We all are different and i'm not totally sure, but quite, that the most common problem with not having all the friends we want is because of low self-esteem, being shy, simply put. It's like a decease which need something out of the ordinary to be "cured". Having low self-esteem is like being a bit depressed even at the best of times, and getting friends when You're depressed is far from easy.
I don't have many friends at all and haven't had a real one for years. I have no idea how Your growth went by, but i completely blame my parents for everything bad in my life. And i'm not talking about being physicly mistreated; i've never broken any bones from a fall because of my parents not being around or something like that. They gave me what i needed to live, nothing more.
What i'm trying to say is that the reason why it's hard for a person to get friends or find love is because they haven't been shown enough love during their growth, simply put. If You always recieved alot of caring words, hugs and kisses from everyone while You grow up, the world is, to You, a place where this is compeltely normal; where everyone are supposed to like and love eachother. You get good at doing what it takes to find that which You seek to get You glad; friends.
I sucked at this completely during my youth, especially my teen-age. I didn't know
how to get friends and even worse; at some points i didn't even
want to get friends, because it just felt weird having one now that i had been raised to believe that You aren't
supposed to have any "automactically"; You gotta fight, hard, to find them.
Does what i've written above seem logical to You? Does it perhaps even
describe You? The part about not knowing
how to get friends is most probably correct, i presume. And normally You might think a "well that's a good place to start then!" would be fitting here, but i don't think it is, actually. If You, like me, have had this problem for the mostpart of Your life, i think it is important to begin with getting to know Yourself better, because when You do, You can change Yourself in the right way.
The person that
i am right now, for example, didn't even exist three years ago. I were suicidally depressed and had been that for over five years. No matter how many people there were around me, none of them felt close to me enough for me to expect any love from them. They weren't "supposed" to be my friends, because then they would toss themselves over me and we'd be best buddies for ever. But since that never happened... You get the hint.
I changed. I gave up who i were, my entire past and history and created a new, better Robin. The person that
You are right now, aiming at everyone who feel like our good friend Z here do, is a person that can be so full of life and love that You, by Yourself, could make peace all over the world. But why aren't You? Howcome You feel so powerless about all this?
Because You aren't 100% Yourself. You are partly someone else, someone who isn't good for You. These people were, in my case, my parents. My loveless, never-hugging parents, who were, and still are, slaves to the money, working their asses off, not caring about anyone's than themselves.
Now, i'm the opposit of them; i'm loving, i hug even people i recently met goodbye when we part, i sing and whistle to show my joy, i'm showing the world that You can whatever You want to be. Of course, this has some change for the worse too; i'm poor, i want to learn about everything instead of actually taking a job, i waste hours of hours of my life just sitting on a bench in the sun to enjoy it instead of doing something "better".
But the best part about it... is that i love all this! I love my life like it is right now, i love everything i do because i have formed it all to be like this all by myself. I care about my looks, i
love working out, i like greeting lonely strangers on benches to see a temporal smile on their face. I have nobody else within me than the person that i was born to be; myself, not some depressed, ugly idiot who should study his ass off to become a millionaire.
Everyone can do this, but since everyone also is different, it all has to be put together in different phases and speed.
If You feel that what i've written above seems sane to You, You could check out a post i wrote to a guy last night about changing, if You want to;
here.
Otherwise i would gladly talk to You in private to maybe get You to feel a little better. Send me a private message with Your e-mail and we could be pen-pals. Together we can do anything.