Fantasy?

[afreakingowl]

I just got out of a relationship yesterday where the girl tried to friendzone me. Her reasoning was that she didn't feel sparks when we kissed or held hands and stuff. We have only been dating for a short time and I thought that we weren't taking it seriously we shouldn't be feeling that stuff. Is it right to blow off dating if you don't feel "sparks" really early? Or is all the "sparks" thing fantasy?

 

[Dissident]

Tell her that you thought she wasn't taking it seriously anyway? I don't know man. Pretty much every girl I dated in my teens pulled this. It usually turned out that I was just the in-between guy so the girl didn't feel lonely while she looked for "real" boyfriends. Try to go all-in with it. If that doesn't do it she's probably already talking to someone else. Or maybe I'm just a bitter cynic.

 

[jetsuo]

To be honest a spark is an inportant thing i feel, otherwise you are just going though the motions.
Allot of relationships breakdown when the spark goes, so i feel its better to do it early than later.

 

[9006]

I just got out of a relationship yesterday where the girl tried to friendzone me. Her reasoning was that she didn't feel sparks when we kissed or held hands and stuff. We have only been dating for a short time and I thought that we weren't taking it seriously we shouldn't be feeling that stuff. Is it right to blow off dating if you don't feel "sparks" really early? Or is all the "sparks" thing fantasy?

Sounds more like she was testing you, really.

 

[Regumika]

The rainbows and unicorns. fireworks and sparks. They are not just for females, males feel those too. It is not fantasy, but not everyone feels them the same way.

It's just harder to distinguish with males because.. males use less of their head on their shoulder than females, if you know what I mean >_>;

 

[Moe'sTavern]

What is this "spark" I keep hearing about? Sounds dangerous.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What is this "spark" I keep hearing about? Sounds dangerous.

Hello Mike's twin, Moe. (You guys even have the same letter for your names!)

Hmm.. the spark can be lethal if not careful.

To be honest a spark is an inportant thing i feel, otherwise you are just going though the motions.
Allot of relationships breakdown when the spark goes, so i feel its better to do it early than later.

Won't the spark usually die off after some time?

 

[kamya]

Won't the spark usually die off after some time?

Yes. And usually faster for one side than the other.

 

[perfanoff]

Sparks? What sparks?
...
So you don't get her excited?

Her loss bro.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

If they're not into you, there's nothing you can do about that. It's not a matter of "being right". She's telling you her truth.

Also: "sparks" are real. Sometimes mutual, sometimes not.

 

[Smokey]

Relationships can be difficult and sometimes, they can take a while to form and mature.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Won't the spark usually die off after some time?

Yes. And usually faster for one side than the other.

Hmmm..

Relationships can be difficult and sometimes, they can take a while to form and mature.

Hmmm.....

 

[PyramidHead]

Did somebody say "spark"?

Well, nothing wrong with living the fantasy... better risk it than to regret that you haven't risked it.
But if you don't feel like this will have a future, then this may not be the way you want to go. Don't you think, too?

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Hello Mike's twin, Moe. (You guys even have the same letter for your names!)
Hmm.. the spark can be lethal if not careful.

Lol, I thought we settled this twin thing already. And thanks for the warning, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for these sparks <.<

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Generally, sparks is a mood or feeling. It can fade, but sometimes the embers are better than the fire.

Ditching your relationship after a period of time, because the sparks faded, is not a very good excuse. She should have tried to start them up again. It takes two to make a relationship work.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hello Mike's twin, Moe. (You guys even have the same letter for your names!)
Hmm.. the spark can be lethal if not careful.

Lol, I thought we settled this twin thing already. And thanks for the warning, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for these sparks <.<

Nah, how can this twin thing ever be settled if you're never going to admit it?

Generally, sparks is a mood or feeling. It can fade, but sometimes the embers are better than the fire.

Ditching your relationship after a period of time, because the sparks faded, is not a very good excuse. She should have tried to start them up again. It takes two to make a relationship work.

Hmm. How does one keep the spark going then?

 

[Mike413]

If a woman tries to put you in the friend zone you can do a few things. You can buy into her reality and go along with it and be her friend(only do this if it's what you really want though), you just say "nah, I'm good" or "I have friends, I don't need any more" or you can stay in touch with her just barely. Kind of forget about her then start over about six months later. But if you do the last one you really have to turn on the heat and make it known that this is her last chance.

 

[ajdass1]

It depends what you're looking for. Personally I think 'spark' is incredibly important to me right now. If she's not getting that from you, then I don't know what to tell you other than that I'm glad she was honest with you and told you straight up what was wrong.

People are all different as to who gives them that spark. I'm sure there is someone who will get sparks from you even though that's not much of a comfort right now. Just... don't get all pissy with her, right? It shouldn't have to ruin your friendship.