L
Luna
Guest
During my most recent visit to my family doctor, I couldn't help but be drawn to a poster taped on the back of the door of her office.
On one part of the poster, it spoke of depression and its symptoms.
The symptoms listed, that I can recall were:
-Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
-Loss of energy
-Frequent crying
-Suicidal thoughts
...and then it hit me: could I have depression?
I used to engage myself in art many years ago...expressing my emotions in my drawings. Now, I do not even have the enthusiasm to do so. While I try to distract myself through volunteering, traveling etc, there is nothing that I look forward to or enjoy.
I feel as if I am simply existing and just going through the motions. There is this void inside me, that pains me every moment...but I force myself to put on a smile, and face the world while hiding a heavy heart.
Within the past two weeks...for the first time, I am having trouble controlling my emotions in public. I have had worse days, but back then, I could separate my emotions from myself. Now, they are all that consume me. I have cried, publicly, 4-5 times within the past 14 days...and I can't stop the tears from falling. When I try to block out my thoughts and emotions, or distract myself...the negativity takes over.
Right now, I am actually at my "high"...prior to this, about a month ago, I cried myself to sleep on a daily basis for three weeks straight. At such a young age...my eyes have slight wrinkles and they feel tired constantly.
It just seems that I keep on trying...keep on trying to think positive, only to be continually let down over and over. I have made changes to my lifestyle...but still...it seems as if I am the same broken soul that I have always been...
On one part of the poster, it spoke of depression and its symptoms.
The symptoms listed, that I can recall were:
-Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
-Loss of energy
-Frequent crying
-Suicidal thoughts
...and then it hit me: could I have depression?
I used to engage myself in art many years ago...expressing my emotions in my drawings. Now, I do not even have the enthusiasm to do so. While I try to distract myself through volunteering, traveling etc, there is nothing that I look forward to or enjoy.
I feel as if I am simply existing and just going through the motions. There is this void inside me, that pains me every moment...but I force myself to put on a smile, and face the world while hiding a heavy heart.
Within the past two weeks...for the first time, I am having trouble controlling my emotions in public. I have had worse days, but back then, I could separate my emotions from myself. Now, they are all that consume me. I have cried, publicly, 4-5 times within the past 14 days...and I can't stop the tears from falling. When I try to block out my thoughts and emotions, or distract myself...the negativity takes over.
Right now, I am actually at my "high"...prior to this, about a month ago, I cried myself to sleep on a daily basis for three weeks straight. At such a young age...my eyes have slight wrinkles and they feel tired constantly.
It just seems that I keep on trying...keep on trying to think positive, only to be continually let down over and over. I have made changes to my lifestyle...but still...it seems as if I am the same broken soul that I have always been...