Greetings to All

[LostBoy]

Hello & thanks for having a site like this. I feel like my username, lost. A few years ago I lost everyone and everything at the same time. I was out of work, got caught up in financial trouble trying to help my mother out, she died suddenly, I had to file for bankruptcy to protect my home and my wife of 25 years filed for divorce to protect her inheritance should things go against it. I didn't even get an attorney because my son still lives there. Bottom line, I protected him and got trashed, thoroughly. I was one step away from ending my life when a single act of will saved it. My son always looked up to me, I couldn't let him down. I used a hammer as a symbol for my life, I would build with it rather than break. One of the things I did when I moved out was to totally disconnect the media. No TV at all. I wanted to face every dark thought that would come and meet it head on. I've made great strides forward but loneliness overtakes me at times. I'm totally out of balance to even talk to people, and once I declined going to an outdoor arts festival because I was convinced everyone there would know I was alone. There are usually 100,000 there per day. So I know what that meant. The worst of it was feeling like a lost boy, without a home because there is none for me. I want to go home but there is no home. I am not a selfish person and when something good happens I want to share with it with someone but I can't. I put up a brave face, my son thinks I'm invincible because that's what I let him see because he NEEDS to see that. And when he leaves I fall apart. I know there are many people experiencing the same thing. I'm doing my best. I want to get to the point where I can go a restaurant by myself and enjoy it, or go camping and not feel like I'm being punished for being alone. Or talk to a woman without showing my desperation. Any ideas would be welcome and greatly appreciated. Thanks for hearing me out.I'll probably be too embarrassed after I post this to check back in for a few days so forgive me.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs*

that soubnds terrible, i'm so sorry, no one alive deserves to have something like that hapen to them,

There is nothing selfish in wanting to share happyness with someone

i'm sorry i have a lot to say other than

welcome to the forum and i hope things for you will take a turn for the better

 

[DixieDarlin]

bless your heart! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Good for you for putting on a brave face for your son!

I feel the same way too, I hate going to places by myself....I don't even like going to the McDonald's drivethru by myself!! I feel like people are watching me and are thinking "Wow, what a loser, she's all by herself." The only place I go alone to is work and Wal-Mart.

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome.

 

[itsmylife]

Hey and welcome to the forum, I hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[Minus]

Welcome

 

[Hijacc]

Welcome to all.

This site will help you, its what we are here for we are friends and we love you.

 

[Luisa]

hello I'm Lou, welcome to the site

 

[EveWasFramed]

Welcome, dear. I hope you can find some support here.

 

[joanmcf]

Hi LostBoy,

First of all, welcome to this forum!

I read your story and I think you're really brave. You've gone thorough a lot, it sounds and you're a survivor. You're right, a LOT of people are going through loneliness, it's becoming a silent epidemic in America. Don't be ashamed of yourself. Don't feel ashamed for going out by yourself. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Keep going, use your love for your son as inspiration. You are a survivor! Things will get better. Don't give up and never lose hope.

 

[Alive42]

Hay, welcome to this forum - I've only been a member for a few days and it is so great to talk to people who get what your are saying - it takes away the edge All you can do is go up.