Have writers ruined love?

[Siertes]

I wrote this a while ago and wanted to share and hopefully start a discussion on it, something that didn't happen before. Here it is:

"To the writers of love stories and all things romance, I say you have ruined us. Since the age we could comprehend, you have bombarded us with tales of what love is, what it should be, what it looks like, and what it demands. Millions regurgitate your words, proclamations of love mass produced, readily available to all yet lacking the heart of the individual. You didn't allow us to discover love by ourselves. We could not stumble blindly into this strange new territory that fluttered out hearts or raced our minds. We felt things for the first time but then our minds demanded that we confirm with you first. We second guessed when things didn't match. We asked our friends but they just spewed what you told them.

I want to erase you from my mind and any other who desires a pure, unadulterated moment. I want to be baffled by a feeling, wondering what in the world is going on with me yet eager to live in it and see where it takes me. Without expectation, and maybe a little hesitation, I just want my “love” to be my words, my way."

Coming from someone who once thought that one day he could be a half decent writer, it may seem a bit strange but the general idea hasn't changed in me. Writers and the stories they devise have filled our minds with so many kinds of love, options for love, for something that should be completely open-ended in my opinion. It pains me most because I know I've been affected. I can be certain of that fact because for years, I've been looking. The search itself suggests that I have some idea of what I'm trying to find, which I think is limiting and unfortunate. I have all these ideas in my head of what might be signs of love or someone I could love. I won't go too far into what my personal signs are but I hope you get the point.

Anyway, how do you feel about this? Sure a great love story can make our lonely hearts flutter and our minds race with fantasy, but is that really a good thing?

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi,
Well, no, I don't think writers have ruined love. I'm not particularly romantic and I'm probably jaded but life would not be worth living without literature and poetry about love!
After reading your post, I ran to my Pablo Neruda book. So many treasures in that book!

Here is my favorite poem- If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I found this nugget in the book's dedication by Federico Garcia Lorca-
"And I tell you that you should open yourselves to hearing an authentic poet, of the kind whose bodily senses were shaped in a world that is not our own and that fewer people are able to perceive. A poet closer to death than philosophy, closer to pain than intelligence, closer to blood than ink."

Since you like to write, keep writing and find your own voice. Writing, especially about love, is a noble profession!

-Teresa

 

[Peaches]

yes! noble profession indeed


do you know Rumi?
http://peacefulrivers.homestead.com/Rumipoetry1.html

it is true that all these people exaggerated quite a bit, but the real killer was Hollywood movies, in my opinion.

 

[Siertes]

Well writing nor love will ever be things I am proficient in, especially not on the level of the gem you posted SofiasMami

I really don't hate writings about love. I written several of my own in fact, but when I read back on them they just feel derivative of so many other things I've heard about love, given I've never had the fortune of being blessed with such a thing. I just feel like...everyone should have had a chance to write their own love poem without having ever read one before. I know that's an impractical/impossible wish, but it's just the notion of discovering love without expectation that I fear dead because of these writings.

 

[SofiasMami]

Yes, boo on Hollywood movies, they're horrible at telling love stories, they all have happy endings!

Writing is a skill that must be sharpened and honed; rest assured, the above wasn't Pablo Neruda's first go at writing about love.

-Teresa

---

I play violin and I imagine that's a little similar to writing. The most masterful violinists don't just recite notes, they also evoke powerful emotions. Without that humanity and inspiration to draw from, I would just be playing notes off a page.
I think it's the same as writing. One must find your own voice but you don't exist in a vacuum.

-Teresa

 

[edgecrusher]

I find that more often than not, when love is portrayed in entertainment they seem to focus on the good parts of it much more than the rest of it. Probably because most people want a happy ending to the story.

 

[Siertes]

yes! noble profession indeed


do you know Rumi?
http://peacefulrivers.homestead.com/Rumipoetry1.html

it is true that all these people exaggerated quite a bit, but the real killer was Hollywood movies, in my opinion.

How the heck does someone ever write 60,000 poems?! I think my folder only has about 17 or 18! Crazy...

Also yes, Hollywood can go to hell. As the lyrics from Frank Turners "Good and Gone" say:

fresia you Hollywood
For teaching us that love was free and easy,
For dressing all our daughters as princesses,
For gulling us with tales of happy endings.

Yes, boo on Hollywood movies, they're horrible at telling love stories, they all have happy endings!

Writing is a skill that must be sharpened and honed; rest assured, the above wasn't Pablo Neruda's first go at writing about love.

-Teresa

Sticking with it long enough to get good is the hardest part. I don't think my passion was ever strong enough. I only wrote when the inspiration hit. I could never force myself to do so otherwise and when I tried, an even worse mess spilled out lol

---

I find that more often than not, when love is portrayed in entertainment they seem to focus on the good parts of it much more than the rest of it. Probably because most people want a happy ending to the story.

Exactly, and generally when it is a bad part of it's something painfully easy to overcome that is only made difficult for effect. I want a happy ending as much as anyone, but I don't like being subconsciously duped for years into believing it's an easy thing that takes little work to achieve.

 

[Siertes]

Oh geez, it's so weird going back over past writings and finding things you've forgotten you ever wrote. I always imagined a real writer would never forget. Not like I'm qualified to negate that notion XD Anyway I found something else which is basically what this topic is about. I was quite the redundant writer huh?

"He wrote about love the way a harlot may write of celibacy and the sanctity of marriage; it was a dream wrapped in a haze of possibility, shrouded in a mist of uncertainty. Most of what appeared from the pen tip was a glimpse of a long held wish, a yearning ever unsatisfied, ever pulsing within. What he knew of love firsthand could fill a book only long enough to hold the attention of energetic toddlers.

He rattled his mind about, attempting to shake loose memories of what he once took for love. A pair of eyes, gentle yet so piercing of his heart he wondered how they never drew blood; a kindness as forthcoming as the stars to a cloudless night; a touch whispering temptations to believe unspoken promises. The pleasure of this bygone time had become a taint with his failings to grasp what he thought was within reach.

He shuffled through more memories, more signs and coincidences and nigh certainties that fell away. He sorted through them like puzzle peaces, picking out the pieces that formed the edge of the picture he longed to see full and complete, and the pieces missing within the frame of his connected memories were obvious.

They were the pieces of a man who always grasped but never held. They were the images of a man who forever looked but never truly saw. They were the words of frequent thought, but never partner to his voice. They were the truths he was always told but never believed.

And so he wrote about dreams the way a man who knew little of love wrote of them; they were a romance wrapped in a haze of possibility, shrouded in a mist of uncertainty. They were hands grasping at the afterimages of moments long past. They were words yelled too late and too quietly. They were reflections of truths ignored and voided.

In dreams he became trapped, his words becoming the hands that lunge outwards, desperate to grab hold of something solid, something less ephemeral than his brief notions of love. In those dreams he will drift until that feel of solidity finds his grasp, until he can write of love the way a man in love writes of it."

I obviously have issues when it comes to not knowing much about love

 

[Rainbows]

Hnn, I think it depends on what you read/watch really..

 

[Edward W]

Sorry...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sorry...

Awww..

 

[Siertes]

Sorry...

It's all your fault!

:club:

 

[Goblin]

I don't understand how anyone is to write about love at all without doing those things. Writing is about fantasy, possibility, and the unlikely - with no disclaimers. That holds true whether it's The Hobbit, Twilight, Gone with the Wind, or Harry Potter. It's not the writer's fault if their readers don't temper it with an understanding of what fiction is in both themselves and their children. Their work was not meant to be a guide to real-life, only a sanctuary from it and an occasional inspiration.

Should I be angry at J.K. Rowling for creating a work of fiction about a lonely boy who's spent his life in a dysfunctional family looking in at the love others were born into, only to simply be snatched up by friends and a replacement family one day? I mean, that's not how it worked out for me, after all, and I spent a lot more time longingly looking in than Harry did.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I understand what you mean. One thing I rarely do is watch romantic movies as much as I used too cause they seem to always be missing something. Everyone wants a lovely story and for the character to be happy together & there's other stories who don't end up good at all. Instead both characters end up dead or it ends up leaving you crying for one of the main characters. I read Great Expectations and it didn't leave on a good note, I'm not of course mad at the novel or have any hatred towards it. In fact it's one of my favorite stories and I could read that book over and over again, haha. Everyone has a different opinion on what love is, I want passion in romantic novels but I'm also looking for dramatic aspects as well. Sappy romance is good and all, but sometimes it gets boring cause it always ends up happy and predictable but that's just my opinion.

 

[The Underdog]

No modern human knows what love is. Get outta here.

 

[ladyforsaken]

No modern human knows what love is. Get outta here.

I think each person defines love in their own way. There is no one set meaning of what love is that applies to everyone the same.

 

[Indifferent]

I'm glad everyone's on the fresia hollywood bandwagon

How scriptwriters need to force a love interest where it doesn't belong, just to get their thing sold, makes me want to throw up. It's obvious when something emotional happens on screen and doesn't belong there or in reality. It's not entirely their fault though, hollywood is an oiled machine, and it cranks out for an audience. So, if anything, the public understanding of love is to blame. All the emotions and uses for love are too vast to be crammed into one word. That being said I think pop music did more damage.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I wrote this a while ago and wanted to share and hopefully start a discussion on it, something that didn't happen before. Here it is:

"To the writers of love stories and all things romance, I say you have ruined us. Since the age we could comprehend, you have bombarded us with tales of what love is, what it should be, what it looks like, and what it demands. Millions regurgitate your words, proclamations of love mass produced, readily available to all yet lacking the heart of the individual. You didn't allow us to discover love by ourselves. We could not stumble blindly into this strange new territory that fluttered out hearts or raced our minds. We felt things for the first time but then our minds demanded that we confirm with you first. We second guessed when things didn't match. We asked our friends but they just spewed what you told them.

I want to erase you from my mind and any other who desires a pure, unadulterated moment. I want to be baffled by a feeling, wondering what in the world is going on with me yet eager to live in it and see where it takes me. Without expectation, and maybe a little hesitation, I just want my “love” to be my words, my way."

Coming from someone who once thought that one day he could be a half decent writer, it may seem a bit strange but the general idea hasn't changed in me. Writers and the stories they devise have filled our minds with so many kinds of love, options for love, for something that should be completely open-ended in my opinion. It pains me most because I know I've been affected. I can be certain of that fact because for years, I've been looking. The search itself suggests that I have some idea of what I'm trying to find, which I think is limiting and unfortunate. I have all these ideas in my head of what might be signs of love or someone I could love. I won't go too far into what my personal signs are but I hope you get the point.

Anyway, how do you feel about this? Sure a great love story can make our lonely hearts flutter and our minds race with fantasy, but is that really a good thing?

I agree with your over-arching sentiment. I think all media (including works of the written word) have the ability to shape our expectations of life. It can shape our expectation of love, what kind of job we'll have when we grow up, what our family should be like, and more. Nothing is really off limits.

I now hate watching movies that have over-the-top happy endings because of the deception I feel that it carries. Nobody's life is like how it's portrayed in the movies (or books for that matter). What is never mentioned though is that a lot of times, the endings of movies are focus-group-tested and if the ending isn't cheery enough for the group, they'll refilm a "better" ending.

I wanted to be a writer myself before I went to college. I still write poetry and have a lifetime worth of stories and things I've written just for fun.

---

"He wrote about love the way a harlot may write of celibacy and the sanctity of marriage; it was a dream wrapped in a haze of possibility, shrouded in a mist of uncertainty. Most of what appeared from the pen tip was a glimpse of a long held wish, a yearning ever unsatisfied, ever pulsing within. What he knew of love firsthand could fill a book only long enough to hold the attention of energetic toddlers.

[...]

In dreams he became trapped, his words becoming the hands that lunge outwards, desperate to grab hold of something solid, something less ephemeral than his brief notions of love. In those dreams he will drift until that feel of solidity finds his grasp, until he can write of love the way a man in love writes of it."

Whether you actually know anything about love, you do have a very nice writing style.

 

[Senamian]

Now... Yes and no is my answer.

To explain:

I don't mind the depiction of love in some (most) cases. They use all elements to create a decently realistic approach to love. Background, struggle, faults and problems, resolving. Take a movie for example: Devil Wears Prada. Those who have not seen it, it's a journalist trying to get ahead in life and finds herself working as a secretary for a very well known (and seemingly ruthless) woman in the fashion industry. She goes through forced changes that she ends up enjoying (fashion boosting confidence), but her relationship hinders as she begins to push herself more and more to get what she wants when she wants it at work. She begins to push away friends, belittle others, and in the end her SO has enough since he hates who she has become. In the end she realizes this herself and knows she too hates it, and quits her job. The ending (to me) seemed like they were starting fresh, meeting up as if they were "old friends" rather than a silly "run through the streets to meet him on top of the apartment building and fall madly in love all over again" crap.

Then, there is the "yes" part. I remember when the movie for Twilight first came out (sorry, any fans... But hear me out!!). Still in school, working in Zellers... And while at work after the first release in marched a good number of young (tween to teen) girls all dressed up in every Twilight article of clothing there was, little flags and even slippers (wtf?!). When they came through the checkout, they were bickering over "who was hotter" and "who they would want to date" via Edward and Jacob. That wasn't the bad part (sadly).

I know some girls who really took this fantasy "life" and ran with it. Or rather, would jump off a cliff with it. -_- One of them, I overheard saying "I'm saving myself for when I can have a guy JUST LIKE Edward... Someone who WOULD save me if I jumped off a cliff!" And unfortunately she really did mean it... Though at least she DIDN'T jump off a cliff. A lot of the girls had this illusion that a mysterious "good looking" immortal being would somehow show up in their lives, and they would be "just like Bella". One girl even changed her name to Bella... Unfortunately the series was ruined for me, and makes me sick to even think about how these girls got stuck in their own fantasy world based off of the books/movies.

So, there are both sides. But it isn't really the writer who destroys the idea or appearance of love... It really is the reader/viewer who has the choice of whether or not to fantasize about it, or look at it realistically. Of course, we are all allowed to dream and hope... But we shouldn't be like "Bella" or wait for our immortal lover to pop up

As for my personal taste in stories of love... If it is written with heart, and you can see/feel it... It's worth it. Unfortunately rarely do any of my writings become viewable for others, but they rarely have love. If they do, it is usually a small part.

 

[OnlyMe]

Movies and television have a lot to answer for.

Part of the problem with dating and relationships in this day and age is that so many people have unrealistic expectations.

They aren't interested in anyone other than Mr. Right / Ms. Right.