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Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

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bella00

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I have had chronic loneliness for years. I try very hard to make social connections, but I take days to recover and feel exhausted afterwards, feeling like people didn't like me, or that my loneliness is so obvious that it is repelling. This leads me to not follow through, wishing someone would reach out to me. I am so tired from trying and not getting a response and not knowing how to be seen.

I long for my ex who stopped talking with me when my dad died from cancer last year because he was overwhelmed with his depression, because he was the only person that saw me at one time. I have so many stuck feelings here and all the pain and isolation from grief and the pandemic made my body shut down and I spend most of the time exhausted doing very little. I don't know where to get support from, and struggle to give it to myself. Any good feeling is followed soon by a much worse feeling of isolation. I am 30 and unemployed and can't find the energy to get my life going.

Does anyone else feel like trying to push through to connect has the opposite effect?

thank you
 

bella00

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Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it.

I meet people but I struggle to maintain relationships and get tired of trying and failing. I do feel I try too hard, but feel desperate for change, connection and support so it is confusing.
 

Trevor

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Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it.

I meet people but I struggle to maintain relationships and get tired of trying and failing. I do feel I try too hard, but feel desperate for change, connection and support so it is confusing.
Hey @TheRealCallie

She seems to give good advice. She may be of better help than me.
 

TheRealCallie

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It sounds like you might be projecting your feelings outward, which could be causing you to not make connections. The negativity does not help. That falls into the whole self prophecy thing.
Obviously the simple answer is to not give up because if you do, you'll never find what you need/want. This forum is a good place to find support, so you have that going for you.
As for in the outside world, are you tied where you are? A change of scenery might be helpful, as long as you don't expect it to be a magical/instant fix. I would say make sure you are doing things that have your interest. For example, if you like bowling, join a bowling league. If you like animals, maybe volunteer at a shelter. I always recommend volunteering because it's true when you help others, you are helping yourself. It builds confidence and makes you feel good about yourself, all the while helping others. It's just a win-win situation.
 

Leapof_Faith

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Bella00, your 2nd paragraph is bears much similarly to my present situation.
I think grief takes over sometimes, whether you like it or not. Just learning to live and adjust to the now. So much self-compassion needed.
Low self-esteem can be such a sabboteur to connecting with others. It takes time to build it, patience and self-acceptance.
Keep reaching out for support for your losses - there are many good telephone helplines that are worth the courage to call.
Know that just as your ex gave you attention and care, you too can give it to yourself because you do deserve it. The most worthwhile emotional investment is with ourself. Forgive yourself. Good luck.
 

bella00

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Thank you all for your responses, it means a lot. I do experience some good periods, so best to hang on to that possibility and be very nice and patient with myself like you say.

best wishes to all
 

sunflowergirl1306

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Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it.

I meet people but I struggle to maintain relationships and get tired of trying and failing. I do feel I try too hard, but feel desperate for change, connection and support so it is confusing.
I know how that feels,I'm not very good at advice,but for me personally I just like to spend my time by myself and with my animals.
 

Keep_Going

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Set small goals for yourself so you don't feel overwhelmed. If all you do tomorrow is think positive for five minutes, congratulate yourself and set a goal for six minutes the next day. If you text someone you haven't heard from in a long time and they don't text back straight away, don't take it to heart.
 

Sir Joseph

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Bella00, you're in good company here with most of us struggling for more and better relationships. As a lifetime single, I've found it takes a committed assertiveness to reach out to people for new relationship prospects. And for me, it's taken extraordinary one-sided effort to maintain any of the relationships I've made. It requires intentional effort and a willingness to give a lot to get only a little back.

I encourage you though not to give up. Life is about relationships, and each one we pursue is an opportunity to shape and build our character, to show love to others, and to ultimately store up rewards in heaven for doing so - should you choose to go there. I've found that focusing on giving rather than getting back is an effective way to manage the reality of peoples' general, uncaring nature. It's like, you're the lamp going into a dark room of hurting people. Whether they realize it, appreciate it, or respond favorably or not, you've touched their lives in a worthwhile way - and enriched yours in the process. God likes that.
 

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