Growing up without a father

[Rigel]

have any one of you grown up without a father OR a father figure during your entire childhood/teenage years??? I won't go into details; it's not about me. I'm just trying to be sympathetic to somebody else and I can only relate to a point about this issue. i've read some studies online, and they got many things wrong on behavior patterns, personality and such... it just didn't compare to what i know about this person.. so i'm asking you


how has it affected your relationships with ppl later in your life?

how did you overcome it and not let it overwhelm you?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Because of it, I am much less likely to trust males. I don't see them as providing nurturing relationships, so I avoid them.

 

[jjam]

I haven't had a father or father figure since before I reached second grade (before 7 years of age), so I suppose I qualify. My superwoman of a mother raised us on her own. Despite hard times (especially financially), we were okay.

Not wanting to act as he'd acted with my mother and another before her, I swore I'd never have children until I found a woman I am confident I could love enough (and be loved by) to spend the rest of my life with. I'm **** near 30 and have been single for so long, you'd think I didn't want to be in a relationship. Not true. I'm just waiting for that moment of truth.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Having no father figure is better than having a couple of them that abuse you mentally, physiclly, emotionally and spiritually....
its effects me in many ways.
To this day I still remiain in my duahters life..Kelsie..especailly.
Shes 21..but she needs me and wants me iin her life...not so much as a role model...becuz Ive always treated Kelsie as my equal from ealry on..even I was the parent. I love her very very much no matter what. Its very improtant that she knows this and she dose...and it dose effect her.

Give her something I never had..I suppost...

Its also call breaking the cycle of insanity...if you wish to do reserch on dysfucntional or ACOA

---

Theres no love earning between Kelsie and I. Theres no manipulations, guilt trips and all sorts of unhealthy behaviors...
Kelsie speaks to me openly about anything and everything to me. She dosnt nor need to hide anything from me...Its actaully very very simple.
As a child whether she was having a good day or a bad day..she would always want me to hold her for 10-15 mins..Other times she would want me to play with her...other times she would want to get involve with what Im doing. Kelsie is a very talented Gymist...She could do a backflip from a stand still @ the age of 5..but she need me to spot her and support her long enough so that she could do it on her own . She eatshit plenty of times falling on her head in gymnastic. She just need me to hold her while she was in pains and let her know its ok. I dont preach to her...I just hold her. She gets up on her own knwoing shes loved.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I don't know why I'm compelled to post this but:

[youtube]hKCGBv65w_M&feature=related[/youtube]

 

[Estrios_Vega]

Emotionally distant fathers are just as bad. Growing up with a parent who is clumsy with their own emotions can lead to confusion later on in life. Parents have a lasting effect on their children, so, wnating the best for them is important. Sometimes people just don't realize that different children need different things - they are not you or how you were, accept them for who they are and talk them through it. Fathers, mothers, and family members all of us in fact would do well to look at how we interact with each other and what effects it will have in the future.

 

[Sci-Fi]

My father was rarely ever around, I can remember maybe 3 times in my youth when we saw him. Though I know it was more than that. He flaked on us so many times, whenever he did come to visit he was drunk, and died when I was 14. I was in the big brother program for about 2 years. When I was younger I was afraid of grown men, I didn't know how to act around them. Even know if given the option I will talk with women more than men, being raised by our mother I'm more comfortable around females. I'm 35 and I will still do that. When guys are overly friendly or the shake hands or hugging type it makes me pull back. A long time ago I came to the realization I hate my father and would never be like him, I love kids but still do not have any of my own. I guess I'm afraid I'll turn out like him, a womanizing boozer who cheated and couldn't keep promises.

 

[melniXofia]

Its understood mate,i also grew without father,anyway im glad that im growing without him....that *******
anyway i'm jelous very often for kids who have normal dads....i mean normal family.

 

[Estrios_Vega]

Its understood mate,i also grew without father,anyway im glad that im growing without him....that *******
anyway i'm jelous very often for kids who have normal dads....i mean normal family.

Don't be jealous. Never be jealous. What may seem great can sometimes be a nightmare. Be proud of who you are and who you've become. Everyone has something to offer, something of which to be proud. Hold your head high because you are wonderful no matter what.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I remember being jealous too. But yeah, you do have no idea what goes on behind closed doors...

 

[Sci-Fi]

I used to get jealous, sometimes I still do. I hate when kids want to rag on their parents because they are being parents. My part-timer tells me about stuff he does with his dad, makes me a little jealous because I never got to do that. Then he'll be all pissed because his parents grounded him or whatever for something he did, or they are more strict with him. I just remind him it's their job to do that, they want him to grow up a good kid. By the sounds of things too he has two pretty good parents.

 

[kaede]

I have been very close to people who did not have a dad in their childhoods due to divorce. I think the impact on them as adults and in their ability to have a healthy relationship was huge and it was detrimental. I believe it's ultimately what made it so we couldn't be close anymore. It makes me really, really sad. It also makes me mad at the absent dads because I feel like to this day they don't realize the impact they had on so many lives (even mine) by being absent, and they probably never will know either. I wish they did though.

 

[Sci-Fi]

That's so true kaede, some fathers (and mothers) need a hefty smack in the back of the head.

 

[kaede]

I forgot about how one person I was close to had not only an estranged father due to divorce but then also a totally estranged step-father due to a second divorce. There was just so much hurt.

 

[SofiasMami]

My dad was emotionally distant and I never really felt close to him. When I was a kid, I used to look with amazement at other dads who would actually do stuff with their kids.
My daughter's dad is pretty flaky and I feel bad for my daughter. I'm not sure what to say to her sometimes about her dad because she loves him a lot. He's the first man she will love and I would hate for him to be the benchmark for all her future relationships. I know she's not doomed to a bad life without a normal dad, though. The current President's father abandoned him and he seems to have turned out ok.

Teresa

 

[Syber Tiger]

i have never seen or talked to him
he didnt what me...

it is one of the hardest things in my life i will always wonder how will it be to have a dad i have cryed my eyes out someday (CRy)

 

[Phaedron]

*comment removed*

 

[Okiedokes]

My dad was there for my "kid" years and I can't really blame him for not being able to be there for my teens, as my mom and I moved away but yeah it did affect me. The whole seperation thing was the main issue. Just felt lonelier after that. Some old bitter feelings as well which I tossed to the wind awhile ago. It's not worth holding grudges and who am I to judge.

I always did miss having the fatherly figure around, and I think that's why I like the music that I like (his favs) and maybe even part of who I am as well. Having a guy friend or two to look up to also has helped me, which makes sense now that I'm thinking about it. Guess that's what I was looking for. I think I still do that though. I didn't have an older brother or any other guy there for half of the childhood.

I actually wanted to push him away when I was dealing with that and the bitter feelings because I think I just didn't want to care again, I didn't want to be hurt or something...but it was only hurting myself by doing that. Pushing people away isn't always the answer. It's hard though, I know. We can only heal when we forgive.

 

[fuzzybutt]

I don't completely qualify but as a kid my dad worked a lot. Through most of my childhood I'd be off to school and he would be working late so he wasn't there when I'd come back from school. I'd be asleep by the time he came back.

I spent those years mostly in front of the tv. He did his best to take us places on the weekends but I lacked a lot of social skills one usually learns from a father figure. It showed too as a kid. And it was simple things too like for some reason I remember one time at a park when I lost a ball under a car. He told me to go get it but I was too scared. I laugh at that all the time when I think about it but he told me then how would I survive on the streets if I couldn't do something simple as that.

What ended up happening was that I was around more with my mom. When I was little my parents would argue a lot. He hit her once too.

So now because of being with my mom more than my dad I am a more emotional male. I cry pretty easily when I want to talk about hard things. What I picked up from my dad was his attitude whenever things didn't go his way. I didn't learn how to be hard working like he is or being aggressive at sports.

It's also still a bit difficult to talk to him about things that bother me but I'm working at that.

I also noticed when I went to one of my friends house how close he was to his dad as we watched a soccer game. They were joking and laughing, it made me feel uncomfortable. When me and my dad watch games we stay quiet until I ask a question or he tells me something a player does wrong and he goes on a rant.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

My father left my mother before I was born, so I was raised in a single mom household.

I never knew how to talk to girls, other than as a friend. I figured that out, but still the whole dating thing eludes me. And I never was influenced to get into sports, so I got into music and pursued that passion. As a songwriter/guitarist/pianist/singer, I can tell you that music can be ******* lonely sometimes, if not, most of the time. Unless you're in a band, and you're able to bounce ideas off each others' heads, it's NOT a social event, or anything close to it.

I suppose my social skills are so poor, because I was taught to socialize like a girl, and then I was made fun of in high school for it. Now I can't relate to men as being a man, generally, and can't relate to girls other than as a friend. I am f*cked.