Desire for revenge?

[Butterfly 2]

Yes, karma and fate. I'm somewhat psychic and felt that we have been together for several lifetimes which was verified by a well known professional psychic who told her that we've been together for many lifetimes! We seem to have an unbreakable bond and have an unbelievable love for each other at this point in our lives! I KNOW! It's a truly messed up situation!!! I'm probably in need of some serious head shrinkage which I'm going to find someone in the next couple of days to talk to.
It was the first few years of our relationship that has screwed us up for a long time and it needs to be dealt with asap!

I read part of your story a few weeks ago and it took me forever to find it again. I was going through a bad emotional state so replying would have just been a muddled up mess.

I'm glad to see that you have made the decision to seek other avenues and realize that cheating on your wife would not even things out. You'd probably actually feel worse and it could devastate her and your marriage if she ever found out. And there'd also be at least one other person involved in it. The person you would have revenge sex with and even more people hurt if she was married or in a relationship. Your thoughts were probably very common, but would probably make things in life even worse. And your lives seem very intermingled since you have common family members.

This seems to have had a bad effect on way too many years of your life. I'm sure you were very hurt by the fact that she possibly cheated on you and the fact that she was flirting with others.

What bothers you the most with this? The fact that she may have cheated on you or the fact that she can't be honest with you if she indeed did cheat?

I'm not sure I believe in psychics, but we had been invited to a friend's house and her guest was the psychic and several of us were there. After that experience, it made me believe there is a possibility there are some people who are gifted in that because that lady was unbelievable. She had also told us that we have had eight lives together, always in the same role, etc. She also knew many things that absolutely shocked us. There was no way she could have run any type of background checks and found some of this out and besides, we all paid in cash so she didn't even know our names since she was from a different area.

Anyway, that is my two cents worth and I wish you and your family well.

 

[The_Viking_King_56]

I read part of your story a few weeks ago and it took me forever to find it again. I was going through a bad emotional state so replying would have just been a muddled up mess.

I'm glad to see that you have made the decision to seek other avenues and realize that cheating on your wife would not even things out. You'd probably actually feel worse and it could devastate her and your marriage if she ever found out. And there'd also be at least one other person involved in it. The person you would have revenge sex with and even more people hurt if she was married or in a relationship. Your thoughts were probably very common, but would probably make things in life even worse. And your lives seem very intermingled since you have common family members.

This seems to have had a bad effect on way too many years of your life. I'm sure you were very hurt by the fact that she possibly cheated on you and the fact that she was flirting with others.

What bothers you the most with this? The fact that she may have cheated on you or the fact that she can't be honest with you if she indeed did cheat?

I'm not sure I believe in psychics, but we had been invited to a friend's house and her guest was the psychic and several of us were there. After that experience, it made me believe there is a possibility there are some people who are gifted in that because that lady was unbelievable. She had also told us that we have had eight lives together, always in the same role, etc. She also knew many things that absolutely shocked us. There was no way she could have run any type of background checks and found some of this out and besides, we all paid in cash so she didn't even know our names since she was from a different area.

Anyway, that is my two cents worth and I wish you and your family well.

Hi Butterfly!
Thank you very much for your very intuitive reply!
Yes, the whole thing devastated me. I had come out of a marriage where I was without love or affection for 12 or 13 years because of my wifes psychiatric disorder, then after falling head over heels with a close friend (who knew what I'd been through) she turned her back on me emotionally only two months after we left our spouses for each other. Because she had already started seeing a much younger guy. I chose poorly, she was of low moral character I guess, she never showed those tendencies before we left together. I guess all the guys chasing her hot derriere turned on a woman that hadn't had a chance to blossom yet because of being married since she was 19. She wanted to experience more than I could offer her it seems!
I know that she cheated on me. It bothers me that she can't own it. Can't say she's sorry for what she did because that would be admitting guilt. We can't get past a certain point, we (I) can't heal if there's never a cause to heal from! It's like an open wound that can't heal. She's ashamed of what she did because she was 33 and he was 21. Just 6 years older than her own son. So I'm stuck in hell until death do us part....
Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it very much!

 

[okidoke]

Wonder what became of @I_still_believe ? Did he go out in a blaze of glory? History is replete with killers who have been afflicted this way.

Revenge crosses most people's minds I would guess. Yes, I've had it cross mine when my career and integrity were destroyed by unscrupulous individuals, but I let it go. I had to. It was destroying me within. As a poster pointed out previously, who wins when the need for revenge festers? The best revenge is to move on and succeed in your endeavours. You win because they don't matter any more.

 

[user 139760]

"This is it. This is how men are turned into footstools & lapdogs for women & society"

Kind of okay, until it got to this part.
Basically a cry against Feminism.
If I had a nickle...

Anyway, the initial subject, revenge, kind of hits too close to home.
Let me just say his text largely oversimplifies an extremely complex problem.
It ain't that easy.

 

[user 190648]

Everything that I read today, hints me at telling my own story of hurt, the last one. So, why not, I guess.

To read this thread, was a very saddening experience. Bc, my own desire for revenge is towards 2 persons only, and the physical health/life of the one of them I want preserved. As I said in another thread today, I had the moments when I was completely able to kill him and watch him dying; but actually, what I want for him, is not physical. Devastation and emotional/mental Hell is soooooo much worse.

I do believe that revenge is a bad/wrong thing, in principle. Mainly, when it is about punishing someone who wasn't really aware what he/she is doing. But, when it is a person who KNOWS, and nevertheless DOES, it is a different thing. If the doer has some kind of a brain damage which prevents him/her from the ability to be responsible for their deeds -- a brain damage, an extreme immaturity -- it is one thing. When the person simply DOESN'T CARE what he/she is causing, this is another thing. Which should be punished in some way.

Someone said something about fighting the wrong-doers by kindness. No, this doesn't work -- when you do it, they call you a fool. Literally.

People who think that they are above any justice, that they deserve some exceptions of the rule "don't hurt!", they are the people who have to be punished with no hesitation.

The world is a trashcan exactly bc the people of that kind.

---------
@The_Viking_King_56, I hope things have changed to better, for you and your wife. I would double the replies which have said cheating-back is not a good nor working option (and that if you want another relationship, you just have to go for it as a such, with all the due respect).

@Richard_39, agree -- the topic about revenge is never easy. Just, one of the saddest, yeah?

@okidoke, I've heard this, "Success is the best revenge". Personally, it has never been my way -- but, personally, I've never before felt a desire for revenge. I only experience it now, and one of the things that makes me eager for revenge, is exactly that I'm SO BROKEN, that I literally have no strength to do my daily stuff, what to speak about any other success. At the same time, the s*** who caused to me this, is all ok and strolls around, as if he has done nothing bad in his life. He hurt and even humiliated me in all the ways that HE KNEW MATTER to me, and he never did anything either to avoid it or to stop the pain. So, hmmm... do I want him punished? Oh, you may bet I do. Bc HE deserves it. Bc I MYSELF did zero bad to him, and he didn't hesitate to destroy me, for no other purpose but his image and career.

There has to be some far place where all the egoists are sent to heal and improve. Or to die there, if they don't want to improve -- it is up to their own choice.

I was healthy and up to stabilize my life, when I have entered my last harmful story. Now I am a ruin. And the s*** doesn't even feel any real sorry for it. He thinks "Oh, I'm so sorry that I had to do this!" -- except that, he didn't HAVE to. He choose to. That's the point, in what makes a s*** be a s***.

 

[user 190648]

I don't know if there's anything that I hate more than being told (or, read somewhere): "Yes, life is harsh, you simply have to learn to be stronger and to deal with it!"

The principle might sound beautiful, but it doesn't cover the concretics. To tell me that I have to be stronger, is nothing but arrogant, when I have been strong enough to try to recover after many and many crashes. After a certain number of crashes, tho, you simply lose the Light. It is not true that you are weak -- it is just that you are exhausted, finally. There is a big difference.

And also, that's why we have to always always always be careful in how we affect the others -- to some of them, our bad treatment could be that last straw that breaks their spine.

Some "Big Heads" in the field of psychology or any related field, the ones who have been mentioned in the thread earlier, maybe in the very OP. Nothing is more harmful to the persons and society than their fake truths.

It is a long topic, and I probably go off-topic already, so I'm stopping.

P.S. People who brag that they remain stronger than the circumstances, no matter what... they simply should be GRATEFUL that they aren't placed on the other side of the line.

 

[user 139760]

Everything that I read today, hints me at telling my own story of hurt, the last one. So, why not, I guess.

To read this thread, was a very saddening experience. Bc, my own desire for revenge is towards 2 persons only, and the physical health/life of the one of them I want preserved. As I said in another thread today, I had the moments when I was completely able to kill him and watch him dying; but actually, what I want for him, is not physical. Devastation and emotional/mental Hell is soooooo much worse.

I do believe that revenge is a bad/wrong thing, in principle. Mainly, when it is about punishing someone who wasn't really aware what he/she is doing. But, when it is a person who KNOWS, and nevertheless DOES, it is a different thing. If the doer has some kind of a brain damage which prevents him/her from the ability to be responsible for their deeds -- a brain damage, an extreme immaturity -- it is one thing. When the person simply DOESN'T CARE what he/she is causing, this is another thing. Which should be punished in some way.

Someone said something about fighting the wrong-doers by kindness. No, this doesn't work -- when you do it, they call you a fool. Literally.

People who think that they are above any justice, that they deserve some exceptions of the rule "don't hurt!", they are the people who have to be punished with no hesitation.

The world is a trashcan exactly bc the people of that kind.

---------
@The_Viking_King_56, I hope things have changed to better, for you and your wife. I would double the replies which have said cheating-back is not a good nor working option (and that if you want another relationship, you just have to go for it as a such, with all the due respect).

@Richard_39, agree -- the topic about revenge is never easy. Just, one of the saddest, yeah?

@okidoke, I've heard this, "Success is the best revenge". Personally, it has never been my way -- but, personally, I've never before felt a desire for revenge. I only experience it now, and one of the things that makes me eager for revenge, is exactly that I'm SO BROKEN, that I literally have no strength to do my daily stuff, what to speak about any other success. At the same time, the s*** who caused to me this, is all ok and strolls around, as if he has done nothing bad in his life. He hurt and even humiliated me in all the ways that HE KNEW MATTER to me, and he never did anything either to avoid it or to stop the pain. So, hmmm... do I want him punished? Oh, you may bet I do. Bc HE deserves it. Bc I MYSELF did zero bad to him, and he didn't hesitate to destroy me, for no other purpose but his image and career.

There has to be some far place where all the egoists are sent to heal and improve. Or to die there, if they don't want to improve -- it is up to their own choice.

I was healthy and up to stabilize my life, when I have entered my last harmful story. Now I am a ruin. And the s*** doesn't even feel any real sorry for it. He thinks "Oh, I'm so sorry that I had to do this!" -- except that, he didn't HAVE to. He choose to. That's the point, in what makes a s*** be a s***.

Yes, it is the saddest. But also...not.
Like I said I have very deep feelings about the subject. Conflicted ones, too. By nature, I'm not an angry or violent person. Yet, through happenstance, it's kind of permeated my life.
I admired my grandfather and my father a great deal. Both have often proudly said they've never fought a fight in their lives. I wish I could say the same. I'm not exactly sure some days if I'm the good guy, or the bad guy. But, in my case at least, revenge is... somewhat of a subject I fear threading. It brings back stuff I'm trying to keep down. Some days, it goes further than just revenge. I'm someone that deeply hates injustice, or "wrong". It's lead me to some conflicts I probably should have avoided. But it also gave me a measure of who I am. Enough to want to change what used to be the bad guy, more into one of the good guys. The kids helped with that. They turned my life completely around.
But after other events, the bad guy showed up again, only this time, for the right reasons. That was a bit harder to quell down. Suffice it to say, I know all too well the type of person you speak of. Hell, if there is one, is still too good a place for them. But...it's a bad line of thinking. I just want my peace now. I think me and my family earned it.
If I can give you some advice, try to not hold on to that kind of hate. Not any more than you have to to get you through. Because it can change you into something worse. I have zero problem with anger as a motivator, it kept me warm at night. But it can also warp you. Twist you into something you don't really want to be. Ultimately, as someone once told me, it gives THEM power over you. They don't deserve that kind of pull on you.

 

[user 190648]

Yes, it is the saddest. But also...not.
Like I said I have very deep feelings about the subject. Conflicted ones, too. By nature, I'm not an angry or violent person. Yet, through happenstance, it's kind of permeated my life.
I admired my grandfather and my father a great deal. Both have often proudly said they've never fought a fight in their lives. I wish I could say the same. I'm not exactly sure some days if I'm the good guy, or the bad guy. But, in my case at least, revenge is... somewhat of a subject I fear threading. It brings back stuff I'm trying to keep down. Some days, it goes further than just revenge. I'm someone that deeply hates injustice, or "wrong". It's lead me to some conflicts I probably should have avoided. But it also gave me a measure of who I am. Enough to want to change what used to be the bad guy, more into one of the good guys. The kids helped with that. They turned my life completely around.
But after other events, the bad guy showed up again, only this time, for the right reasons. That was a bit harder to quell down. Suffice it to say, I know all too well the type of person you speak of. Hell, if there is one, is still too good a place for them. But...it's a bad line of thinking. I just want my peace now. I think me and my family earned it.
If I can give you some advice, try to not hold on to that kind of hate. Not any more than you have to to get you through. Because it can change you into something worse. I have zero problem with anger as a motivator, it kept me warm at night. But it can also warp you. Twist you into something you don't really want to be. Ultimately, as someone once told me, it gives THEM power over you. They don't deserve that kind of pull on you.

I so APPRECIATE the reply. I see what you are talking about, in relation to revenge and life as a whole, and this is what I myself think, normally. Yet, in this case I was deprived from my "normality" in a way which is so more violating than anything that I have ever imagined could be there for me. I am not able to get up, I am not able to even go to the point where I was at the beginning of the abusive story, and, to me, that point was even not stable, it was a point where I was starting to build towards stability and life.

I will feel repulsion to that person now even if he is the last person left on Earth -- I have no interests in him. But the thing is: my damage is here, and I absolutely have to way to cope with it, and I have no safe place to just hide and cope with it. I'm completely down. And the one who caused this, thinks he is the smartest in the world -- for managing to do something bad w/o to allow others to know about it.
No mercy for him and the slut to whom he gave my own credits. Lol. No mercy. I want them down, and I wish God does it in the most painful way.

Whatever, I won't place this story here, this is another topic, I don't want to be invasive. What I wanted to say, is: Thank you for your compassion and advice.

---------------

Hooray for your dad and grandpa!!!
And may your family has health and happiness in all meanings!!!