lilE
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2015
- Messages
- 257
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I think I reached a point of no return. I have been in this episode for 6 months now. Each month getting worse and worse. Therapy was not helping me anymore and I have been trying medications since December and none of them helped me either, they just made me feel more depressed, numb, dead, flat, empty. I am thinking I might be better off not taking any medications. I can’t even find a new therapist to treat me, none of them have gotten back to me and few take my insurance. And some are even telling me to go inpatient or partial hospitalization. I went inpatient for a week last month and they put me on meds that did nothing but made me feel worse than before. I feel I have given up all hope and will to live, like I would be fine if I died right now, or if someone put me out of my misery. I feel I am beyond help, nothing gets through to me anymore. Everyday is anxiety, depression, desperation, loneliness, isolation. I spend almost all of my time in my room alone in front of my computer. And when I go out and am around people, it does nothing for me at all, in fact I get more anxious, depressed, paranoid, and uncomfortable around people, a very surreal experience. Talking to people one on one is easier for me but I have very few people to do that with, and it doesn’t help as much as it used to. Nothing helps.
At the age of 30 I feel I have reached the end of my life as I know it, that there is nothing after this. I find myself alone and abandoned. People that I used to talk to have stopped talking to me because I just keep getting worse and worse and I guess people get tired or just give up on me. The duration of this will try anyone’s patience, and the fact that it is only getting worse and worse. Nobody wants to invest in something that is doomed to fail, this not only includes friends, but family and even professionals. I have nothing to look forward to and everyday is the same, with no end in sight, there are never any happy moments or relief of any kind. And no hope or nothing to look forward to in the near future. This is torture, like a living nightmare, pure hell, and it is lasting for what feels like an eternity. I am so scared and feel my life is over.
At the age of 30 I feel I have reached the end of my life as I know it, that there is nothing after this. I find myself alone and abandoned. People that I used to talk to have stopped talking to me because I just keep getting worse and worse and I guess people get tired or just give up on me. The duration of this will try anyone’s patience, and the fact that it is only getting worse and worse. Nobody wants to invest in something that is doomed to fail, this not only includes friends, but family and even professionals. I have nothing to look forward to and everyday is the same, with no end in sight, there are never any happy moments or relief of any kind. And no hope or nothing to look forward to in the near future. This is torture, like a living nightmare, pure hell, and it is lasting for what feels like an eternity. I am so scared and feel my life is over.