Find Comfort in my misery... I'm screwed

[soccer_girl1121]

Confidence is something you force people to believe. I can be the hottest girl in the office if I can make people believe it.
Even if you end up getting the S%$# kicked out of you in a soccer game and end up in a hospital shower room with a nurse.. "We're just going to clean you up honey..."
I act like I DON'T care... don't make a scene...but instead- joke around. No matter how self-conscious I feel in my mind~ I make sure my actions portray a different message. HAPPY FUN CONFIDENT

So... I know the tricks...

My "friend" warned me about this guy ~ I really thought she was crazy, selfish - I'm so upset right now....

Maybe I need a second job... maybe I need to start drinking...

(I'm new to this whole blogging thing- if you read it up to this point - bless your heart)

I screwed up so bad, thats as much as I can write. I want to use this blog to VENT!

"I'll be back"!!

 

[Tex Is Lost]

We'll be here....

 

[stuff4096]

As Tex said, when you're ready, we'll be here. I would advise against the drinking though...

 

[Callie]

welcome.
We're ready when you are

 

[Marik_757]

I've always found comfort in misery. Everyone thinks I'm so happy because I smile too much even though it's just a mask ... So no one really knows if I'm ok unless they ask, but even then I would just lie about.

Eventually things will get out when you get more comfortable to let it out. And as stuff4096 says don't drink ... I can tell you that myself. lol Everything will get out then, but it's not the best way to let things out :/

 

[soccer_girl1121]

You guys are funny.... thanks ...and for the record I don't drink.

I'm recently married. Its stressful~ i get yelled at a lot. (I'm lost and I don't even remember what I was like before.) It's hard being judged by so many people.
I'm too thin.
I quit playing soccer. I don't want to leave the house. (No energy because of winter??) My parents thought I was NEVER going to get married... I think that's why I rushed into this so fast.
Even though it looks pretty grim at times... I want to be a good wife and make this work. (My sister-in-law is VERY negative ~ she is SICK of the family we both married into... so I would like to put some POSITIVE things about my marriage here for you beautiful people... if anyone reads this...

1. My husband does not go to bars/clubs/strip clubs.
2. He loves Jesus
3. He is very attractive.
4. He graduated from a really good college.
5. He is easy to please.
6. We both are drug-free and kid-free.
7. He was able to move in with me without a hassle
8. He likes the same type of games as I do.
9. He likes going places with me. Usually always says YES
10. I'm comfortable when I'm with him.

I actually feel better now. I'm going to stop throwing a pity party for myself and TRY to be more positive.

This helped.... Goodnight.

 

[soccer_girl1121]

sorry guys... I'm kinda using this as an online journal

I don't know what I'm turning into...

Super desperate for money... I work all the time, but I'm so stressed I feel like I can't even focus. My new husband lost his job... its been hard.

Confession: I sold a baseball card on craigslist... it ended up NOT being what the guy wanted.... he has been calling my phone for the last couple days wanting his money back... the RIGHT thing to do would be to give him a re-fund... but I'm so stressed about money that I can't afford it. God must be so disappointed in me lately.

My husband HATED his job... so there is less stress at home because he doesn't work now... but I'm SO scared about how we are going to pay for bills now.

____________________________________
Something positive.......

We are so blessed to have clean water... some countries don't (and on that high note... I'm gonna go brush my teeth and be thankful doing it)

Night you lovely people - God bless you

 

[only me]

Drink and drugs make things worse.
I now regret every drink I took and all the weed.
It's like time-warp. IN A FLASH you're much older
with the same damned problems that lead you to search for
comfort in the first place.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow, yeah not an easy time in your life but it sounds like you have a great husband to struggle through with. Hopefully things turn around for you soon.

 

[soccer_girl1121]

I'm back

So hubby is not working ~but since he recently had surgery, in a way, the timing is good.
He is getting cabin fever... I decided we should go bowling... kind of a date (to get us out of the house)
I was winning, and I find out he's a poor sport. I had to throw gutter balls on purpose just so he could win. (P.S. He's also a poor winner)
Needless to say, it was not fun. He was rude to the girl behind the counter and I can't help but wonder if he'll start treating me like that.
Maybe he will get a job soon... and meet someone else... and leave me. Then MAYBE I could keep my house AND have my life back.

Being alone is hard, dating sucks so much... positive thoughts... here we go

We have a place to live.
Pretty healthy
Have enough money to live on.
He's good to look at
I still love him (its just getting hard cuz I feel like I'm the only one trying)

 

[rdp234]

Don't get down on yourself. A lot of people have problems and a lot of people are not really happy. You're not alone.

 

[soccer_girl1121]

I'm back.

It was time to do our taxes ~ I made a few mistakes in 2010... I knew I was going to owe the IRS some money... My new husband not only helped just by us being married, but GAVE me his entire return to cover what I owe.
He has no job, but gave me ALL the money he had without hesitation.
I feel so blessed... I didn't even know what to say to him. I can really tell he's not using me... I guess that proved a lot to me.
At this point, I'm looking forward to our future together.
On Valentines Day, we are going on vacation together (honeymoon- few months late)... And I'm looking forward to spending summer working in our garden.

 

[soccer_girl1121]

I'm back.
The girl I work with is my NEW sister-in-law. She's jealous and angry.
At family parties... she's fake-nice to me.
At work she talks crap on me to all of her friends... I pretend to not hear.
I never talk to my husband about it... or anyone. It would only start trouble and make me look like a drama queen.
Yeah... we hate each other. But I always try to make it better, laugh, smile at her. I always try to be positive.
Speaking of positive... I'm scared I'm pregnant.
??? What the hell! Everything I do makes my situation worse. I have no control of my life right now. I went from being the sweetest, innocent, soccer-crazy girl....
to this fake-happy, desperate for money, worried-all-the-time...

Ahhhh

 

[soccer_girl1121]

Wow... not pregnant AND it's been a great summer! We have been working hard in the garden and also raising chickens. We have been on several bike rides. Great weather.

We almost never argue...

Maybe being married is not so bad.

I have been eating tons of junk food and SUGAR since we got married.
Gymnema sylvestre has been helping a lot to reduce my sugar cravings. Its a natural herb. Got it from Natures Pantry (Natural Store)

 

[Janggo0]

I read abit of what you wrote. Im not really a soccer person, more like a drug addict. Though what made you end up in here together with the rest of theese poor souls?

 

[hijodeganas]

Why are you so sure that having confidence is just an "act"?

Confidence is something you force people to believe. I can be the hottest girl in the office if I can make people believe it.
Even if you end up getting the S%$# kicked out of you in a soccer game and end up in a hospital shower room with a nurse.. "We're just going to clean you up honey..."
I act like I DON'T care... don't make a scene...but instead- joke around. No matter how self-conscious I feel in my mind~ I make sure my actions portray a different message. HAPPY FUN CONFIDENT

So... I know the tricks...

My "friend" warned me about this guy ~ I really thought she was crazy, selfish - I'm so upset right now....

Maybe I need a second job... maybe I need to start drinking...

(I'm new to this whole blogging thing- if you read it up to this point - bless your heart)

I screwed up so bad, thats as much as I can write. I want to use this blog to VENT!

"I'll be back"!!

 

[soccer_girl1121]

Well I found out that most of the people in my life are only nice to me when they are in NEED of something.
If I provide them with things they want (money, free place to live) it is easy going - nice.

However - if I finally do something for myself and they aren't receiving any benefit - everything changes.
People are nasty. I wish I had not learned this. It breaks my heart.
Every single person in my life wants something from me right now... I'm not sure what to do right now... but I have a feeling I'm about to be the most hated person.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't like people much at times. :/ so I empathize

 

[Lonesome Crow]

So.... ur not throwing gutter balls
on purpose anymore...

What are you ganna tell those
people thats gonna start hating you
or try to make you feel bad???
" KICK ROCKS" or " STFU"?

 

[LoneKiller]

I agree with some of the other members. I haven't had a drink in over a decade, but if you start using alcohol and drugs to help get past this problem you are having in life, you will soon find yourself addicted and then you will require alcohol to solve the problem.

Say some night you are feeling crappy and you find comfort in alcohol, it does temporarily provide help. The next day when you get up in the morning, you now have 2 problems"

1. Your problem is still there.
2. You need more booze to deal with it.

It's a truly dire situation. Avoid the honeysuckle like the plague.