Hello everyone,
I'm Saucerman and I'm a twenty-something loner from the UK. I work in customer service which, despite the frequent offloading of people's innermost rage on to us, is great because I get to talk to something like 100 different people, rich and poor, young and old, from all over the country every day of the week. It has really helped me in that respect.
However, there are days when I will go into work and not speak to anyone but the customers which is done via a headset connected to a phone. This produces a very strange sort of sensation - you're in a room with something like 150 people who are all talking but not to each other. Then I come home and stare at the ceiling.
My loneliness I think stems from a combination of a kind of mild Asperger's, catastrophically low self-esteem, and an ever-present awareness of mortality. I reconcile this by concentrating extremely hard on my work so as to get into that state of flow where the consciousness is focused and my sense of self seems to - if only momentarily - evaporate and with it these concerns. In the case of the Asperger's, I often feel like everyone seems to know the lines to some kind of script that I do not have access to. This produces a strong sense of being on the outside and this can and does sometimes morph into paranoia. And the self-esteem: I feel as though my presence is not wanted, I am inherently a bad person, a fool, an idiot; I do not deserve the closeness to others that I crave because ultimately I will do more harm to them than good. And the awareness of mortality? Perhaps this is a twenties thing: childhood is well and truly over, you realise that death is a certainty and you begin to truly consider your place in the world, the fallibility of your parents, the practical and moral consequences of your words and actions, and of course your own complete insignificance.
My self-esteem has caused me to cut myself off but I want so badly to be able to connect with people on a more meaningful level. There is a girl at work who I like and I am working hard to gather the courage to buy her a coffee. I know deep down that there is nothing at all wrong with me and that I am my own worst enemy in that respect.
I thought I'd introduce myself as another one of us in this deep and endless ocean. We are all lonely so we cannot be truly alone. I love you all and hope you are well.
Saucerman
I'm Saucerman and I'm a twenty-something loner from the UK. I work in customer service which, despite the frequent offloading of people's innermost rage on to us, is great because I get to talk to something like 100 different people, rich and poor, young and old, from all over the country every day of the week. It has really helped me in that respect.
However, there are days when I will go into work and not speak to anyone but the customers which is done via a headset connected to a phone. This produces a very strange sort of sensation - you're in a room with something like 150 people who are all talking but not to each other. Then I come home and stare at the ceiling.
My loneliness I think stems from a combination of a kind of mild Asperger's, catastrophically low self-esteem, and an ever-present awareness of mortality. I reconcile this by concentrating extremely hard on my work so as to get into that state of flow where the consciousness is focused and my sense of self seems to - if only momentarily - evaporate and with it these concerns. In the case of the Asperger's, I often feel like everyone seems to know the lines to some kind of script that I do not have access to. This produces a strong sense of being on the outside and this can and does sometimes morph into paranoia. And the self-esteem: I feel as though my presence is not wanted, I am inherently a bad person, a fool, an idiot; I do not deserve the closeness to others that I crave because ultimately I will do more harm to them than good. And the awareness of mortality? Perhaps this is a twenties thing: childhood is well and truly over, you realise that death is a certainty and you begin to truly consider your place in the world, the fallibility of your parents, the practical and moral consequences of your words and actions, and of course your own complete insignificance.
My self-esteem has caused me to cut myself off but I want so badly to be able to connect with people on a more meaningful level. There is a girl at work who I like and I am working hard to gather the courage to buy her a coffee. I know deep down that there is nothing at all wrong with me and that I am my own worst enemy in that respect.
I thought I'd introduce myself as another one of us in this deep and endless ocean. We are all lonely so we cannot be truly alone. I love you all and hope you are well.
Saucerman
