doesn't anybody want real life friends?

[firebird85]

I haven't had any friends or contacts for 7 years, I'd prefer people I could meet and associate with in the real world.

 

[dead]

well, of course - but it is not very easy to find them. and... the meantime can get pretty terrible to bear without a semblance of connection. *shrugs*

 

[Nolife Princess]

I haven't had any friends or contacts for 7 years, I'd prefer people I could meet and associate with in the real world.

Yes , Of course , everyone wants to be liked, accepted, and valued. but for some it is harder than others.
It is not the people around you, it is yourself, I know when I am feeling insecure, or doubtful about certain situations I close down.. am not able to take the moment and be out going and make a friendship. however I find that when I am confident, outgoing, and open to the people around me, be it a party, movie,eating out, or just a walk in the park.. it makes a difference.

You must like your self, be, act, do, think, and promote yourself in a way that you would want others to be towards you.

But don't give too much of your self, don't wear that heart on your sleeve... just give enough to make for a nice acquaintance, then if that goes well, it will grow into a friendship.
Take it slowly, it will happen.. just make it happen.. you must make it happen.

**One thing that I find really fun, when I am feeling a bit lonely is go to the mall! you do not necessarily have to buy anything (I usually hit the food court- (yes I am wonky like that) but heck, just strike up a conversation! I talk to everybody! and it is fun too
Especially now Christmas time, lots lots lots of folks at the mall... and just think, not all of them are there for shopping... some of them are there, just like you, looking for a pal to talk too.

 

[roguewave]

Sometimes I want real life friends, sometimes I don't. Until I can make up my mind I will maintain my online contacts because it's not fair to string someone along in real life and them dump them when it gets to be too much for you.
I have actually done that before and now feel so utterly horrific about it that I am afraid to enter into a real life friendship again, for fear of hurting the person.
Sometimes I think that karma is keeping me from having actual relationships. Or rather, protecting me from getting hurt and hurting others when I panic and disappear without warning.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Sometimes I want real life friends, sometimes I don't. Until I can make up my mind I will maintain my online contacts because it's not fair to string someone along in real life and them dump them when it gets to be too much for you.
I have actually done that before and now feel so utterly horrific about it that I am afraid to enter into a real life friendship again, for fear of hurting the person.
Sometimes I think that karma is keeping me from having actual relationships. Or rather, protecting me from getting hurt and hurting others when I panic and disappear without warning.

when I panic and disappear without warning.
I am so there Rogue, this is me to a tee.... to a tee.

 

[roguewave]

Sometimes I want real life friends, sometimes I don't. Until I can make up my mind I will maintain my online contacts because it's not fair to string someone along in real life and them dump them when it gets to be too much for you.
I have actually done that before and now feel so utterly horrific about it that I am afraid to enter into a real life friendship again, for fear of hurting the person.
Sometimes I think that karma is keeping me from having actual relationships. Or rather, protecting me from getting hurt and hurting others when I panic and disappear without warning.

when I panic and disappear without warning.
I am so there Rogue, this is me to a tee.... to a tee.

It is a strange affliction when your heart constantly wants to connect but your brain says no.
Years ago, when I was feeling especially brave, I had the audacity to try and reconnect with some of the people I fled from. Surprisingly, a few took me back...until I got too close, freaked out and disappeared again.
I'm glad at least someone else understands this.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Sometimes I want real life friends, sometimes I don't. Until I can make up my mind I will maintain my online contacts because it's not fair to string someone along in real life and them dump them when it gets to be too much for you.
I have actually done that before and now feel so utterly horrific about it that I am afraid to enter into a real life friendship again, for fear of hurting the person.
Sometimes I think that karma is keeping me from having actual relationships. Or rather, protecting me from getting hurt and hurting others when I panic and disappear without warning.

when I panic and disappear without warning.
I am so there Rogue, this is me to a tee.... to a tee.

It is a strange affliction when your heart constantly wants to connect but your brain says no.
Years ago, when I was feeling especially brave, I had the audacity to try and reconnect with some of the people I fled from. Surprisingly, a few took me back...until I got too close, freaked out and disappeared again.
I'm glad at least someone else understands this.

I have never, and I mean never met anyone that has had this same issue! I hate my fault/disorder, but I am so glad to know that I am not alone.
It sux, because I am usually a people person, and like you said, once things get close, I hit the road.. with out warning.

 

[Barbaloot]

I used to disappear without warning on my 'friends' a lot too.. or just stop talking to them even when they'd see me in person. I know I hurt a lot of feelings. I always eventually apologized.. after a few years.
I mainly did it because I couldn't relate to any of them on any deep or profound level though. Or they annoyed me... usually both though.

I would like to have friends in real life. But the odds of me meeting someone I can relate to where I live are slim to none. So until then, online friends will have to do.

 

[Nolife Princess]

thats the cool thing about the net.... finding like minded folks, that you can relate to, then go from there.

 

[Chasm]

i do

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I haven't had any friends or contacts for 7 years, I'd prefer people I could meet and associate with in the real world.

Fill in the location details of your profile. Might help you along the way.

 

[Bread]

Of course, I want real life friends I could meet up with each week. Problem is finding any, of course. Most buddies and pals I've had, the people I grew up with, I haven't heard of in years. As soon as we stopped going to the same school or living next door to each other, it seems, I was transported into a whole new world void of any friendship. Been this way for a few years, now, and even if I'd want to strive out and find friendship...I don't even know how and where to begin. And underneath all this lies the thought of being abandoned again. Not a good combo.

 

[mountainorc]

I tried and get real friends but I can't ever connect with them for some reason. Now I just want to "cooldown" and try some online communities, maybe I can meet there from my area/country.

 

[21acceptedbeingalone]

I know what the people in this thread mean. I havent had a real life thread in like 4 years its pretty sad. Basically once I got to college I just stopped trying and closed myself off from people. I get lonely and want to make friends but sort of dont know how to go about it and my tendency is too hide away from people when they get closer to me. Ugh sucks.

 

[TrailerTrish]

One good real-life friend has been something I've wanted for many years, but have not been able to find. There have been connections to others (acquaintances) that over time did not pan out as real friendships for the usual reasons, those being lack of common values, beliefs, interests, and insufficiently deep connection on an interpersonal level. I have one online friendship that I've maintained over the last 8 years, but it would be much better in person than just typed over Yahoo Messenger.

Online friendships in general lack the immediacy and depth of interaction possible in face to face contact and exchange, and so I'd much prefer a real-life relationship, if I could find one, but that's really not easy. To start with there are not many places where people meet and mix freely to exchange ideas and relate to one another. Where I live now they amount to bars and coffee houses.

If I go to Starbucks most of those there are absorbed in their newspaper, iPad, or laptop, if they are not already engaged in private conversation with those who came there with them, or on their cell phones, so it's not real easy to meet people there, and where bars are concerned the socializing is lubricated with alcohol, and as a result rather shallow and superficial, and with alcohol liberating people's issues out into the open as their inhibitions are dissolved in drink.

Real life friendships take time to develop and have a way of eluding our best efforts to find them. Perhaps we can only wait for them to happen naturally on their own when the right person comes along at the right time and in the right place.

 

[iris]

Not really, no. I enjoy my online friends much more than my real life friends, whom I mostly avoid as much as I can. I too gave up on friends who used to tell me nasty things or even dared to make fun of me. Now they keep calling or making contact from time to time but I never respond to them. I don't need them in my life. I can have fun whenever I want to, if I want to, with the few friends I do have. Money are an issue, not friends/friendships.

I can't help the way I feel, I need to isolate myself in order to protect me from being hurt or misunderstood, again. I also feel like I have nothing left to offer to others. I also like someone and, if I wasn't so depressed, I would love him to be my boyfriend. I'm sure it wouldn't work out in the end though, so what's the use of even trying? Like I am now, I can't be that available to someone. What a pity! (I can't even feel sad about it...)

 

[blackdot]

I tried to order some on Amazon but they were sold out.

 

[Nessie]

Oh the joys of friendship! I have no problems with making friends. I just struggle in keeping them.

 

[cassia]

Just before my high school graduation, my mother said to me "Treasure the friends you have now, because college marks the end of true, unadulterated friendship. The friends you will make in university and work will always have some underlying intention: sexual, academic, or professional."

I think this was a terrible thing to say, since it's had a negative impact on the way I socialize (ie not at all), but sometimes I wonder about the truth of it. With the exception of my partner, the people for whom I feel the most care and intimacy, I met during high school or earlier. These relationships do have a certain purity to them, although I can't really put my finger on it. It might simply be that they were witness to a piece of my adolescence (and me to theirs) and thus they have a much greater and deeper understanding of deeply personal information about me, such as my fears, weaknesses, habits, beliefs, etc. -- the kind of things that are hard to just strike up a conversation about between two adults. It's information that is more easily and less awkwardly conveyed through sharing life experiences and living with each other, or at least seeing each other very frequently. But there's not really the time or opportunity for me to do this with anyone but my partner, which is probably why I consider him to be my only friend.

Those people I mentioned - the ones I met in high school, are all in different countries now, and although I keep in contact with them via email, it's really not the same. Sharing a coffee, taking a walk in the park, or going shopping together can inspire vastly different states of mind, and provoke conversation I would not have through an internet medium.

 

[blackdot]

I would love to have real friends. Unfortunately I do have them but I avoid them.
Until I find someone to date, I avoid everyone else.
Yes I know. Sounds stupid. But my brain ain't wired right.

---

Just before my high school graduation, my mother said to me "Treasure the friends you have now, because college marks the end of true, unadulterated friendship. The friends you will make in university and work will always have some underlying intention: sexual, academic, or professional."

hmmm.. not so sure about that one. i didn't start having friends until college.
College was a happy time when I was contained in an area with a lot of people my age. Since it was a small campus, everyone who lived on campus was right near everyone else.
It was after college that I went back to having no one due to no longer living in a contained area of people my age. Then when I would find someone to be friends with, they would get married and vanish again.