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Guest
Guest
Sry for a lengthy post... but i highly doubt i'll post much more about myself.
I’ve been here for a while now, but I haven’t really said anything about myself or my state of mind. The reason for this is because I have never talked to anyone about my true feelings, they always remained concealed within me as I struggled to fix my problems and move on with life. Overall, I like to think I’m a good person, caring, kind (but I guess this is for others to decide). I’m 20 years old, turning 21 this year. I’m finishing my 3rd year of studies of what’s generally known as life or health science.
But back to my point... I have maybe too many people that I know, but none of these are true friends in terms of that I only talk to them at school, or if I meet them on the street…No gf, never had one (although I really wish I had one).
I never had anyone to talk to about my loneliness and all, that I just learnt to deal with life by myself… never ask for help. I never turned to my family because we were never quite on that level where they would understand (I tried to approach this subject indirectly once, with a lot of though… but I quickly realised that they wouldn’t be able to help me, simply because they wouldn’t understand fully, this would only make them feel bad (which I have no intention to give them any more problems than they already have), and probably they didn’t help my cause by being to “overprotective” in a way during my high school years).
I fell into deep depression and I beat it in a sense… I say this because I no longer feel sad, (in a way), those times that would account for really bad days, have no longer occurred for about 4 or 5 months. They are but brief moments which I just throw away. You would think that this is great, but to be honest, it feels even worse than being depressed… It’s very difficult to explain unless you felt it. The best way I can explain is that I have this deep void, or emptiness… as if I can’t feel anything anymore, can’t express myself. It’s kind of like becoming indifferent about anything and everything, letting life pass as it goes, without turning to reflect on anything that happens or has the potential to happen.
I don’t know why I’m writing this… I don’t expect anything from this in terms of getting any NEW input that could enlighten me, that could make my life different… it’s up to me to find the next struggle that was placed in front of me and deal with it to the best of my ability… possibly expressing my thoughts might be some sort of start. I guess I’m looking for someone to relate to, someone to talk to about everything and anything that may cross my mind.
First off, thank you for taking time to read or skim through my post and also I thank you all for any support that you do provide. I hope that any struggles that you may have in life don’t become burdens on you but that you can overcome them and find the happiness that you seek.
Best regards
J
I’ve been here for a while now, but I haven’t really said anything about myself or my state of mind. The reason for this is because I have never talked to anyone about my true feelings, they always remained concealed within me as I struggled to fix my problems and move on with life. Overall, I like to think I’m a good person, caring, kind (but I guess this is for others to decide). I’m 20 years old, turning 21 this year. I’m finishing my 3rd year of studies of what’s generally known as life or health science.
But back to my point... I have maybe too many people that I know, but none of these are true friends in terms of that I only talk to them at school, or if I meet them on the street…No gf, never had one (although I really wish I had one).
I never had anyone to talk to about my loneliness and all, that I just learnt to deal with life by myself… never ask for help. I never turned to my family because we were never quite on that level where they would understand (I tried to approach this subject indirectly once, with a lot of though… but I quickly realised that they wouldn’t be able to help me, simply because they wouldn’t understand fully, this would only make them feel bad (which I have no intention to give them any more problems than they already have), and probably they didn’t help my cause by being to “overprotective” in a way during my high school years).
I fell into deep depression and I beat it in a sense… I say this because I no longer feel sad, (in a way), those times that would account for really bad days, have no longer occurred for about 4 or 5 months. They are but brief moments which I just throw away. You would think that this is great, but to be honest, it feels even worse than being depressed… It’s very difficult to explain unless you felt it. The best way I can explain is that I have this deep void, or emptiness… as if I can’t feel anything anymore, can’t express myself. It’s kind of like becoming indifferent about anything and everything, letting life pass as it goes, without turning to reflect on anything that happens or has the potential to happen.
I don’t know why I’m writing this… I don’t expect anything from this in terms of getting any NEW input that could enlighten me, that could make my life different… it’s up to me to find the next struggle that was placed in front of me and deal with it to the best of my ability… possibly expressing my thoughts might be some sort of start. I guess I’m looking for someone to relate to, someone to talk to about everything and anything that may cross my mind.
First off, thank you for taking time to read or skim through my post and also I thank you all for any support that you do provide. I hope that any struggles that you may have in life don’t become burdens on you but that you can overcome them and find the happiness that you seek.
Best regards
J