driftboy87
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- Feb 13, 2010
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Well, the title pretty much says it all. I had met this girl on OKCupid about a week and a half ago and we got to messaging each other heavy. She gives me her number and we get to texting, in the space of a week we had exchanged almost 500 texts. Seemed to click pretty well. She's younger than me and holds a masters degree. Cute face, if a little chubby. Chubby isn't a problem for me, in fact I sort of prefer chubby girls. Great smile. I was excited to meet her.
So Saturday morning comes and I arrive at the diner we'd agreed on for breakfast. I get there a few minutes early. She texts me that she's pulling up and I spot a car door opening.
She was much, much bigger than her profile pictures made her out to be. Like life threateningly obese. Same face though and still the great smile. Plus I was always taught to be a gentleman so I decided to give it a chance. I gave her a hug and we sat down to order breakfast and chat.
She likes her job and hates her mother, whom she still lives with. We chat for about 20 minutes before our breakfasts arrive. Even though we were still talking she finishes eating in ten minutes and I've still got most of my breakfast left. I don't want to have her watch me eat for another 20 minutes so I call for the check, pay and we leave to a nearby park.
It's a relatively flat quarter mile walk to a bench which leaves her sort of winded so we sit down and chat some more, but it gets harder and harder to keep the conversation going. Honestly at this point I realize that I'm just not attracted to her physically at all. She's a smart girl and picks up on that, after about 20 more minutes we both kind of stop trying. Eye contact stops, answers become monosyllabic, etc.
I walk her back to her car and sort of against my better judgement offer her a second date in a week, we had talked about going apple picking. She says she'd like that, we hug again and part ways.
Several hours later I text her and we exchange a little more small talk, I tell her I'm about to call it a night but I'm looking forward to seeing her the next weekend. She texts back that it was nice texting and meeting me that morning but she doesn't want a second date since we didn't click.
I reply that I really wasn't feeling anything either but that's pretty normal for me the first time I meet people, and that I hope I didn't come off as cold. She replies that I didn't seem cold to her, that she just didn't see things working out.
I reply "fair enough". I asked her that since we weren't going to see each other anymore, if she had any advice for me in terms of improving for future dates or life in general. She replies "no, nothing in particular", so I text back that I'll just chalk it up to no chemistry and said "nice meeting you."
So that was that.. Deleted her number and texts, hid her on OKCupid.
So, lessons learned:
1. No more internet dates without seeing a full body picture.
2. Don't expect a connection made by text messages to smoothly carry over to "meatspace".
3. It still pays to be a gentleman.
4. Don't have another 30 month period between dates, especially since our entire exchange only lasted 10 days. I plan to get back out there in the next few weeks, I'm in the middle of a month long layoff ATM so I need to tighten my belt until I get called back.
I read a reddit thread a few months back that resonated with me on the concept of dating and dealing with rejection. Basically it said that for two people to enter a relationship there needs to be a true mutual attraction. Don't feel bad if you're rejected because in plain words, the rejection doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you're not that persons' preferred flavor.
Think of potential dates like you're about to sample the flavors of ice cream at Baskin Robbins. There are 31 flavors to choose from. There isn't a single person out there who will love all 31 flavors. Everyone has their built in preferences. So you get these tiny spoons and you're invited to try out a tiny bit. That's your date. Out out the 31 flavors, you can tell just by looking at them that you don't even want to try at least 10, so they're out of the picture in the interest of saving time. Out of the remaining 21 or fewer, you'll have to prioritize. Some will look tasty but upon the first taste (first date), they'll just fall short of expectation. So no need to order the cone (commit), since there's just no connection there. Eventually you'll find at least a few flavors that you'll like enough to order a cone. Your relationship with these flavors will undoubtedly change over time. Some may rot your teeth or otherwise hamper you, and you'll decide to break off your relationship. Others may become unavailable with little to no notice, either due to supply problems or new knowledge of some type of hazard. But if you keep rolling with the punches and going with your instincts, eventually you'll find that one flavor that will, for a good long while anyway, with make you forget about the other 30 that just weren't right for you.
I think that analogy is a good approach. When I've got some time I'll see if I can find that reddit post because I'm sure I only loosely relayed it here.
So Saturday morning comes and I arrive at the diner we'd agreed on for breakfast. I get there a few minutes early. She texts me that she's pulling up and I spot a car door opening.
She was much, much bigger than her profile pictures made her out to be. Like life threateningly obese. Same face though and still the great smile. Plus I was always taught to be a gentleman so I decided to give it a chance. I gave her a hug and we sat down to order breakfast and chat.
She likes her job and hates her mother, whom she still lives with. We chat for about 20 minutes before our breakfasts arrive. Even though we were still talking she finishes eating in ten minutes and I've still got most of my breakfast left. I don't want to have her watch me eat for another 20 minutes so I call for the check, pay and we leave to a nearby park.
It's a relatively flat quarter mile walk to a bench which leaves her sort of winded so we sit down and chat some more, but it gets harder and harder to keep the conversation going. Honestly at this point I realize that I'm just not attracted to her physically at all. She's a smart girl and picks up on that, after about 20 more minutes we both kind of stop trying. Eye contact stops, answers become monosyllabic, etc.
I walk her back to her car and sort of against my better judgement offer her a second date in a week, we had talked about going apple picking. She says she'd like that, we hug again and part ways.
Several hours later I text her and we exchange a little more small talk, I tell her I'm about to call it a night but I'm looking forward to seeing her the next weekend. She texts back that it was nice texting and meeting me that morning but she doesn't want a second date since we didn't click.
I reply that I really wasn't feeling anything either but that's pretty normal for me the first time I meet people, and that I hope I didn't come off as cold. She replies that I didn't seem cold to her, that she just didn't see things working out.
I reply "fair enough". I asked her that since we weren't going to see each other anymore, if she had any advice for me in terms of improving for future dates or life in general. She replies "no, nothing in particular", so I text back that I'll just chalk it up to no chemistry and said "nice meeting you."
So that was that.. Deleted her number and texts, hid her on OKCupid.
So, lessons learned:
1. No more internet dates without seeing a full body picture.
2. Don't expect a connection made by text messages to smoothly carry over to "meatspace".
3. It still pays to be a gentleman.
4. Don't have another 30 month period between dates, especially since our entire exchange only lasted 10 days. I plan to get back out there in the next few weeks, I'm in the middle of a month long layoff ATM so I need to tighten my belt until I get called back.
I read a reddit thread a few months back that resonated with me on the concept of dating and dealing with rejection. Basically it said that for two people to enter a relationship there needs to be a true mutual attraction. Don't feel bad if you're rejected because in plain words, the rejection doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you're not that persons' preferred flavor.
Think of potential dates like you're about to sample the flavors of ice cream at Baskin Robbins. There are 31 flavors to choose from. There isn't a single person out there who will love all 31 flavors. Everyone has their built in preferences. So you get these tiny spoons and you're invited to try out a tiny bit. That's your date. Out out the 31 flavors, you can tell just by looking at them that you don't even want to try at least 10, so they're out of the picture in the interest of saving time. Out of the remaining 21 or fewer, you'll have to prioritize. Some will look tasty but upon the first taste (first date), they'll just fall short of expectation. So no need to order the cone (commit), since there's just no connection there. Eventually you'll find at least a few flavors that you'll like enough to order a cone. Your relationship with these flavors will undoubtedly change over time. Some may rot your teeth or otherwise hamper you, and you'll decide to break off your relationship. Others may become unavailable with little to no notice, either due to supply problems or new knowledge of some type of hazard. But if you keep rolling with the punches and going with your instincts, eventually you'll find that one flavor that will, for a good long while anyway, with make you forget about the other 30 that just weren't right for you.
I think that analogy is a good approach. When I've got some time I'll see if I can find that reddit post because I'm sure I only loosely relayed it here.