Grieving

[septicemia]

Without going into too much detail that could identify me, some months ago two of my immediate family members died. At first I was extremely numb, I mean, I cried, but I dont remember really feeling the loss. Now, its like every moment I am alone I feel the loss, it hurts badly. Its not even been 6 months yet, so I am not really worried yet as is still a rather fresh wound on my soul, but I am slightly concerned that my grief seems to be getting stronger, not diminishing like I would think it should be. Does anyone here have any experience with suffering great loss? Is it normal to have a period of lots of emotions after that numb feeling?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Its normal. Depression comes after initial denial. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[tangerinedream]

First, I am very sorry for your loss (((septicemia)))


Secondly, yes, it's normal, and there is a wide range of "normal."

Numbness and shock immediately after a profound loss is very common, almost an essential survival mechanism. Sometimes you may even appear to be functioning normally to others. As time goes on, you start dealing with the reality of the loss, going through the standard stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

What they don't tell you is that once you go through a stage, there is no guarantee that you won't backslide or pop back through some of the stages, particularly anger and depression. There is also no set time for each stage. It has been 10 years since the greatest loss of my life and I still fall prey to anger and depression although I have accepted the loss.

What I can tell you is that it becomes bearable with time. In the interim know that what you are feeling is not abnormal. You may feel crazy or unhinged at times, but that is par for the course in my experience.

Edited for spelling - Der

 

[septicemia]

Thank you both of you.

tangerinedream your words are very comforting. Its worrisome, yet relieving to hear that even so many years later, you still feel the hurt of your loss. Its worrisome for the obvious reasons, but relieving to know that its OK if I still feel pretty wrecked over the whole thing, even years from now.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I believe that when a loved one dies, you never get over it. You just learn to live with it. When my grandmother died, it split my life into two. There's the life with her, and a life without. I even believe that's why my mom really became sick now. It's been almost 10 years, and the thoughts and memories don't go away; They just happen to be pushed to the back after a while.

 

[tangerinedream]

tangerinedream your words are very comforting. Its worrisome, yet relieving to hear that even so many years later, you still feel the hurt of your loss. Its worrisome for the obvious reasons, but relieving to know that its OK if I still feel pretty wrecked over the whole thing, even years from now.

It's a mixed blessing, I know.

I believe that when a loved one dies, you never get over it. You just learn to live with it.

I think so, too. I believe that's what the acceptance stage is about: accepting the new reality and learning how to live with it. It can still hurt from time to time, but not in the way it does in the beginning when every breath is hard and the whole world seems shifted on its axis.

 

[septicemia]

I have heard that too vanillacream. Sigh.

 

[rosebud]

Feeling the loss of someone is different for everyone. You need time to cope with the realization that you lost them. After awhile you feel normal again and there are still the thoughts that pop in your head from time to time. You can't completely forget something like that.

 

[septicemia]

Yeah, no way can I forget something like that!