom you could see the excitement even when they were doing the simple things in life obviously because they know they haven't got much time left.

So yea I've thought about it at my lowest but I worry if it's made easier for people like me what a big mistake that would be.

 

[Germund]

I think about illness and death every day - my pain, my possible illnesses, and my upcoming death especially.