Emotional Abuse - Constant Criticism

[CenotaphGirl]

So I never knew of the effects of constant criticism until I started my recovery journey with my mother after the surgery.
I have found myself, irritable, sarcastic, and indifferent. My mum tells me what I've done wrong, constantly...
I have tried ignoring, I have tried being sarcastic, I have tried being understanding, I have tried everythinggggg
Now now now.. I love constructive criticism... but just as it can be constructive it can also be destructive.

It has destroyed my confidence, my happiness, my sense of self, my mental health, my level of care about anything...
I have genuinely stopped caring...I also feel driven to drink... when I drink I don't care about anything,
I used to have a slight alcohol issue when I was a kid because of my mother and this crap...
Life has a funny way of reminding me that no matter how old I get, what I achieve, my mother will always have a negative affect on me. Always.

 

[okidoke]

In a similar vein, it's the reason my mother and I have minimal contact these days. Sometimes we just have to create a gulf to have some peace. Good luck.

 

[ringwood]

So I never knew of the effects of constant criticism until I started my recovery journey with my mother after the surgery.
I have found myself, irritable, sarcastic, and indifferent. My mum tells me what I've done wrong, constantly...
I have tried ignoring, I have tried being sarcastic, I have tried being understanding, I have tried everythinggggg
Now now now.. I love constructive criticism... but just as it can be constructive it can also be destructive.

It has destroyed my confidence, my happiness, my sense of self, my mental health, my level of care about anything...
I have genuinely stopped caring...I also feel driven to drink... when I drink I don't care about anything,
I used to have a slight alcohol issue when I was a kid because of my mother and this crap...
Life has a funny way of reminding me that no matter how old I get, what I achieve, my mother will always have a negative affect on me. Always.

Set boundaries. Make it clear to her that you will not tolerate the constant criticism and if it continues, you will be forced to step away from the relationship. If that means a break from seeing your mom for a while, so be it. Stick to it and make sure she knows you mean business. When it gets to the point where you’re practicing harmful behaviours (drinking excessively) because of her attitude towards you, it’s time to do something serious about it.

Mothers can be so **** toxic! Mine was, but more in a passive-aggressive way, always wanting to protect me and feeling she had a right to butt into my life.

 

[user 150037]

Nobody should be allowed to effect how you feel about yourself - its your own actions that determine your self worth. Focus on being a kind soul - thats all thay matters.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

In a similar vein, it's the reason my mother and I have minimal contact these days. Sometimes we just have to create a gulf to have some peace. Good luck.

Wow I cant believe how common mother issues are. They really push me to dark corners because it's too much.

Set boundaries. Make it clear to her that you will not tolerate the constant criticism and if it continues, you will be forced to step away from the relationship. If that means a break from seeing your mom for a while, so be it. Stick to it and make sure she knows you mean business. When it gets to the point where you’re practicing harmful behaviours (drinking excessively) because of her attitude towards you, it’s time to do something serious about it.

Mothers can be so **** toxic! Mine was, but more in a passive-aggressive way, always wanting to protect me and feeling she had a right to butt into my life.

I think thats the issue, I dont know how to say stop without upsetting my mum, shes the ultimate victim, if I say anything she acts as if shes been brutally verablly attacked.

Nobody should be allowed to effect how you feel about yourself - its your own actions that determine your self worth. Focus on being a kind soul - thats all thay matters.

I ultimately agree with this, just hearing you arent good enough constantly… hurts, I even said “mum nothing I do is good enough”. And she said “ yeah its not..” just what good is that supposed to achieve just feels like provocation after a while

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Guys maybe i'm sensitive but I'm crying right now so hear me out.

So here I am... done nothing wrong and STILL my mum has something negative to say about me... she said I was a dog with a bone... because I was gonna tell a story about my brother but apparently I didnt get the hint that she didn't want me to, instead of just telling me... she made the "shes like a dog with a bone comment" .... and I have just burst into tears, everything I do is wrong guys!!!!!!!! everything every ******* little thing... everythinggggggggggggg omfgggggggg I hate my ******* lifeee I feel insaneeeeeeeee it's like she wont stop until im swinging... This is crushing me... I need to get out of this place or else... I wont make it guys... Put that on my late father, I wont...

 

[user 150037]

Nothing you do is wrong. Its her.

Are there no local crisis centers near where you live?

 

[user 190848]

So I never knew of the effects of constant criticism until I started my recovery journey with my mother after the surgery.
I have found myself, irritable, sarcastic, and indifferent. My mum tells me what I've done wrong, constantly...
I have tried ignoring, I have tried being sarcastic, I have tried being understanding, I have tried everythinggggg
Now now now.. I love constructive criticism... but just as it can be constructive it can also be destructive.

It has destroyed my confidence, my happiness, my sense of self, my mental health, my level of care about anything...
I have genuinely stopped caring...I also feel driven to drink... when I drink I don't care about anything,
I used to have a slight alcohol issue when I was a kid because of my mother and this crap...
Life has a funny way of reminding me that no matter how old I get, what I achieve, my mother will always have a negative affect on me. Always.

Gone through these dynamics with my parents my mother is deceased. My father is 86 I see this was their issue not mine finally

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Nothing you do is wrong. Its her.

Are there no local crisis centers near where you live?

Yeah ended up calling a close friend and going to see her instead but will bring it up in group therapy.

Gone through these dynamics with my parents my mother is deceased. My father is 86 I see this was their issue not mine finally

I cant believe it, genuinely I keep thinking its me, then sometimes I know it's not me but I feel depressed because I want her to like me... accept me... stop bullying me.. but I cant change her, and even if im perfect i'll never be good enough for her. I'm sorry to hear your mother passed though, with that dynamic unresolved.

 

[randomguy]

I forget how young you are sometimes Princess, I reckon because you've an old soul. Have you told her you need her support not her criticism?, stuff you've posted previously suggests she's always been critical and that's the problem, Lifelong patterns of criticism, despite her very best efforts, are going to be hard to break.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I forget how young you are sometimes Princess, I reckon because you've an old soul. Have you told her you need her support not her criticism?, stuff you've posted previously suggests she's always been critical and that's the problem, Lifelong patterns of criticism, despite her very best efforts, are going to be hard to break.

I'm scared of my mum honestly, she doesn't like me and the more evident it is the more I hide from her, the more I break down… I shouldnt need people like I do, but I cant help it maybe I need therapy to stop allowing people to hurt me like I do. I cling to them hoping they’ll stop everytime

 

[randomguy]

I'm scared of my mum honestly, she doesn't like me and the more evident it is the more I hide from her, the more I break down… I shouldnt need people like I do, but I cant help it maybe I need therapy to stop allowing people to hurt me like I do. I cling to them hoping they’ll stop everytime

I know exactly how you feel, I went thru it with my mum. We were estranged for over 20 years and only reconciled shortly before her death.

It's an unhealthy relationship Princess and unlikely to change at the moment. Maybe it's time to get her out of your life for a while, it could do you both the world of good.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I know exactly how you feel, I went thru it with my mum. We were estranged for over 20 years and only reconciled shortly before her death.

It's an unhealthy relationship Princess and unlikely to change at the moment. Maybe it's time to get her out of your life for a while, it could do you both the world of good.

Mothers are supposed to loveeee i dont understand why they dont always do it properly, sorry Randomguy I am so happy you got reconciliation

 

[Bratwurst0516]

I'm scared of my mum honestly, she doesn't like me and the more evident it is the more I hide from her, the more I break down… I shouldnt need people like I do, but I cant help it maybe I need therapy to stop allowing people to hurt me like I do. I cling to them hoping they’ll stop everytime

I had a doctor's appointment today with a new neurologist. My (physical)neurological health problems actually began, before I was 1yr.-old. I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm(clipped). Which caused hydrocephalus(shunted). The brain surgeries caused epilepsy.

Why am I mentioning this.

In 2015, when I was 48 and my mother was 75. I had an appointment with my (former, he moved later that year)neurologist which my mother was present at that appointment. Without any warning and without my permission. She suddenly asked the neurologist about removing my shunt. The neurologist emphatically(and thankfully) told my mother, that would cause more damage than good(I already knew that).

Ever since that day, I have not trusted my mother to be in any of my medical appointments. Even though my maternal aunt(retired nurse) wholeheartedly suggested it.

Today, I had an appointment with a new neurologist. Before the appointment, because of what happened in 2015, I told my mother that, I did not want her present in the appointment. My mother criticized me after I got out of the appointment. Not only for not wanting her in the appointment, but also. For not asking questions she had. Then she complained about the length of time of the appointment and some standard neurology tests the neurologist did not have me do. I was pleased with how the appointment went, but. My mother(83 on 11-24-23) was not a happy camper. 20yrs. ago(2002-2007), I lived, not just 1,150+mi. away from my mother. I lived in Duluth(Minnesota). Where the windchill in the winter has been as cold as -50-80WC. Those 4yrs.+, I didn't experience my mother trying to mange every aspect of my life.

There is no problem needing people. It is just a matter of who the person is to you and, if they genuinely care about your well-being. My (ex)wife nearly let me die, courtesy of her ignorance. While my mentally-ill (ex)fiance stayed with me, through three medical emergencies.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You can't expect other people to change. You can only change yourself, but if you keep putting yourself in the situation, it's more on you than her. That may sound harsh, but it's true. I get it, you want your mother to nurture you, to love you and that's understandable, but she has shown you who she is your entire life, so maybe it's time to do what's best for you. What does she add to your life? Do the benefits outweight the cons? If not, maybe it's time to let her go, so you can focus on yourself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I had a doctor's appointment today with a new neurologist. My (physical)neurological health problems actually began, before I was 1yr.-old. I was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm(clipped). Which caused hydrocephalus(shunted). The brain surgeries caused epilepsy.

Why am I mentioning this.

In 2015, when I was 48 and my mother was 75. I had an appointment with my (former, he moved later that year)neurologist which my mother was present at that appointment. Without any warning and without my permission. She suddenly asked the neurologist about removing my shunt. The neurologist emphatically(and thankfully) told my mother, that would cause more damage than good(I already knew that).

Ever since that day, I have not trusted my mother to be in any of my medical appointments. Even though my maternal aunt(retired nurse) wholeheartedly suggested it.

Today, I had an appointment with a new neurologist. Before the appointment, because of what happened in 2015, I told my mother that, I did not want her present in the appointment. My mother criticized me after I got out of the appointment. Not only for not wanting her in the appointment, but also. For not asking questions she had. Then she complained about the length of time of the appointment and some standard neurology tests the neurologist did not have me do. I was pleased with how the appointment went, but. My mother(83 on 11-24-23) was not a happy camper. 20yrs. ago(2002-2007), I lived, not just 1,150+mi. away from my mother. I lived in Duluth(Minnesota). Where the windchill in the winter has been as cold as -50-80WC. Those 4yrs.+, I didn't experience my mother trying to mange every aspect of my life.

There is no problem needing people. It is just a matter of who the person is to you and, if they genuinely care about your well-being. My (ex)wife nearly let me die, courtesy of her ignorance. While my mentally-ill (ex)fiance stayed with me, through three medical emergencies.

Ugh I relate to this more than you know, I am sorry you have little trust there so do I. My mother gets soo crazy at my appointments she starts shouting things that arent even true it's like the pressure gets to her and she barely lets me speak.

You can't expect other people to change. You can only change yourself, but if you keep putting yourself in the situation, it's more on you than her. That may sound harsh, but it's true. I get it, you want your mother to nurture you, to love you and that's understandable, but she has shown you who she is your entire life, so maybe it's time to do what's best for you. What does she add to your life? Do the benefits outweight the cons? If not, maybe it's time to let her go, so you can focus on yourself.

It's true, there comes a point when it is on me. I have passed that point. My father dying lit something in me to really try again, try my best as I dont want to have endless regrets for not even trying and I also feel like I have no one else. No matter what I do... I cant change her, I cant make her love me... it's not something that can be forced sadly... I dont know how to take that information and really accept it.

 

[Bratwurst0516]

It's true, there comes a point when it is on me. I have passed that point. My father dying lit something in me to really try again, try my best as I dont want to have endless regrets for not even trying and I also feel like I have no one else. No matter what I do... I cant change her, I cant make her love me... it's not something that can be forced sadly... I dont know how to take that information and really accept it.

The reason I can't presently change my situation is due to prior experience. My (ex)wife, treated my health like it was a joke. To the point that, when I had a bad seizure in our platform wood waterbed w/ wood headboard. She just jumped off the bed and ran out of the bedroom. So much for, 'in sickness and in health'. I could have cracked my skull on the headboard and, she wouldn't have even called 911.

My 1st mentally-ill (ex)fiance not only did not freak out, three times. When I had a bad seizure in a government office. She was the one calming down, who freaking out.

My 2nd mentally-ill (ex)fiance had bad OCD. She obsessed about my health to the point, that. I felt no need to give her any info. Because, She would have done anything to keep me safe.

A fourth woman I loved, who was also mentally ill. Died suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart condition that wasn't found, until her autopsy. It has been two years since she died. She was younger than me.