does your family know about your lonliness?

[butterfly91]

i was just wondering if your family knows how lonely you are and what they do to help you? i study abroad and it is easy to hide the fact that i am so lonely here and how much i wish i can come back. i don't know how they will react if they find out that i spend most of my days crying, and everytime they call, i spend another few hours crying once they hang up. they think i am happy here and that i have great friends, but i am depressed and i think its affecting my studies greatly.

i dont know if i should confide in my parents that i am sad and alone because i doubt they will understand and will make me feel even more lonely

 

[kamya]

You should tell them. You say they won't understand but they might surprise you. I did and it was really hard to do and sucked at the time but ended up being a major stress release. They also might be able to help you find professional help.

 

[Bread]

My brother knows, and I'm guessing my sister knows. I haven't much talked to either of my parents. Hell, I never talked to my parents even before they separated- you just didn't talk about your stuff in the family. Still, I appreciate my brother's support. Don't think I can pay him back in this lifetime for all he's done for me.

I say, if you know you can talk to your folks or siblings, go for it. Helps with the baggage- as long as you don't overdo it. Nobody wants to be a bellhop who carries loads of emotional baggage around that don't belong to him for nothing.

 

[A new life]

I don't talk about it anymore.
Though well-intentioned, my family just makes it worse.

 

[I'm Fine]

Short answer - No.

Long answer - Noooooo.
(Sorry, trying to be funny).

Quite frankly even though I see various members of my family regularly (live with husband and child) they don't seem to notice. To be fair, I hide it - but you'd think they'd notice something. Apparently not.

Like others have said, try talking to them. If they respond, then they can help. If they don't, then at least you'll know and you'll have tried. Good luck *hugs*

 

[Sci-Fi]

I think my mom does, she likes to joke that I go home every weekend because I miss them. It's either that or I spend the weekends alone.

Off topic, but butterfly that Catwoman is such an insult. *best comic book guy voice* Worst Catwoman EVER! Halle Berry and the producers of that movie destroyed all the excellent work Michelle Pfeiffer and Tim Burton did for her (except for the mousy secretary part). Hopefully Christopher Nolan and Anne Hathaway return her to her former glory on the big screen.

 

[butterfly91]

@kamya : my parent's way of telling me to deal with stuff is by saying "everyone else is going through it too... they are not complaining" which kinda sucks that they dont think i am really upset.
@bread : my sister knows that i am lonely, but she doesn't know it is this bad. and i dont really want to burden her with her a levels coming up and all..
@ a new life : i feel that way too =(
@ i'm fine : 'no' is what i am telling myself too =P
@ scifi : ur comment made me laugh =) i needed that so thx =) haha oh but halle berry was so hot!!

 

[lonely_visionary]

I don't think families always understand loneliness. They think you cannot be lonely because you have them around. But if you see the world so differently that can make it worse: the ones you love most are strangers to you. (To clarify, all my family is in a very intense religion, and I left it five years ago - if anyone here has that experience you will understand.)

 

[triilsk]

i'm sorry butterfly. in a similar situation, can't tell my family because it would go around and eventually reach my father, who is more miserable than me at the moment; divorced, abandoned, forced retirement, bankrupt, emotionally unstable, alcoholism, illness)

so much tristesse i don't want to burden him even more.
i think my family knows i'm not happy, but they don't know the details.

 

[TheFrenchy]

Since you live abroad it isn't that a problem. You can tell them that you don't understand the language of your fellow classmates and can't really make any acquintances there. I can figure out they won't see you like a freak here?
But think again. Imagine somebody who still lives with his parents and doesn't have a job. Can you conceive that he or she can ever admit to their parents they feel lonely? Beside all the worries they got already for them?
That'd be utterly awkward and embarrasing either for you or they, wouldn't it?
My parents have enough already of their own problems. I can't impose that on them as well!
But studying abroad is different. It's the perfect excuse.

 

[WishingWell]

I am sorry Butterfly that loneliness is such a horrific experience for you! In my case, telling people in my family makes no sense since no one can fill that empty space as far as a family member goes. Not that I don't love them, but my two siblings are so different from me that I doubt if we would be friends if we weren't related. My Dad has passed on, and I wouldn't bother my 81-year old Mother by telling her that--it would upset her too much.

I think, in your case, telling your parents would definitely upset them very much. I really don't see how they could possibly help you from so far away.

I wish I had some advice, other than to continue reaching out to people on the Forum. Try posting on topics that interest you that you feel you have something to say about...also, why not Private Message someone that is new or seems to interest you by a Thread or Post. I have met a few people that way. It really helps just being pen pals.

Best wishes to you...I hope your pain is eased somehow and soon!

 

[CKJ]

My parents know--but they're the ones who caused it in the first place with their nutty parenting style.

 

[fortasse]

Imagine somebody who still lives with his parents and doesn't have a job. Can you conceive that he or she can ever admit to their parents they feel lonely?

I did to my mom. I don't remember how it came up, but last year my mom and I had a talk about my being lonely. She gave me advice and stuff, but I haven't talked to her about it since.

Loneliness just isn't something I tend to talk about with my family. So, my mom knows I'm lonely (or at least she knows I was lonely at one point in time), but I don't know if the rest of my family knows. They might just think I'm anti-social.

 

[Limlim]

Not really much point in telling them since they can't fix it. Things would be the same as they are now, only with additional pity. Yaaaay

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

They know, but I'm not sure to what extent. Mostly my mom knows. My dad just kind of thinks I'm bullshitting her to get pity for something or another.

 

[edgecrusher]

nope. i mean i have told my sister that i am lonely as far as companionship goes. but i dont think anyone knows how much it actually bothers me.

 

[butterfly91]

@thefrenchy : haha no being abroad is not the perfect excuse because everyone speaks english anyway, there is no language barrier! and my family have met my friends, they like my friends.... i dont know how to tell them that the people i have known for 2 years, actually only talk to me if they need something and other than that i am always alone?
@wishingwell : thank you so much for the encouragement... i wish i really had a wishing well right now lol...
@ CKJ : i can relate to that... they were so overprotective of me when i was younger tht i didn't really have a social life..
@limlim : knowing my busy parents, i dont think they are exactly going to pity me.

 

[upanddownlikeayoyo]

No. What family I have left I rarely see, thankfully.

They wouldn't understand. When I had something happen to me when I was a child, they said I should get over it and it still affects me today. Not the kind of family that is understanding. I have to lie about my whole life to them or i'll have them on my case

 

[Superunknown]

My parents know, they are my support system and frankly two of the coolest/most interesting people I've ever known. I go home on weekends and hang with them because they are a lot of fun. I know it's supposed to be "uncool" to like your parents or whatever "trendy" reason that's been shoved onto society these days, but I'd rather hang with them than anyone else my age... I feel lucky I have them, cuz if they weren't around I know I'd go completely crazy all caved up. We're a pretty intense family, so I think there aren't a lot of other people out there that could match it haha, probably get pretty scared and run away.

 

[sameoldsameold]

My family really have no idea. I would love to have the kind of relationship with my family where this is possible, unfortunately I know that nothing is ever held in confidence, so telling one is like telling the entire world. And then you have to deal with the sympathy from extended family and I simply can't deal with that.