Disgust holding me back

[Daan]

Last evening i was watching a television program, called Café de Liefde, or love pub. It is a program about love, relationships, being single. A lady of my age, 32, said she was single and she was dating a lot. She was dating with ten guys at the same time. This made me angry. It has to do with the disgust that i feel for this kind of behaviour, and i have this disgust for a long time. I can remember being 18, and i wasn't interested in relationships. I didn't want to talk with beautiful women, because they are either arrogant or don't want to be haunted. Later on i discovered that beautiful women do want to have friendship, but that was years later.

I have a disgust for the meat market. In discos, women used to dance with the back towards me, bumping their asses against my body. I was insulted by it, because i prefer a normal friendly conversation. When such a girl discovered that i wouldn't respond to her, she would turn around and look it me for a splitsecond with a an arrogant look, or she would be angry. Probably fully expecting the bro to treat the ho as a ho, or something.

I hardly ever date, because i don't like the rude behaviour people often have. The thing i mostly dislike is the easy ignoring. Part of it is insecurity, and that's okay with it. But, often it is the desire to want the best for yourself, people want to be entertained. And if you don't act like the perfect entertainer you will be ignored.

I guess i am conservative in my private life. Wanting long standing friendships and relationships. Without any lies and make believes. Where you can be yourself as a human without having to think about it. Apperently it makes me perfect for friendships, but withholds me from having relationships with women.

 

[Papabear]

since when is exploring relationship options and bumping and grinding for a little bit of excitement rude behavior?

 

[Daan]

I don't like abondoning people. So, i guess i am against experimenting. Like i said, i think i am conservative.

 

[Badjedidude]

There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time. Just because the woman is DATING ten guys at the same time doesn't mean that she's in a RELATIONSHIP with them all.

Since when did "dating" come to be understood as being a relationship? If you're dating, then you're going on dates with people. It's as simple as that. No exclusivity, maybe some sex, just a good time with different people.

A relationship, however, is most usually a committed, intimate thing between two people.

Am I the only one who understands the difference between dating and relationships? lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

since when is exploring relationship options and bumping and grinding for a little bit of excitement rude behavior?

Everyone is different. It may not be rude to you, but it is to him. If you can't accept the fact that not everyone is exactly like you, refrain from commenting on people's posts.

I don't like that type of behavior either. Maybe because I'm not like that, but I wouldn't push my butt against anyone like that, especially if I didn't know them. If it were a close friend, maybe I'd be a little more carefree about it. But random guys I don't know, I wouldn't do that.

Also, I don't see the need to "date" multiple people at once. Seems a bit much to me. Dating is relationship to me. There's no difference between the two to me.

 

[Daan]

since when is exploring relationship options and bumping and grinding for a little bit of excitement rude behavior?

Everyone is different. It may not be rude to you, but it is to him. If you can't accept the fact that not everyone is exactly like you, refrain from commenting on people's posts.

I don't like that type of behavior either. Maybe because I'm not like that, but I wouldn't push my butt against anyone like that, especially if I didn't know them. If it were a close friend, maybe I'd be a little more carefree about it. But random guys I don't know, I wouldn't do that.

Also, I don't see the need to "date" multiple people at once. Seems a bit much to me. Dating is relationship to me. There's no difference between the two to me.

Glad to know that i am not the only one thinking like that.

 

[tehdreamer]

I wouldn't call dating a relationship. I'd expect anyone I went on a date with would likely be dating someone else too. But, if things start to get serious, it's best to discuss forming a more monogamous relationship. A date is just a way to get to know people better and not necessarily a commitment.

Personally, I'd never date more than one person at a time. I can't devote myself to getting to know multiple people in a close, intimate way like that. I have a hard enough time making more than one friend at once!

But I understand that other people do it and that's just how the dating game works for them. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as the person isn't lying to their dates and saying "You're the only one" or any such crap.

Also.. 10!? How can you date 10 people at one time? That's a bit excessive

 

[Badjedidude]

I wouldn't call dating a relationship. I'd expect anyone I went on a date with would likely be dating someone else too. But, if things start to get serious, it's best to discuss forming a more monogamous relationship. A date is just a way to get to know people better and not necessarily a commitment.

Exactly!

I feel no problem with dating multiple women at the same time. But if one did begin to show signs of wanting something committed (or talk to me about it), then I'd consider it and give her my answer.

There's nothing sleazy or gross about that, is there?

 

[shells]

Dating ten guys doesn't mean she is screwing them all. I'd rather see a person play the field and date (not screw, mind you) many people rather than settle with someone they weren't compatible with to begin with.

No reason to feel inferior about it unless you really dig the person. If you don't, then who cares. I also doubt many people go to a disco or club with the only intention of having just conversation. Not all people, but most.

 

[Daan]

I guess it's just not my thing. I think i stay single.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

wow, this thread got derailed in a massive way.

to the original poster. i share your disgust. and by that i mean, the overtly sexual, promiscuous, disrespectful, almost inhuman tone in places like clubs and bars. so. i don't go there.

 

[tehdreamer]

I guess it's just not my thing. I think i stay single.

There's other places to find dates and good conversation besides clubs or discos. Most people who go to those are just looking to hook up for the night, and not much more.

I've never been to a club and probably never will. It's just not my kind of place.

And if you're uncomfortable with someone dating others while with you, you have the right to speak up about it. The other person may not know that you're serious about them and assume you have other dates as well. This is where communication comes in handy.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I have a disgust for the meat market.

I also dislike the bar and club scene as a means of hunting down a partner. I have never been interested in the easy hook-ups, and really that's all that those places are good for.

There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time.

For you, maybe. I have never felt comfortable with the idea of juggling multiple men and I know that I would be offended if I found out that the man I was interested in was hedging his bets and keeping a stable full of women he was dating - even if there is no sex involved.

The dating process is one in which you are supposed to get to know one another to see if there is that indefinable "something" there. When I do it, I like to focus my full attention on one person. I think that to do otherwise would be insulting to my date- as if I was only doing a half-assed job of it.

Then again, I know pretty quickly if there is anything there - not 3 seconds or 3 minutes, because that would be asinine - but I know for sure after 2 dates (and usually after the 1st date) if there is any potential for anything other than a friendship there.

 

[Badjedidude]

The dating process is one in which you are supposed to get to know one another to see if there is that indefinable "something" there. When I do it, I like to focus my full attention on one person. I think that to do otherwise would be insulting to my date- as if I was only doing a half-assed job of it.

Well, to be honest, I'm not really talking about dating eight women at the same time, each for a 5-month period or something like that. That WOULD be unethical, I think. But I think there's definitely nothing wrong with going on 2-3 dates with different people at the same time, because, as you've said, within about 2 dates it's pretty obvious if a person is worth the time or not.

All it takes to avoid confusion or hurt feelings is some honest, open communication. I'd tell every woman I date that I'm dating around, and that if they want something committed, they'd need to let me know.

It just seems like dating one person at a time takes too long. You could do that your whole life and never find "the one," whereas dating multiple people at once gives you more of an opportunity to not only meet different types of people, but increase the number of potential interests that you may be able to click with. *shrug*

But to each their own.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

All it takes to avoid confusion or hurt feelings is some honest, open communication.

I agree with that.

It just seems like dating one person at a time takes too long. You could do that your whole life and never find "the one," whereas dating multiple people at once gives you more of an opportunity to not only meet different types of people, but increase the number of potential interests that you may be able to click with. *shrug*

But to each their own.

Well, yes, if you dated only one person and was "unsure" for like... 3 months, lol yeah that would take too long. heh But I know quickly if someone is not "the one" and I am not going to waste his or my time by stringing him along.

Then I move on to the next person, if there even IS a next person.

 

[Badjedidude]

There's other places to find dates and good conversation besides clubs or discos. Most people who go to those are just looking to hook up for the night, and not much more.

I've never been to a club and probably never will. It's just not my kind of place.

Same here. I'd generally rather stay at home and read a good "beer and popcorn" book.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I have a disgust for the meat market.

I also dislike the bar and club scene as a means of hunting down a partner. I have never been interested in the easy hook-ups, and really that's all that those places are good for.

There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time.

For you, maybe. I have never felt comfortable with the idea of juggling multiple men and I know that I would be offended if I found out that the man I was interested in was hedging his bets and keeping a stable full of women he was dating - even if there is no sex involved.

The dating process is one in which you are supposed to get to know one another to see if there is that indefinable "something" there. When I do it, I like to focus my full attention on one person. I think that to do otherwise would be insulting to my date- as if I was only doing a half-assed job of it.

Then again, I know pretty quickly if there is anything there - not 3 seconds or 3 minutes, because that would be asinine - but I know for sure after 2 dates (and usually after the 1st date) if there is any potential for anything other than a friendship there.

I agree with this. Which is why I do see something slightly off with dating more than one person. I'm more of a one-on-one type person. If there's more people involved in my dating scene, I just wouldn't feel comfortable.

 

[Badjedidude]

I agree with this. Which is why I do see something slightly off with dating more than one person. I'm more of a one-on-one type person. If there's more people involved in my dating scene, I just wouldn't feel comfortable.

Well, it might also have to do with the context. Personally, to me, a "date" is less of a social romantic pairing and more of a fun night out with an interesting person. My more "relaxed" view of dating might be the reason that I'm OK with dating multiple women at once (which, for the record, does NOT actually happen often for me ). Sure, there's an element of romance and sexuality in the date, but honestly, my goal on a date isn't to find a mate. It's to have fun with a member of the opposite sex, whoever she may be.

That may be why. *shrug*

 

[QuietSundayLibrary]

When you're under six feet and well over four hundred pounds, getting a "date" is the last thing on your mind.

 

[huggybear]

There is nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time. Just because the woman is DATING ten guys at the same time doesn't mean that she's in a RELATIONSHIP with them all.

Since when did "dating" come to be understood as being a relationship? If you're dating, then you're going on dates with people. It's as simple as that. No exclusivity, maybe some sex, just a good time with different people.

A relationship, however, is most usually a committed, intimate thing between two people.

Am I the only one who understands the difference between dating and relationships? lol

i dont know about you but i wouldnt bother dating a woman if she was "just having casual sex" with a bunch of other men. thosetypes of woman are called sluts