When I'm aware that I don't have good, trustworthy friends that I can hang out with to go to events or to dinner with, then I feel like, as other people have said, that life is passing me by. I mean, I have some friends that I go out for coffee with but they're casual acquaintances. I never get invited to things that I wanted to do when I was this age (late twenties). I want to go to dinner parties. I would like to go to the theatre with someone else. I want to go camping. I want to go backpacking again but with someone else. It's so depressing. I've been in this city for almost ten years I still don't have real, good, honest, truthful friends. I know that takes work, and I've tried with others but they won't let me in, or they're not honest, or they made me feel even lonelier in their company.
So I feel like a combination of old person and awkward adolescent who doesn't know what the hell they're doing wrong. It would be okay if it was a few people who rejected me. I don't know how to not be myself, or be myself but the real self. I've asked brutally honest people about what is wrong with me, and they have no answer that satisfies me.
