Anyone who feels like they don't deserve love or friendship?
I feel worthless a lot, especially when family/"friends" treat me like I'm worthless...which is always. Some people are just cruel because they want to be cruel, like how since I was 2-3 years old my mom would tell me that I would never be loved and that I don't deserve anyone to care about me and even though I'm almost 20 years old she's still saying it every day! So yes, I do sometimes believe what these types of cruel people say,that I don't deserve any affection or kindness especially since people in my life keep pounding the idea into my head,right? But I need to remember the reality and the reality is that the idea that I'm unlovable is not true and since it's NOT true then what they say is invalid! Period.
Does the thought of someone wanting to spend time with you sound ridiculous?
Yeah, whenever someone acts like they want to spend time with me or talk to me, I immediately think that it's because they're actually sadistic and they want to hurt me and sure enough, it's true and I get hurt and then I get even more distrusting. I can't give up though, I can't give up, sooner or later I'm going to meet someone or more people that will truly want to spend time with me for all the right reasons!
Sooner or later someone is going to care about me...sure do I believe that right now? No but
it is still a possibility I focus on that possibility and it makes me feel better.
Does the thought of finding someone who loves you bring about laughter?
Has anyone in the past ever truly loved me? No. Does anyone love me now? No. Will anyone ever truly love me in the future? It could be a possibility. I mean, yeah my negativity makes me believe that nobody will ever care about me and yeah it's totally possible that I will die very lonely but nobody knows what the future holds, even if you truly believe that you're the most unlovable person in the world, there is bound to be someone who would prove to you otherwise. I mean, there is so much love in this world, everyone is capable of being loved, there is no one that is unlovable.
Anyone feel like their presence around others brings about feelings of disgust, contempt, and annoyance?
Yeah, I stay away from people because I am a complete waste of their time and I've been told that too! I've been told everything under the sun, I've been told that I was never loved, I've been told that I will never be loved, I've been told that I'm a total waste of their precious time, I've been told that I'm worthless, useless, piece of honeysuckle, good for nothing, annoying, I'm a total burden. All from people that are close to me who call themselves family or friends and what did I ever do to deserve such treatment? Nothing, I've done nothing wrong, I'm nothing but nice and caring and helpful and accepting and even loving and all I get is pain in return and sure, I do understand the reasoning behind people who call me burdensome or annoying and such but it's their opinion, that's all it is, it does not mean that I will be burdensome or annoying to every single other person in the world.
So yeah, I stay away from people because I
am a total waste of time, total burden, worthless to the people in my life...BUT none of that matters!
That's the thing, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if people hurt you, it doesn't matter if people don't love you or say you're a piece of honeysuckle, people will be monsters just because they can and they don't matter! Those people don't matter, what I need to focus on is on meeting people that
will care about me and will love to be with me, yeah I doubt that will ever happen but I just gotta keep hoping, hope hope hope with passion!
What I'm trying to say is, if people don't seem to like you or they find you unpleasant whether justified or not, it is not the end of you, forget those people and try to find the ones that will welcome you and make you feel like yourself.
I love myself, I would not change myself for anything in the world. I love myself and that
is what matters. I started to learn to love myself and I swear to you, it makes all the difference. Even if people say to your face that you're worthless, if you love yourself...that is all that matters and sooner or later there will be people that will love you too. All the negativity needs to take a back seat, the future has yet to show itself so just keep trying, keep trying even if you get hurt, even if people tell to your face that you're worthless and unlovable, even if you continue feeling worthless, keep remembering the fact, the truth, the reality that
you can be cherished, that
you are meaningful, that
you are deserving of love, always remember that.
This post was long..oops. ._.
