cancerparty85
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- Jan 5, 2015
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I come from a large close knit family. I'm very close with my parents and my brother and my extended family as well. I have a 7 year old son who I love so much--he is my only source of purpose in my life. But I still feel incredibly lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by people I feel alone and I don't know what's wrong with me. This feeling of loneliness leads to depression and on top of that I'm already miserable having spent the past year in cancer treatment. I only have 2 friends--I care about them a lot but my social anxiety (on top of not feeling well) has led me to avoid making plans with them. I have no social life. Before I became sick, I would only leave the house to go to work or to take my son to play. Now that I'm home recuperating, I don't really leave the house at all--only to take my son out to places he likes to go. I guess that is better than nothing though. I'm sorry--I'm rambling. I just feel a constant overwhelming sadness. Part of this sadness stems from feeling like I will never get married or find love. I haven't dated anyone in over 2 years. It makes me so sad. I don't know how to meet people and I don't know if I'll ever be in the condition to do so again. I don't know what to do--I feel hopeless and depressed. I tried committing suicide twice but I felt so guilty I stopped. I don't want to leave my son alone here, and I don't want the people who love me to have to grieve over my death. So I guess I live for them, not myself. But at least it's a reason to live.