Everyone Hate Me

[Xlim]

Hi, I am new to this forum

Here some small info about myself:

My name is Mike
I am 19 years old
I live in CA
My sign is Capricorn

I just wanted to say first off that no one really love me. When I was 7, my dad left my mom and grab some bitches during one of his trip. He is a Trucker btw, and I am pretty sure he was also involve in some form of prostitution or another. I actually caught him once with an underage teen holding hand. I was of course to young to understand what that could mean. Anyway A few days after my dad left my mom, my mom began to resent me. She blame me for everything that my dad does. She said straight out to my face "That I am a mistake, and that it was an unplanned pregnancy". I always knew my mom hated me, and it hurt so much. Truthfully my dad left my mom because he couldn't commit to having a child and ruining his whole life. He want to experience more of life rather than having to settle. My first year of school was horrible, as for some reason none of the kids seem to like me. I guess the few years before that, I was going on a rampage mood. I felt everything in my life has fall apart. My mom obviously did not want me to be home, so she tend to lock the door until midnight. A few week later, my mom decided that she couldn't bare to look at me anymore and told me "that I am no longer her son". That week she left for Las Vegas, and I haven't seen her in a few months. I probably should have been in a foster home, but I wasn't sure what was the best option at that time. I manage somehow to do well in school. I hardly see my mom now a day, and now that I am finally going to college, it felt like the worst day of my life. However my mom was so happy that I was moving to college that before the first week before college start, she move all my stuff in 4 different suitcase, and said "she was willing to pay the extra charge for overweight luggage. I wish I knew forum like these exists, because I have not once gone back home since I been here. I spent thanksgiving and Christmas alone on campus. It is such a miserable life I lead. I have no friend, no parent, no girlfriend, and no life.

I really don't know where my life will lead. I continue to struggle paying for college, and I fear that if I don't make enough money working, then I will have to quit out of college, and my future will be ruin.

Can suicide be an option for me?

Please reply to me, of course I'm pretty sure everyone hate me. I never ever talk to any one online, so I hope I can make some online friends.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I think that you're actually a remarkably brave man for enduring what you have been going through, and still holding on. I don't know if suicide is ever an option, but I definitely believe that its not the right one for you. You're working and supporting yourself for your own future - if that isn't admirable and amazing, I don't know what is.

Can you can get financial support? And I'm an accident, too. So I know what it feels like to be called that. The best I can say is that you'll realize that the codition of your birth doesn't make you who you are. We're good people, regardless of how accidentally we came about.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
IO

 

[Zaitsku]

Hey Mike,

I'm new to this forum too ^^ in fact, this will be my first post. but anyway...

I totally agree w/ IgnoredOne, it's really cool that you've been able to get through all that you have, and it really is admirable and amazing. I have to say that I can't really know what you went through, as I haven't experienced anything like that...but reading what you said....i can empathize with you and certainly feel a loneliness like you do.

I'm actually in college too, a sophomore. So at least i know what that's kinda like at the moment. It's really cool that you're trying to support yourself while doing it. Power to you ^^

No, no suicide for you if you want someone to talk to, i'll be happy to talk to you. just PM me and i'll give you my SN hope to hear from you.

 

[Kristen]

Mike, why everyone hates u? U havent met everyone yet. Suicide is not an option because by killing urself ur depriving urself of future joy that u will experience. If the family ur born into was not successful marriage u one day, after finishing college, will crate ur own , ur wife and kids and grandkids, u will create ur own happiness. Forget them, they are past. Work hard for what u want and u'll create ur own family where u all will love each other. U can make it happen.
lol...I was a mistake too, my parents had to get married in first year of med school because of me. I was ignored all the time as a child because they were 20 yerolds in school ,knew nothing about children except were pros is making them. I lived in dorm with them, they hid me and when I was 2years old left me alone in dorm cause they had anatomy to work on and corpses to dissect..I was a burden...playing with some strange scissors they used in operating rooms... I felt unloved..it sucked. But so what, I grew up and screwed up and with some mistakes that I've made Im actually happy because I've learned lots about life. Now I learned to love myself since no one else would. I live my own life do what I want and care less what everyone thinks of me. The best thing in the world is to love urself.


and as ImnesiacInsomniac already said:

Everyone gets a turn even though it seems like you never will.

I agree 100%

 

[Bluey]

Hi and welcome Xlim. Am gonna move this to the new members forum if that's ok with you I think it well be better of there.

 

[Xlim]

Thank you all for your reply. You don't know how much it meant to me. Anyway I am not feeling suicidal or ever have been, but I'm just considering all my option. Amazingly I don't feel too depress. Most of the time my school work and work take up most of my times so depression doesn't lurk into my head that often.

Anyway I was billed $200 dollar in lab $ X-ray recently in which was send off-campus that I was not inform off. Anything that is not send off-campus is free, and vice versa. I now have to take on 2 jobs plus the heavy amount of workload for school.

And yes I am currently seeing a therapist at school. There is really nothing wrong with me. I am as healthy as any person. My depression is only minor so therefore my therapist did not prescribe any medication for me. They really couldn't figure out an answer for me, and since I don't have any real problem, there no point in seeing any more therapist. That is what my therapist told me.

 

[Xlim]

Hi and welcome Xlim. Am gonna move this to the new members forum if that's ok with you I think it well be better of there.

I don't mind at all.

 

[mimizu]

I don't hate you. Welcome.

 

[mink]

Hey Xlim, welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear of what you've been through in life. Wish I could express some words of comfort or something but I'm at a loss for words. Just hope that you'll be fine and that things will turn out fine for you too.

 

[toxic-tears]

hi xlim.. welcome to the forum..

all i could say is.. just keep it up what your doing.. just don't think about ruinning your life.. but you know what, i envy you though because your on your own. and at the young age i bet you took responsibility of yourself alread and thats a great thing.. And don't think that no one loves you. God loves you. And in the long way there are people that will love you too. be comfortable to post in this forum.. coz we are here to help and talk to you..

 

[Xlim]

hi xlim.. welcome to the forum..

all i could say is.. just keep it up what your doing.. just don't think about ruinning your life.. but you know what, i envy you though because your on your own. and at the young age i bet you took responsibility of yourself alread and thats a great thing.. And don't think that no one loves you. God loves you. And in the long way there are people that will love you too. be comfortable to post in this forum.. coz we are here to help and talk to you..

I don't think God exist, and I don't think he love me. If God did exist, then he must be the devil also, for causing so many people with so much grief, suffering, and pain in a complex society.

Please don't mention the name God anymore.

 

[toxic-tears]

hi xlim.. welcome to the forum..

all i could say is.. just keep it up what your doing.. just don't think about ruinning your life.. but you know what, i envy you though because your on your own. and at the young age i bet you took responsibility of yourself alread and thats a great thing.. And don't think that no one loves you. God loves you. And in the long way there are people that will love you too. be comfortable to post in this forum.. coz we are here to help and talk to you..

I don't think God exist, and I don't think he love me. If God did exist, then he must be the devil also, for causing so many people with so much grief, suffering, and pain in a complex society.

Please don't mention the name God anymore.

ok!.. sorry for mentioning it..

 

[Qui]

Hey Xlim. I'm in CA too, and a capricorn. Anyway... welcome to lonelylife.