Feeling trapped in solitude

[Wabisabi]

I’m 48M living on Australia’s GoldCoast.
Moved here to take employment.
Recently divorced, new job, new city, feeling incredibly lonely.
20 marriage ended because I couldn’t continue being a victim of verbal, physical, but worse of all - emotional abuse. I was emotionally held hostage.
So here I am, no friends, great difficulty making friends and feeling trapped in solitude & loneliness.
I’m quite personable. Well liked, if not popular at work. Have regular positive/ friendly interactions with people when there is a reason to do so such as with retail workers. But when it comes to engaging with people without a pre existing justification, I freeze up. I feel like a creep or predator. It’s just bizarre .
Online dating is killing me, mixed signals and being ghosted is taking its toll.
Tried Meetup once, it was ok. I’m feeling in a hell of a rut at the moment.
I’m a recovering alcoholic (three years sober), so bars & night clubs aren’t an option.
With the exception of crippling loneliness, I have a good life. Have a great diet & spend as much time outdoors as possible, alone.
I live in a beautiful part of the world, surrounded by beautiful people, but feel incredibly lonely.
I’m really worried about the effect this is having on my physical & mental health.
Sorry about the negativity, but I’ve got no one to share this with.

 

[constant stranger]

If connecting with people works better when there's a "pre existing justification" maybe you should go with that....look for structured venues where people deliberately gather, like with public service volunteering or something like that.
Or sobriety meetings maybe.
There's adult education.....night classes....woodworking or cookery or something.
It's just a thought.
Don't worry about the negativity, this forum has seen it before.

 

[Erasercrumbs]

A 20 year routine must have been really difficult to break out of. Stay strong!

 

[TheWalkingDead]

There's no negativity there, just facts really!  We need to feel connected to other people, but making those connections is hard, and indeed there are both good and bad aspects to online.  This forum is a good place, dating online for many, can be soul destroying.

I suppose the feeling you get when surrounded by people but unable to connect is generated by the busyness of everyone - used to be you could talk to people anywhere, in a station or on a train, but now everyone is headphones on, eyes glued to screen, wrapped in their own bubble, seems everyone has their own world and you're not part of it, sometimes.

Don't know what the Meetups are like where you are, but it might be worth trying again - I have been to some awful ones but then found one that clicked more.

Good luck and G'day, mate!

 

[pinocio]

Hi ,
welcome to All.