Dont know what to do

[Guest]

I am not sure what to do, i just feel lonely and seeing other people happy with children etc makes it worse. I am 34, Female from England, i been feeling this way for quite some time now. My mum died in 1996 and my dad in 2001, i am an only child. I also hate my job which i have been there for 10 years, its an admin type job where i hate most of all is the filing work (70 to 100 papers a day i file) its getting me down now. The trouble is I pay rent and have bills to pay and scared to leave incase a new job doesnt work out as I have no financial backup (savings) or anyone to help me out if things go wrong. I feel trapped there. Also my only friend got married a few years ago and I hardly hear from her anymore, I cant think of the last time I seen her. I also recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years whom I met on the internet, but I could see that coming it wasnt going right for a long time. I would love to have a family but it will not happen now, not at my age. Im also scared to trust people because they hurt or leave me. If it wasnt for TV or computer games I wouldnt know what I would do. Its all a nightmare. I am off work this week, i took a few days off, I just had to get out of there.

Shirl

 

[Frizbit]

I am not sure what to do, i just feel lonely and seeing other people happy with children etc makes it worse. I am 34, Female from England, i been feeling this way for quite some time now. My mum died in 1996 and my dad in 2001, i am an only child. I also hate my job which i have been there for 10 years, its an admin type job where i hate most of all is the filing work (70 to 100 papers a day i file) its getting me down now. The trouble is I pay rent and have bills to pay and scared to leave incase a new job doesnt work out as I have no financial backup (savings) or anyone to help me out if things go wrong. I feel trapped there. Also my only friend got married a few years ago and I hardly hear from her anymore, I cant think of the last time I seen her. I also recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years whom I met on the internet, but I could see that coming it wasnt going right for a long time. I would love to have a family but it will not happen now, not at my age. Im also scared to trust people because they hurt or leave me. If it wasnt for TV or computer games I wouldnt know what I would do. Its all a nightmare. I am off work this week, i took a few days off, I just had to get out of there.

Shirl

Hi Shirl!

Sorry to hear about the trouble you're going through. Some times it feels like the world is against you, but hey, you've now got one person here rooting for your speedy recovery to happiness .

Hang in there, you're doing great. You've got a stable home, a job to pay things, and you're surviving. Sounds like you're doing pretty good to me. Have you thought about internet dating as an option to finding guys? A friend of mine had a bit of fun meeting dozens of different guys for a few years before she found the great guy she's with now. She met good guys, she met creepy guys, and she even met a guy who was so cheap they split the gas money .

Aside from your man issue, have you should look in to building up a small savings account (HSBC has amazing interest rates for an online savings account) for a rainy day, then look in to a retirement plan. Stress contributes to the depression of loneliness, especially financial stress. It's difficult because once you're used to spending money with a certain income, it's impossible to lower your spending! If you're bored one night, take a look at the book Freakanomics, you might enjoy yourself a bit.

Your job sounds like you're in a bit of a rut. I highly recommend you keep your resume up to date, because you never know... something just may spring up. If you're mainly set on staying at your current job, I highly recommend reading the Dali Llama's book: The Art of Happiness at Work. Made me happier . You should visit conferences too where other people get together in your field. It's a good place to meet people who are in the same place in life as you, similar interest, it might increase job satisfaction a wee bit, and you increase your chance of getting a new job because people are trying to hire there too! I don't know your field exactly, but one example is WITI ( http://witi.org ). It's a technically oriented organized aimed at women. Find something similar for yourself and think about being active member. Watch out though, some of these organizations are in the process of dying so they'll try to suck you in as an organizer and unload work on you. Be active but don't be a sucker

Have you thought about getting a low maintenance dog or a house plant you can keep around if you can't have pets? I've got Fred, my own little plant. Sure it sounds silly, but as a guy I don't have friends whom I can talk with about problems. As a result, Fred knows more about me than anybody I know. He'll never tell anybody any of my secrets either... at least I hope not... >_> ... <_< ... shh!

It sounds like you're a good person. Good things happen to good people so lets see what good things are coming your way .

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Shirl,

I agree with Frizbit that it sounds as though you are being too hard on yourself. At age 34, you can TOTALLY have a marriage and a family if that is what you truly want! You are still a spring chicken! I'm 31 and I think that "30 is the new 20." I mean that people are taking longer to grow up these days. I think we are overwhelmed by technology and the fast pace of life. So it's taking us longer to mature and grow up to get married, have kids, etc.

Be happy that you are out of a bad relationship. Trust me, I think being in an unhealthy relationship is worse than being single. At least being single you are available for the right guy.

 

[Guest]

Hi

Thanks for the replies, I do have 2 cats, 2 persian-cross as I live in an appartment and I wanted a lazy breed that didnt mind being indoor cats, and they are lovely, can imagine being without them.

The reason my relationship broke up was that he wanted me to move into his house with him and his dad, just seemed to risky to me as if I moved in I would loose this rented property as the Housing Association would give to someone else, and if things went wrong I would have nowhere to live.

I think about maybe trying Internet Dating Again, not sure, maybe wait a bit.

Shirl

Have you thought about getting a low maintenance dog or a house plant you can keep around if you can't have pets? I've got Fred, my own little plant.

 

[Guest]

can imagine being without them

I mean can't imagine

Shirl

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Shirl,

I think you made a wise decision. It's a lot to live with someone--it's harder to love someone you live with. Their habits can quickly become annoying and small things seem magnified.
Why would this guy ask you to move in with him? Shouldn't you take it very slowly before living together?

 

[marsfilander]

I feel the same way. I'm 37, I did this career change and I've traveled and gone back to school again and again, always trying to reinvent myself. What I've ended up doing is breaking off friendships and removing myself from society. All I do now is work, try to avoid personal discussions because it's embarrassing to still be alone, play video games infrequently so boring to me now, wank, watch tv, sleep... I don't meet anyone I'm interested in dating. I guess I'm a freak, too young looking for my age, but not in a good way. Everyone thinks I'm weird and now that I've been alone for so long, I am kinda weird. Sometimes I just want to die.

 

[tony30]

I feel the same way. I'm 37, I did this career change and I've traveled and gone back to school again and again, always trying to reinvent myself. What I've ended up doing is breaking off friendships and removing myself from society. All I do now is work, try to avoid personal discussions because it's embarrassing to still be alone, play video games infrequently so boring to me now, wank, watch tv, sleep... I don't meet anyone I'm interested in dating. I guess I'm a freak, too young looking for my age, but not in a good way. Everyone thinks I'm weird and now that I've been alone for so long, I am kinda weird. Sometimes I just want to die.

Well if your looking for soothing and tender advice it isn't going to come from me because give or take the odd detail that's pretty much where I'm at so I would like pour you a glass of cyber bells malt whiskey....no that's too refined, how about a virtual tin of 'White Lightning' cider to capture the desperation and solitude of our mutual predicament and propose a toast to ennui and misery, bottoms up!

There are so many questions I ask myself incessantly. Where did it all go wrong? Am I a freak? The one that is currently doing the rounds is have I become too attatched to my comforts? But it all gets too much in the end, that feverish introspection. The boredom is what really tears at me though. Do you know that I've gone through periods in the recent past that have left me so jaded that even an erection (which is usually a glimmer of hope when you're stuck for a passtime) has become an unwanted distraction. Terrible! Sometimes you've just got to laugh at how pitiful it can get. Speaking of laughter you should read some of the stuff that I've written on the message boards here. I think after you inspect some of my rambling you'll very sharply re-evaluate the meaning of the word wierd.

Take it easy and try to learn how to enjoy yourself when your having a bad time.

 

[Guest]

Hi

We had been going out for 5 years, i think its probably my fault we broke up, we didnt go out frequently cus I couldnt spend much money as moneys always tight, and didnt want to move in because of the reasons I said above. If I had parents or brothers or sisters maybe that risk would be worth considering as I could stay with a parent then if things went wrong, but Im scared of losing everything.

I dont know whether to try the internet dating again or not, because I will probably get in the same situation, thou i wouldnt do it straight away if i do. I am normal looking, not stunning or goodlooking so noone will see me walking along the street.

Shirl





<<I think you made a wise decision. It's a lot to live with someone--it's harder to love someone you live with. Their habits can quickly become annoying and small things seem magnified.
Why would this guy ask you to move in with him? Shouldn't you take it very slowly before living together? >>

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Shirl,

You sound like a great lady. Not to get into politics, but you are a native Brit, right? I thought that the UK had this wonderful welfare system so native folks such as yourself wouldn't have to live in terror of being homeless! My blood boils at the thought of people being allowed to illegally enter the UK and get EVERYTHING paid for even if they have obviously false claims for asylum.

So, now what? You are 34. You are on the young end of life. You have your health (right?) You are not particularly beautiful but you are not plagued with being what our society might consider 'hideous.'

So, you are a young, healthy female! This is what many women would love to be! I think you need to get out of that soul-destroying job and have some adventure! Do you guys have a similar program to the Peace Corps as we do in the US? I believe you do...would you want to try living overseas doing charitable work? I am thinking somewhere that is both 'exotic' and safe, such as Thailand or China. Could you relocate to a beautiful country like Australia or New Zealand? With no family to hold you back, the world is your playground! You can live where you wish and do what you wish.

You are free to go where you wish and to be who you are.

 

[harmony]

I am not sure what to do, i just feel lonely and seeing other people happy with children etc makes it worse. I am 34, Female from England, i been feeling this way for quite some time now. My mum died in 1996 and my dad in 2001, i am an only child. I also hate my job which i have been there for 10 years, its an admin type job where i hate most of all is the filing work (70 to 100 papers a day i file) its getting me down now. The trouble is I pay rent and have bills to pay and scared to leave incase a new job doesnt work out as I have no financial backup (savings) or anyone to help me out if things go wrong. I feel trapped there. Also my only friend got married a few years ago and I hardly hear from her anymore, I cant think of the last time I seen her. I also recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years whom I met on the internet, but I could see that coming it wasnt going right for a long time. I would love to have a family but it will not happen now, not at my age. Im also scared to trust people because they hurt or leave me. If it wasnt for TV or computer games I wouldnt know what I would do. Its all a nightmare. I am off work this week, i took a few days off, I just had to get out of there.

Shirl

 

[lonelygirl]

Harmony,

Your comments aren't showing. Shirl, are you still here on this site? Come back and let us know!

 

[Guest]

Hey folks,

I just happen to be searching for information on leaving a job and i came across this article and what struck me was how the stories here mirror my life and how i'm desperate to try to turn things around.

I do 12 hour shifts, two days then right into two nights and then four off and i am somewhat adjusted after four years but recently ive had a stretch of days off and ive slept all nights, got up 6am and in bed before 11pm and ive felt rested when i woke up. I can clearly recall dreaming the past three nights and the last time i can remember having a DREAM let alone two in a row was well over four years ago, so I am really trying to see alternative employment, get out of the rut of working, getting paranoid to answer the phone on the days i do have off that i am not sleeping or up during the night because my sleep pattern is off, watching tv and being on a computer as my only forms of social interaction and entertainment since none of the few people i know drive and none of them even live in the same down as i do. (small town at that) so yeah, i feel for you folks, im 28 feeling like im trapped as hell.. work is going bad as well, its manufacturing and quite frankly has nothing to do with the schooling i took. Anyways thats my little rant, I wish you folks the best.

-Chris

 

[Cooljohn]

Here here Marsfilander and Tony30. Can I join the club? lol

Guest, I know exactly how you feel. The emotional pain can be excruciating indeed. Don't worry. We're all supporting you 200% here.

Please read my thread in the new members forum. You are not alone. Hugs.

 

[lonelygirl]

Chris, did you register yet?

Please, it's easy. You can also get emails and PMs that way.

LG