Grateful

[ladyforsaken]

Hi guys.

Considering the length of time I've been here, and the fact that I've never really posted a "Hi I'm new here" thread, this would actually be my first thread created on ALL. I didn't do that because I didn't exactly feel new lol - was here back then when I remember there was one time the only mod we had was bluey. How I miss bluey on this forum. I was under a different username back then too.

Anyway, that aside, I just felt quite strongly in posting about being grateful in life. Because I am majorly grateful to this forum mostly. I realise that ALL has been quite a big part of my life ever since I was feeling lonely after my father's passing. Without ALL, I would not have had my life lessons given to me, I would not have met the people I was supposed to meet and I would not have met the people I am so happy to have in my life right now. It's amazing how real true friendships can blossom from this small online community. So, bjarne, thank you - for creating this site. You opened doors to opportunities, experiences and friends for me (and even possibly a life partner!).

Recently, I was diagnosed with stage 1 thyroid cancer. Just about a week ago, I had undergone surgery to remove my entire thyroid. So now I have this curved scar right at the base of my neck and every day when I look at it in the mirror, I think to myself, (although I think it's kinda ugly but pretty neat) I'm so lucky I'm alive and healthy. When I was diagnosed with this, I wasn't immediately sad about it. I was actually thinking - thank god this wasn't anything more serious or life-threatening. I mean sure, I'll need to be on thyroid hormone pills for the rest of my life now and probably suffer life-threatening things if I stop taking it, but I'd rather this than something that is more difficult to cure or survive through.

I will cut my long story short. Out of my entire life, I never knew I have so many people who actually do care about me, they bothered to come visit me when I was in the hospital last week. It was touching and I am actually quite blown away at how supportive they've been. They are my friends from the different phases of my life. They are not usually around me in my life as I tend to get quite anti-social and don't really like hanging out much with them - but these are the people whom I've helped out or been nice to and I believe, kindness goes a long way and I think, because I've been kind to them, this is why they bothered about me and I'm truly truly deeply grateful and touched by this. I know that many of you may not experience this and not agree with me - but I guess I'm really lucky.

Despite horrible experiences I've been through in my life before this, I believe they happened for a reason. And I stand to choose to look at the positive outcomes of those horrible experiences more than the negative. I'm sure I'll have my down times when I would wonder - why the hell me? But you know, the less I do, the more I'll actually get to enjoy more things out of life by making it enjoyable.

I'm not going to take advantage of life anymore. I am disgusted at how I was even attempting suicide before to run away from pain and problems. I'm not going to take advantage of my health and well-being and I'm not going to take advantage of life. I'm going to make the most out of it, I'm going to enjoy it and I'm going to give as much goodness as I can out there. I'm going to try and help whoever needs help here, the way many have helped me when I was down.

I'm truly sorry for all the possible bad things I might have done to hurt my ex but in no way was I ever ill-intentioned towards him. I think we were just not compatible no matter how much connection there was.

I'm truly sorry to my mum, to have not been the best daughter that I have always wanted to be. I'm truly sorry to my late father, for being such a disappointment.

And, I'm truly sorry to my dear Love, whom I feel so inadequate to honestly, because of my past issues and damage, that I cannot give the 100% that I could have given to him now, had I not been damaged. Despite that, I can't help but feel so strongly for him that I am determined to be the best thing that's ever happened to him and do all the best things for him. <3

I think that no matter what life throws me from now on, I'll be okay. I'll deal, and I'll be okay.

Okay. This is also probably the only time you'll see me write this much. Lol. Thanks for reading. Hugs to all.

 

[switch]

Hi Ladyforsaken, I loved reading your post. I posted under another members post last night basically saying that I feel we should all be grateful for something and that at times we focus too much on what we don't have instead of what we do have.

Sorry to hear about the cancer. Cancer is horrible. I'm glad you are healthy now and I love your positive attitude and outlook on the situation and on life.

It's nice that when you were going through this people turned up to support you. It's nice when you realize that you actually do have people around you that care, even if you sometimes have days when you think that no one cares. Even if you don't see these people often, I can tell that having them there meant a lot to you.

I don't know you but you come across as a strong woman.

I love hearing about people being grateful. I wish you all best in life, I hope you remain healthy and stay positive.​

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you for your post, switch.

You're right though, I was at one point all negative and focusing so much on what I didn't have and what honeysuckle I was going through. I think I also got sick and tired of feeling so negative cos it IS very tiring to feel so frustrated. It was so bad to the point that I just didn't care about anything and then recently I decided I should turn my life around cos if I don't do that, nothing will.

I kinda see it like this. We are the driver of the car we're in (that would be our life).. and sometimes we meet with an accident, bumps on the road and sometimes we pass by beautiful places where we meet such great people. What's important is what you do after that incident, do you let yourself bleed and die from the accident or do you try to do something to survive?

You know, I love your positive attitude too. You sound like a very nice person. Thank you for your kind words there, I truly appreciate it.

 

[Okiedokes]

Such a positive message I'm happy to have met you and been able to be there for each other at times. I'm so happy that you have recovered from your surgery and I only hope that things will get better and I think they already are. Having a positive attitude is the best thing you can do. Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself this at times because of everything going on this year. It's nice friends like you who make the difference! hugz

 

[ladyforsaken]

Aww thanks Okiedokes. You've been such a nice friend to me and you are one of them whom I'm happy to have in my life right now!

Yeah.. bad things will always be there.. but it's up to us to either let those things bring us down, or make us a better person.

You're such a sweet friend though, thank you for your kind words! HUGS!

 

[Walley]

you shouldn't feel the need to apologize to anyone..
you are a wonderful person and a blessing to the world and i'm happy and proud to call you my friend

nice post =)

 

[ladyforsaken]

Awww Hank *hug* thank you.

Thank you really. You're one of the best people I've made friends with from here! And indeed am proud too to call you my friend.

 

[monkeysocks]

What a wonderful post . I am so sorry to read what you have been through and Your post is so full of strength and honesty and humbling that is inspirational to others.

I sincerely send you *hugs* and my total respect for being so strong and positive.

xx

 

[ladyforsaken]

monkeysocks, thank you so much. It's all I can try to do really.

*hugs*

 

[LoneKiller]

That was a very honest and wonderful post ladyforsaken. Words straight from the heart always touch me. Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts. I'm glad that you are a member here.

God Bless.
LK

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you, LK. It's a pleasure to have met you here as well and I always love reading your posts. From what you've told me before, I've always been inspired by your strength, determination and positivity.