P
Paraiyar
Guest
It was somewhat difficult for me to decide what sub-forum I should post this in. In the end, I think the Social Problems sub-forum is broad enough to encompass the issue as a whole. I don't know exactly when this problem started but I know I've become a lot more aware of it lately and I don't know for sure what it's exact causes are although I have a few strong suspicions about what they are.
The issue comes down to this emotional state of flatness that I can't seem to shake. It's hard to describe but in a social environment it basically translates to me often having not much to say or finding it difficult to loosen up and make really fun conversation. All too often, I catch myself zoning out in the middle of a group conversation and not being a part of it in anyway. I feel like my whole vibe must come across as really off to a lot of people. It's like when they're having a conversation, they've all tuned themselves to a frequency that I can't tune to and everything I do ends up feeling wrong to me.
I wish I knew how to get rid of this flatness for good. It happens whenever I drink with a friend of mine, something about his energy wakes me up and makes me fun again. But he's busy and I haven't heard from him since he got back from being married in Hawaii. When I was overseas I managed to get sort of semi get rid of it for a while but it came back.
I think the main causes are down to a few things:
1. Lack of success with women. This is like a hole in the bucket that is draining my confidence. And I know that if things don't change soon that this will get worse. It makes it harder and harder to relate to people my age when they've all had more experience than me with this as well. I just feel like I'll never be normal sometimes.
2. My interests involve reading a lot about history and international relations and I think that this is something which is really difficult for a lot of people in my age group to relate to and I think it can also put me into really serious moods. Plus it means that I'm not always up on the play with some of the interests of my own generation or I don't relate to them well. I'm not going to give up on what I do though because it's important to me but I need to be mindful of how it affects me and be careful about who I bring it up with.
3. I feel like I haven't utilized the first half of my 20s as I should have (next to no intimacy with girls in this period) and spent too much time isolated from many people my age. It's really hard to just overcome the regrets I have about that time. I was at a party last night and one of the lesbians who lives at the flat decided she'd put make-up on me and one of her friends helped out. Obviously I didn't mention this to her but it was such a nice feeling to have female hands touching me, even in a non-sexual way.
I'm really hoping that I do get accepted into the NZ Navy and that this transforms me into who I want to be. I have to get rid of this emotional flatness before it costs me anything more.
The issue comes down to this emotional state of flatness that I can't seem to shake. It's hard to describe but in a social environment it basically translates to me often having not much to say or finding it difficult to loosen up and make really fun conversation. All too often, I catch myself zoning out in the middle of a group conversation and not being a part of it in anyway. I feel like my whole vibe must come across as really off to a lot of people. It's like when they're having a conversation, they've all tuned themselves to a frequency that I can't tune to and everything I do ends up feeling wrong to me.
I wish I knew how to get rid of this flatness for good. It happens whenever I drink with a friend of mine, something about his energy wakes me up and makes me fun again. But he's busy and I haven't heard from him since he got back from being married in Hawaii. When I was overseas I managed to get sort of semi get rid of it for a while but it came back.
I think the main causes are down to a few things:
1. Lack of success with women. This is like a hole in the bucket that is draining my confidence. And I know that if things don't change soon that this will get worse. It makes it harder and harder to relate to people my age when they've all had more experience than me with this as well. I just feel like I'll never be normal sometimes.
2. My interests involve reading a lot about history and international relations and I think that this is something which is really difficult for a lot of people in my age group to relate to and I think it can also put me into really serious moods. Plus it means that I'm not always up on the play with some of the interests of my own generation or I don't relate to them well. I'm not going to give up on what I do though because it's important to me but I need to be mindful of how it affects me and be careful about who I bring it up with.
3. I feel like I haven't utilized the first half of my 20s as I should have (next to no intimacy with girls in this period) and spent too much time isolated from many people my age. It's really hard to just overcome the regrets I have about that time. I was at a party last night and one of the lesbians who lives at the flat decided she'd put make-up on me and one of her friends helped out. Obviously I didn't mention this to her but it was such a nice feeling to have female hands touching me, even in a non-sexual way.
I'm really hoping that I do get accepted into the NZ Navy and that this transforms me into who I want to be. I have to get rid of this emotional flatness before it costs me anything more.