Lonely Anon
Active member
Hey everyone. I am posting here in a hope that you can do what countless proffesionals have tried for over two years: help me. (Or atleast try to cheer me up and/or troll me)
Before I continue, I'd like to tell a little (a lot) about myself:
I have always been lonely, never had a friend, and always been bullied. In first grade, I supposedly had ADHD (which was later proven wrong). I was very agressive so I got special treatment. Everyone could do whatever they wanted to me, all the teacher told me was "you have to endure a little" (quote lost in translation). I could however do nothing to them. So I had a problem which I think they learned to abuse at some point: If someone hit me in the arm, I could: not tell an adult, that would result with an "endure" speech; not hit them back, that would result in a lost break or other forms for punishment; not do nothing, that would result in more bullying. In fifth class, we moved.
I decided to changed and start a new life. I went from as agressive as possible, to as passive as possible. Once again, I became a victim for bullying. This time I got the teachers on my side though. Later, I heard that I ended up in the worst class in my town. I also started to wonder why everyone were so stupid. They used a week to learn what I learnt in a day. I also more and more found the subjects boring and repetive. After a year of "It will get better!", "You can't expect to get friends right away.", etc. and a few weeks dropped out of school, I changed school again, to what was supposed to be one the best (seventh grade now). Ironically, it got worse for me as I was no longer (activly) bullied. (Atleast I thought) people would no longer understand why my life was terrible. (I thought) they wouldn't understand that I still got no friends and was dying of loneliness. After two weeks in school, I learned that our math teach never checked our work. I was so happy I could finally skip all that dreaded math (I love math by the way). This was because I started to think the math teachers had a competition called who can force as many 20+20s as possible on a sheet?
I then heard about a private school that some of the girls in my class were going to go to. I checked it out, thought it was an elite school full of nerds, and applied (this is middle school). I got shocked when I started for two reasons: 1. It wasn't and elite school full of nerds *sadface*. 2. The subjects here was actually challenging compared to public school. I had to turn off my cruiser control and actually study. I had never studied before so it didn't go so well. People were also more hostile here. So not only was I friendless, shocked by this new thing called studying, the bullying was also returning. It was all to much for me. I dropped out of school, became pedophobic (NO! Not the fear of pedophiles! The fear of kids!), and developed quite a few other fears.
My familiy life is not any better. My dad is sick and don't have the energy to to do much, not even work. My mother is very tired too, having to do all the work. Neither of us have any close friends, so we're only with each other. This results in a very tense relationship where we're all tired of each other. My parents fight all the time and even use divorce as a threat (happend twice this year).
At some point during my 'help', they found out I was gifted (that is, around 160IQ). After that, I've understood the reason most of this happend. Why I felt different from the other kids (, thus, getting no friends), why I thought they were stupid, why school was boring, and a lot more.
So here I am. Lying in my bed at 08am. because I couldn't sleep all nigth due to stress and depression. Not been to school for half a year. Not getting an education. Most likely wasted my gift *cough* curse *cough*. With who know how many psychical problems.
I blame the society for my problems. If they could just accept 'us' instead of feeling threatened(?), everything would be much better for everyone. Also there is very little proffesional help for 'us'. Mentally challenged get all kind of help. So I'd like you to think about this: Is it utterly impossible that 'we' are just as vulnerable, fragile and in need of assistance as mentally challenged? Is it fair that mentally challenged get all kind of help, care and love? You are a f***ing ******* if you say something mean to a mentally challenged. 'We', on the other hand are ignored. It was shocking, how some of those proffesionals supposed to help me, denyed that my intelligence could be relevant to my problems at all! Now 2 years later, they (big surprise) didn't manage to 'fix' me.
So why must higher intelligence equal less friends?
And yes, I do have social skills. I go perfectly fine with anyone who know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. This is for the most part people who are 5+ years older than me. And I am not really interested in a BFF who is 1/3 older than me.
And please, no "We can be friends! *mail*", "Suicide is not the answer!", "You suck", "If your (<- intended error) so smart why dont you fix your own life?", "No social skills!", etc..
Before I continue, I'd like to tell a little (a lot) about myself:
I have always been lonely, never had a friend, and always been bullied. In first grade, I supposedly had ADHD (which was later proven wrong). I was very agressive so I got special treatment. Everyone could do whatever they wanted to me, all the teacher told me was "you have to endure a little" (quote lost in translation). I could however do nothing to them. So I had a problem which I think they learned to abuse at some point: If someone hit me in the arm, I could: not tell an adult, that would result with an "endure" speech; not hit them back, that would result in a lost break or other forms for punishment; not do nothing, that would result in more bullying. In fifth class, we moved.
I decided to changed and start a new life. I went from as agressive as possible, to as passive as possible. Once again, I became a victim for bullying. This time I got the teachers on my side though. Later, I heard that I ended up in the worst class in my town. I also started to wonder why everyone were so stupid. They used a week to learn what I learnt in a day. I also more and more found the subjects boring and repetive. After a year of "It will get better!", "You can't expect to get friends right away.", etc. and a few weeks dropped out of school, I changed school again, to what was supposed to be one the best (seventh grade now). Ironically, it got worse for me as I was no longer (activly) bullied. (Atleast I thought) people would no longer understand why my life was terrible. (I thought) they wouldn't understand that I still got no friends and was dying of loneliness. After two weeks in school, I learned that our math teach never checked our work. I was so happy I could finally skip all that dreaded math (I love math by the way). This was because I started to think the math teachers had a competition called who can force as many 20+20s as possible on a sheet?
I then heard about a private school that some of the girls in my class were going to go to. I checked it out, thought it was an elite school full of nerds, and applied (this is middle school). I got shocked when I started for two reasons: 1. It wasn't and elite school full of nerds *sadface*. 2. The subjects here was actually challenging compared to public school. I had to turn off my cruiser control and actually study. I had never studied before so it didn't go so well. People were also more hostile here. So not only was I friendless, shocked by this new thing called studying, the bullying was also returning. It was all to much for me. I dropped out of school, became pedophobic (NO! Not the fear of pedophiles! The fear of kids!), and developed quite a few other fears.
My familiy life is not any better. My dad is sick and don't have the energy to to do much, not even work. My mother is very tired too, having to do all the work. Neither of us have any close friends, so we're only with each other. This results in a very tense relationship where we're all tired of each other. My parents fight all the time and even use divorce as a threat (happend twice this year).
At some point during my 'help', they found out I was gifted (that is, around 160IQ). After that, I've understood the reason most of this happend. Why I felt different from the other kids (, thus, getting no friends), why I thought they were stupid, why school was boring, and a lot more.
So here I am. Lying in my bed at 08am. because I couldn't sleep all nigth due to stress and depression. Not been to school for half a year. Not getting an education. Most likely wasted my gift *cough* curse *cough*. With who know how many psychical problems.
At the ago of 15, all I look forward to is death.
I blame the society for my problems. If they could just accept 'us' instead of feeling threatened(?), everything would be much better for everyone. Also there is very little proffesional help for 'us'. Mentally challenged get all kind of help. So I'd like you to think about this: Is it utterly impossible that 'we' are just as vulnerable, fragile and in need of assistance as mentally challenged? Is it fair that mentally challenged get all kind of help, care and love? You are a f***ing ******* if you say something mean to a mentally challenged. 'We', on the other hand are ignored. It was shocking, how some of those proffesionals supposed to help me, denyed that my intelligence could be relevant to my problems at all! Now 2 years later, they (big surprise) didn't manage to 'fix' me.
So why must higher intelligence equal less friends?
And yes, I do have social skills. I go perfectly fine with anyone who know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. This is for the most part people who are 5+ years older than me. And I am not really interested in a BFF who is 1/3 older than me.
And please, no "We can be friends! *mail*", "Suicide is not the answer!", "You suck", "If your (<- intended error) so smart why dont you fix your own life?", "No social skills!", etc..
