Feeling of incompleteness at night

[eyesonly]

So I go through the day, trying to get things done, and succeeding or not to varying degrees. Nighttime comes and I get ready to "settle in" for the evening, etc. But there's a problem. I can't go to bed. It's just this feeling of incompleteness, like I can't give up the day yet.

I check to see if I've gotten any responses from forums I'm on, maybe listen to some music or something. I feel like I'm looking for something, or waiting for something to happen. I don't know. I ask myself, "What do you want? What are you looking for?" I don't have an answer. Then it occurs to me: "There are no PEOPLE." I haven't had any real social interaction - just dealing with the unscrupulous people at work and maybe a brief informational phone call to someone. I think the feeling of restlessness or incompleteness, at least a lot of it, is a reaction to this lack of fulfilling interaction with other people.

I start to get worried - it's late, and I have to go to bed. I have a long way to drive to work in the morning, and I have to leave really early. But still there's this void. Sometimes I'll win the battle and get myself in bed. Other nights I stay up way too late wasting time online in various ways and go to work sleep deprived. I keep trying to fill the void however I can, but it doesn't seem to work. There are no people.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Do you live alone? Do you come home to an empty, quiet house each and every night? I do and I am definitely feeling a lot of incompleteness with not much happening and it's turned into a depression for me. But I'm going to do something about it. Does your employer offer the EAP (employee assistance program). Mine does. I can get 8 free counseling sessions.

I think we have to be the ones to make something happen. But it's a puzzle and we have to figure out how to solve it.

 

[Tiina63]

A feeling of incompleteness and an empty void inside are common features of loneliness. I feel them every day at some point or another. It can be so hard to really connect with other people, to be able to be open and to be accepted. As alonewith2cats says, it is down to us to change things, but it is a puzzle to know how.

 

[Lady X]

I do get that a lot, but mines slightly different.

I am happily married, but I have a job that I totally hate, and don't really have any friends that I can hang out with.

So I get up, go do the job that just kills my soul (and I cant really escape from) then come home.

From that point on, its like a ticking clock counting down to when I have to go back to that hell hole. At night I know that as soon as I close my eyes, the next thing coming is getting up and having to go back there.

At the moment I'm off ill, and it says a lot that I really prefer being sick to being there.

My work for me is a seriously considerable aspect of my depression, but I'm stuck there as I just cant find other work.

So it's like trying to get the most out of my outside-work life crammed in, but then realising that cause I don't have much of a life, there really isn't much to cram in other than TV and internet forums

Life really sucks.

 

[eyesonly]

Alonewith2cats -
Yes, I live alone as well. And my home is also empty every night (mine's an apartment, though). It's not always quiet, but they aren't the kinds of sounds you really want to hear (people walking, noise down through the ceiling, etc.)
Depression: Yes. I've already gone the rounds with therapists, etc., and ended up feeling kind of disillusioned by it, so I don't think I'll be taking that route (which is not to say that you shouldn't try it out - people sometimes find their answers in different places and some therapists are a lot better than others). I find that I personally seem to get better results from reading good books that are in some way related to dealing with depression, exercise, eating decently, etc. And of course regulating my sleep helps a lot, but that can be kind of hard when I end up staying up late (as I mentioned in the first post).

Tiina63 -
You bring up a really relevant issue about connecting with people - how to be open with them about all your "faults", issues, etc. and still be accepted. Everyone has so many opinions and judgements about everyone else. It seems really hard to escape sometimes.

Lady X -
My current job situation is kind of weird. The job itself isn't that bad - kind of slow, usually not too stressful. But a lot of the situations I've had to deal with involving co-workers have been HORRIBLE! I've often found myself dreading work for that reason alone. So, yeah, I also find work problems to be a contributing factor in the depression I have. And I've often come to the same conclusion you do about life just kind of sucking in general (although I guess it's probably more accurate to say "life is what you make it", "it all depends on how you look at it," and all those other sayings that usually don't make you feel much better when you're in a bad place mentally).

 

[Tiina63]

I hate those sort of expressions 'Life is what you make it' etc. As you say, they don't usually make you feel better when you are in a bad place mentally. They actually make me feel worse, because they imply that I am at fault in some way for feeling the way I do, so I then add feelings of guilt to the depression/emptiness etc.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I hate those sort of expressions 'Life is what you make it' etc. As you say, they don't usually make you feel better when you are in a bad place mentally. They actually make me feel worse, because they imply that I am at fault in some way for feeling the way I do, so I then add feelings of guilt to the depression/emptiness etc.

Yes, that does sound insensitive. But I believe we do have power to make things better. It's just that we are stuck in a puzzle or maze and don't which way to turn, what do do or what we need to do to solve our own puzzles, to make our own lives better. And it's all individual. There is a path we need to take and we haven't found it yet. People shouldn't judge others, they should just say "This person hasn't figured out how to solve his/her puzzle yet." That's how I see it.

 

[Peaches]

Sometimes I really miss a cat or a dog at home to make my life miserable and funny.

 

[Dynasty]

I know how you must feel. I get quite lonely at night and my way of dealing with it is to leave all the televisions on in the house. It takes away the silence.

I also have to go to work early and since I was young I've always struggled to get to sleep. My mind never stops and eventually it's breakfast time again. Adding to this is the fact that I have to go in when there's an emergency at work and am expected to drop everything I'm doing.

It's my day off today thank god but there's always that possibility so I'm never fully relaxed.

 

[quintus]

To eyes only.
Yes-during the day you do whatever it is you have to do. Then you go home, close the door- and there it is: the great blue emptiness. I think I know exatly what you are talking about. As you do, I try to "get away" by reading. Preferably nothing problematic or concerning the problem in question. Literature is a nice way to escape. In my case I even work alone (and I like my work,) and I reckon that may be a blessing, in a way. Superficial contacts and exchanges are definitely not what I'm looking for. Or what I miss. Unfortunately I can't think of a remedy for this emptiness. Either you find your "âme soeur" or you don't.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sorry to hear how lonely you are. And I know what you mean by talking to someone at night. I was looking for the same thing but whenever I talked to someone I could never get comfy with anyone really. Work sounds like it has a toll on you. What kind of job is it? Is it a stressful environment?

A year ago I worked at Walmart and that place took a great toll on me and made my depression a lot worse. And realized I get affected by certain environments. One thing I'll say, when you look for things online you'll only upset yourself. Do you enjoy reading? Maybe reading a book will help you sleep better. As for feeling lonely, I can say I relate. I tried to connect to people and after awhile my trust for them came into question. But I will say this I though, I thought I'd never meet anyone I could feel connected with. Now I have someone apart of my life who knows me better than anyone else. And I hope you find the same thing. cause everyone deserves happiness.

 

[eyesonly]

WallflowerGirl83 -

Thanks for your supportive words. Actually, the work part of my job really isn't too stressful; the main problem is some of the manipulative and dishonest people I've had to work with. But I'm working on ways to be able to co-exist better with them, while at the same time not allowing myself to be sucked into their dysfunctional games.

I love reading. I'm sure it would be a much better way to spend my time at night than going online. Getting on the computer is so much easier sometimes, though. Even though I really enjoy books, it can take effort to read, especially if what you're reading is more for information than "entertainment." I need to keep at it, though. So many things I want to do in life depend on reading for me.

 

[Lefty Lonely]

I have fits if theres nothing to watch on TV at night. Sometimes I pace around the house if I cant settle down and relax. at times I come to the chat room here but it's hit or miss if people talk in there. Thankfully at the moment there is stuff to watch but not indefinitely

 

[R2349]

Reading can also be a bit tough to enjoy when you're already feeling like you need human interaction. The only thing that works for me, sometimes, is to play upbeat music, to get into a better mood before trying to sleep. Sometimes it ends up making me feel worse, though, so idk. Definitely know where you're coming from, feeling like you can't let the day go without something to make it more complete.

 

[beetrootsoup]

I get where you're coming from. It's an insecure feeling getting ready to bed down at night in an empty house and an empty bed. Human beings were just not designed to live this way, let's face it. Electronic forms of communication cannot possibly fill this hole. Our entire organism is screaming for belonging, for company, for another (at least one) human consciousness to share with.

 

[eyesonly]

I get where you're coming from. It's an insecure feeling getting ready to bed down at night in an empty house and an empty bed. Human beings were just not designed to live this way, let's face it. Electronic forms of communication cannot possibly fill this hole. Our entire organism is screaming for belonging, for company, for another (at least one) human consciousness to share with.

Well said, and I agree with you. Thanks for posting it.

 

[Lefty Lonely]

Well said, it must make us exceptionally strong for continuing to endure the absence of that. Most of my life has been that way, so I guess I'm better equipped than someone more recently thrust into such loneliness. It's the thinking part, the dwelling on it part that can truly erode at our mental well being, so better continue to try to reach out to others in real life, post here, read, watch TV, hobbies, anything than let it eat away at you. It's difficult no doubt, but I for one still continue to wake up every morning. Thankfully, lately less depressed than just recently. I will do all I can to keep it that way.

 

[Gutted]

I think for you to be able to help yourself, you have to be open to new things. How far will you go to meet new people? Would you Volunteer? Would you go out to Pubs & Clubs? Would you go Speed Dating? The more you're willing to do, the better. I myself am not that open to a lot of things. But luckily I am pretty much always happy. It takes a lot to get me down.