Feeling worthless

[JAYtheMAGNIFICENT]

Anyone else out there like me?
Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
Anyone else out there like me?

 

[echo]

Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?

I feel worthless a lot, especially when family/"friends" treat me like I'm worthless...which is always. Some people are just cruel because they want to be cruel, like how since I was 2-3 years old my mom would tell me that I would never be loved and that I don't deserve anyone to care about me and even though I'm almost 20 years old she's still saying it every day! So yes, I do sometimes believe what these types of cruel people say,that I don't deserve any affection or kindness especially since people in my life keep pounding the idea into my head,right? But I need to remember the reality and the reality is that the idea that I'm unlovable is not true and since it's NOT true then what they say is invalid! Period.

Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?

Yeah, whenever someone acts like they want to spend time with me or talk to me, I immediately think that it's because they're actually sadistic and they want to hurt me and sure enough, it's true and I get hurt and then I get even more distrusting. I can't give up though, I can't give up, sooner or later I'm going to meet someone or more people that will truly want to spend time with me for all the right reasons! Sooner or later someone is going to care about me...sure do I believe that right now? No but it is still a possibility I focus on that possibility and it makes me feel better.

Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?

Has anyone in the past ever truly loved me? No. Does anyone love me now? No. Will anyone ever truly love me in the future? It could be a possibility. I mean, yeah my negativity makes me believe that nobody will ever care about me and yeah it's totally possible that I will die very lonely but nobody knows what the future holds, even if you truly believe that you're the most unlovable person in the world, there is bound to be someone who would prove to you otherwise. I mean, there is so much love in this world, everyone is capable of being loved, there is no one that is unlovable.

Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?

Yeah, I stay away from people because I am a complete waste of their time and I've been told that too! I've been told everything under the sun, I've been told that I was never loved, I've been told that I will never be loved, I've been told that I'm a total waste of their precious time, I've been told that I'm worthless, useless, piece of honeysuckle, good for nothing, annoying, I'm a total burden. All from people that are close to me who call themselves family or friends and what did I ever do to deserve such treatment? Nothing, I've done nothing wrong, I'm nothing but nice and caring and helpful and accepting and even loving and all I get is pain in return and sure, I do understand the reasoning behind people who call me burdensome or annoying and such but it's their opinion, that's all it is, it does not mean that I will be burdensome or annoying to every single other person in the world.

So yeah, I stay away from people because I am a total waste of time, total burden, worthless to the people in my life...BUT none of that matters! That's the thing, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if people hurt you, it doesn't matter if people don't love you or say you're a piece of honeysuckle, people will be monsters just because they can and they don't matter! Those people don't matter, what I need to focus on is on meeting people that will care about me and will love to be with me, yeah I doubt that will ever happen but I just gotta keep hoping, hope hope hope with passion!
What I'm trying to say is, if people don't seem to like you or they find you unpleasant whether justified or not, it is not the end of you, forget those people and try to find the ones that will welcome you and make you feel like yourself.

I love myself, I would not change myself for anything in the world. I love myself and that is what matters. I started to learn to love myself and I swear to you, it makes all the difference. Even if people say to your face that you're worthless, if you love yourself...that is all that matters and sooner or later there will be people that will love you too. All the negativity needs to take a back seat, the future has yet to show itself so just keep trying, keep trying even if you get hurt, even if people tell to your face that you're worthless and unlovable, even if you continue feeling worthless, keep remembering the fact, the truth, the reality that you can be cherished, that you are meaningful, that you are deserving of love, always remember that.

This post was long..oops. ._.

 

[JAYtheMAGNIFICENT]

Wow, great post! Thanks for such a thoughtful response, a lot to think about in there!

 

[Nina]

echo...
Amazing post...A lot of wisdom in those words...

 

[sadface]

Anyone else out there like me?
Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
Anyone else out there like me?

I question these things every day, and they do continue to boggle the mind, but I get up everyday like everyone else and move on, in the hopes that the questions will change the day I do find someone someday.

It won't be me thinking I don't deserve love or friendship - it'll be me wondering how I got so lucky.

It won't be me sulking, thinking no one wants to spend time with me - it'll be me being thankful they do.

Or how I got so lucky to find love.

Or how amazing this someone is who can put up with me.

I know these things will change.

Someday.

 

[ShybutHi]

Sigh.

 

[StonedHitman]

Anyone else out there like me?
Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
Anyone else out there like me?

All of the above

 

[Cereal]

Q. Anyone else out there like me?
A. Exceedingly so, it may not seem like it but there are alot of people going through similar experiences - with close to 7 billion people on the planet, the odds are that theres alot more than you think. It's just so **** hard to find them, that's why I love this site.

Q. Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
A. Absolutely.

Q. Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
A. Definately annoyance, from both me, and the people around me - I get annoyed easily when I see people completely mistake distress or anxiety with rudeness or arrogance, I really do hate that, and of course they get annoyed by the whole situation aswell.

Personally I havn't met anyone in person who has been through the same struggles as I have, but documentaries and various websites shown me that we are not alone on this crazy little rock.

 

[mrmosaic]

Have those feelings daily. I question myself every second. Why do I look different? Why do I feel like crying so much? Why are my interests and wants different? Why am I me? Are there others out there who will understand? Does anyone care? Why would anyone want anything to do with me what is ther to offer?

I find when I do open up about my depression to people I think are willing to be there for me they run away. I do force myself to get out and socialize sometimes.

I totally understand how you feel!! You are NOT alone.

 

[Nina]

MrM--Sometimes folks can't get a grip on their own issues so the issues of others makes them uncomfortable. EVERYONE has issues. Some are just better at masking them than others or pretending they don't exist.... You'll find lots of folks in here who care.

 

[Griselda]

The world is so busy and fast-paced nowadays, everyone rushes around and elbows other people out of the way, greed is good and niceness to others is for wimps ...

Unfortunately that is the way the world appears to be heading, with people reluctant to allow their kinder side to surface too much. Some people of course are simply sadists and knowingly put others down (echo's post gives very good examples), but many people are just indifferent to the feelings of others and so act in a careless, cold manner, which makes the more sensitive feel shut out, not worth other people's attention. I deplore this as much as anyone, but it's hard to see what we can do about it. Maybe the best thing is to remember that people who come across as nasty or vindictive have definitely got issues of their own, far more problems than the people they're being nasty to. They are the ones who may well end up unloved and alone, as no one wants someone with a heart of stone for a friend or partner.

Just remember: every person is important, every person is worthy of love and respect. You may not have much confidence, but lack of confidence doesn't make you unlovable. Hold your head up high (not so high that you're looking down on others, of course!) and refuse to allow yourself to be intimidated by other, lesser people.

 

[Lawrens]

Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
Yes, I avoid people, even on the internet, I feel uncomfortable around them, I don't have anything to share with them, and it feels like I don't deserve to be friends with them as I just can't keep up with them, I can't tell them why I think like that in fear that they might reject me, and since I can't tell anyone anything, I'm always just pretending, if that is the case, I may as well not be there.

Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Yes, a terrible idea to be with a person like me. You don't want to be with me.

Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Yes, I see absolutely no redeeming values about myself.

Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
No, I usually just go away and be quiet so I don't annoy them.

 

[burndownmyhouse]

Anyone else out there like me?
Hi.

Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
I almost killed myself believing this. I still don't feel I deserve them, but I feel I am capable and that someone would be damned lucky to know me instead of another clone. A wonderful lie, but progress I suppose.

Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
It must be objectively ridiculous because I have to go well out of my way for it to ever to occur. It never has with the opposite sex. I always find a way to make the honeysuckle just way too awkward, namely by being myself it seems.

Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
The thought of someone loving me; if they were able to not gag upon my sight or to convulse into oblivion from laughter or from fright. The thought brings up merely silent resignation and blistering rage. I laugh only now because it reminds me that I'm still breathing.

Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
No question. I am stiff and twitchy. I am unsure and oblivious.
My emotions rarely match the situation at hand and I have nothing to ever add because people like to talk about bullshit and I know nearly none of it. I spent my entire life reading, not actually living. I am the odd man out at nearly all times, I know **** well I bring about disgust and contempt. They all think I'm a gay pedophile or something I'm sure. Why would a group of guys want to hang out with what, by many definitions, is barely one?

Anyone else out there like me?
Hi.


I second echo's notion.
Since I started giving myself at the very least possibilities, I do actually feel slightly better.
Really, tangibly, better.
After a while I might actually *like* myself.
Even if no one else does.

 

[suckaG]

Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
Anyone else out there like me?

wild! I have indeed harboured these very exact thoughts and feelings, particularly the harsh and contemptuous laughter of point three.

sometimes my mind can go on and on with this crap, to the point where I write it all out to myself in complex essays. or sing songs about it out loud while driving in my car. crazy honeysuckle indeed!

but such self-hatred is draining, and I know at the end of the day it's just shame, insecurity and fear manifested as self-directed aggression.

basically, sometimes my mind is full of honeysuckle.

the truth is I am very much loved by some very great people, and I have the potential to all kinds of things, including constructive self-reflection, self-change, and hopefully a shot at love. (crosses fingers and knocks on wood)

but yeah, I totally relate to those self-perceptions you listed.

 

[lomojojo]

This post was long..oops. ._.

Long and beautiful I admire your attitude towards life. (big hug)

 

[echo]

This post was long..oops. ._.

Long and beautiful I admire your attitude towards life. (big hug)

Aww, thank you! *hugs back*

 

[csmswhs]

hope things get better for you

 

[SophiaGrace]

This post was long..oops. ._.

Long and beautiful I admire your attitude towards life. (big hug)

Aww, thank you! *hugs back*

Echo! I hope you consider us your friends! I love your attitude.

 

[echo]

Echo! I hope you consider us your friends! I love your attitude.

Thank you SophiaGrace! I truly appreciate the kind words.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Somewhere alone the line. I had to get to know myself.
How my mind and brain functions.
Control my brain or it'll control me.
Change my thinking, change my life.

I have variety of feelings and thoughts...
Of course I feel like this from time to time.
But over the years...I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being miserable.
So i don't run with those thoughts anymore or I keep it to a minimum or dont entertain them.
I know where it will lead me..and what type of feelings they will generate.
Even if I do CHOOSE to think or feel miserable...I know it was my chioce and not anyone else.
Even then..I don't think there's anything wrong with me...it's not a big deal...they're
just my thoughts and feelings...I'm not my thoughts or feelings. Then I simply just let them go.
I have thoughts and feelings.

It's what I focus on, then re enforce over and over again.

Anyone can take a little bit of time to do this simple excersize.
Think of something...a good moment/experince in your life.
Notice the thoughts...then notice the emotions being driven by the thoughts.
It's basic meditation..but U dont need to be a spiritaul guru....just sit still for a moment
and observe how your mind functions...

Now think of bad stuff..notice the thoughts then emotions.

It's neatrual...
We create our own inner heaven or hell...then it just expands outward.

True..we all had been programmed or conditions since birth.
We are also FREE to reprogram ourselves.
It can be difficult or easy..it's in according to our beliefs.

Our sickness or sufferings comes from comparing or playing the miserable tape over and over
again. As we all know we're creatures of habits...it's just habits or an addiction of sorts.
I'm not my habits or traits. I have habits, triats, feelings and thoughts.
I'm responsiable for my thoughts, feelings , actions and life.
NO one can do my thinking or do my feelings for me...it's inside of me.
That's why happiness in an inside job.

Other people or outside circumstance dosn't really make us happy..
All they do is trigger something we already have within ourselves already.
So if you know..you have happy feelings within you already..PUSH or TRIGGER that happy button yourself...it's simple commons sence.

It's neatrual...if you allow other people to push your buttons to get you angery..then why would it be any different
when it comes to good happy feelings.

Logically...it's not true that you are worthless than any other human being that ever lives
on this planet...Everybody bleeds just like me. they're all just humans like me...no more, no less.

As you stated u FEEL worhtless.
Ask yourself this simple questions...are you pushing those miserable and worthless feelings yourself?..Be honest.

Maybe try reseaching on the critical inner vioce or your internal dialog.
YOu have the power or are free to change your critical inner vioce to a more positive
vioce...the vioce is neatrual...You can use it to work for you or use it to work against you.

in the modern day terms...it's call RE-INVENTING YOURSELF.