Emotional support... not.

[TrailerTrish]

I don't blame you Trish, and it sounds like you've found more of a father figure in your dad's friend who was there for you. That is what a parent should do, and with you taking care of him in his poor health is what a child should do. That's how a family should be.

And LOL @ the dummies book.

You know Sci, that's exactly where I'm at with this now, Doug has been better to me than my own father. He gave me a home to come to when I had nowhere else to go, he's been generous and kind to me, and very easy to live with. On the other hand my own father didn't bother ever contacting us, his children, for over 30 years, never paid any child support, and had we not looked him up we never would have seen him again. That's how much he really cared. That he now just writes me off so easily shows his true colors once again, those of a fair-weather father.

I am committed to caring for Doug for as long as he has left in this world and will not abandon him. He may not be able to work again, and I now have a decent job, so I'm sticking with the guy who has been better to me than my own family. He gets out of the hospital this weekend after knee replacement surgery, and I'll be doing all I can for him when not working.

Yeah, the fatherhood for dummies book would be a great response, if my dad was worth the postage to Mexico to send it to him.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It's sad. We want a father that is there for us and loves us but we don't ahve that, and just get dissapointed when we reach out for it and realize it's not there like we wish it would be.

Fathers. You can't replace them, even if they are shitty, they are still your dad and there will always be a little bit of sadness in your heart because you wish they were someone they weren't.

 

[TrailerTrish]

Yeah Sophie, I guess that's true, but the fact is I've always been alone, and my mother was even worse. Before she passed last February none of us had spoken to her in over 25 years, for very good reasons. I also have an older brother who is amazingly like our father, cold, autocratic, and controlling. Small wonder he's never had a single relationship with a woman and has no real friends. Over the years I've had to divorce my entire family and go it alone.

For me family has always been a negative thing.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I guess it's hard to make bonds with others if you were never taught that as a child. The first bonds you are supposed to make are with your family, but if that doesn't happen...yeah i can see how it could possibly affect someone to the point where they couldn't easily form relationships with others.

That being said, i really need to use the restroom and brush my teeth. I've finallyw ritten all I need to for my project for Islam in America.

 

[nerdygirl]

Fathers. You can't replace them, even if they are shitty, they are still your dad and there will always be a little bit of sadness in your heart because you wish they were someone they weren't.

Anybody can be a father, but only special people can be your Dad. I think her father is just a sperm donor, and Doug is her Dad.
~~
I'm always worried about something like this happening to my daughter later. I really hope she never bothers to get in touch with her father. He isn't worth it. I'm always afraid that he's going to try and get in touch with her at some point- especially if (God forbid) I died. She will be inheriting a lot from my mother, and I fear he would try to gain control of her estate.

 

[TrailerTrish]

You are right Nerdygirl, Doug has been more of a dad to me than my own father, or any of my stepfathers. The same is true of mothers, and mine could only be called that because she just happened to be present during gestation. She was never a mom to me, or any of us.

Sophie makes a very good point, that after growing up in family like mine was it's very hard to make bonds with others. You end up with serious trust issues and stunted social skills. I suspect that's common among those posting here. Sadly there's no easy remedy for it.